


One More Chance

by Morgana_avalon



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 00:51:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 46,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18419429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Blair is diagnosed with hypoglycemia which complicates their lives.





	1. Chapter 1

One more chance. 

 

"A bacterial pneumonia?" Jim's probing glance traveled from a sleeping Blair to Doctor Anthony, who was treating Blair while he was at Cascade General Hospital. The middle-aged doctor seemed concerned and Jim shared the other man's feelings. "I should have sent him back when he followed me to Sierra Verde! It was obvious that he was hanging in there by the skin of his teeth, but... maybe I chose not to see it."

 

They'd returned from Mexico 36 hours ago and Jim had simply dragged Blair off to see their doctor when the congestion in his partner's lungs had gotten worse. Doctor Philips had put Blair on antibiotics and Jim had hoped those meds would work, but after *another* severe coughing fit, Jim had rushed Blair to Cascade General Hospital where Doctor Anthony had examined a nearly unconscious Blair. Jim knew Doctor Anthony well and trusted the physician as he had tended to Blair's injuries on other occasions.

 

"Yes, a bacterial pneumonia, I'm afraid so," Doctor Anthony confirmed. "It's attacking his lungs and he needs to stay for observation. I don't want to release him yet."

 

Jim thoughtfully nodded his head and felt thankful that Blair was deeply asleep due to some new medication. Blair had been trying to clear his lungs all the way over to the hospital and the effort had drained him. His partner needed the rest after going non-stop in Sierra Verde.

 

"How long must he stay?" Jim gently rested his right hand on Blair's brow, caressing the hot and sticky skin. The nasal cannula made it easier for Blair to breathe and the younger man moaned softly.

 

"Twenty-four hours at least," Doctor Anthony replied and studied Blair's chart briefly. "You do realize that this is a direct result from drowning a week ago?" He'd been the doctor on call when they'd brought Blair in and he'd been monitoring Blair's recovery ever since. "The fountain water contained a high amount of bacteria."

 

Feeling guilty for his past mistakes, Jim sighed deeply. "I know that, doctor," he admitted and his solid voice cracked. On their way back from Mexico Blair had been exhausted and he'd dragged Blair into his truck and had taken him home. During the entire ride Blair had been quiet and Jim had missed his partner's chatter. Only Blair's coughing had disturbed the eerie silence.

 

Blair had remained quiet during the elevator ride and when Jim had finally opened the door to the loft, Blair had stood motionless in the doorway. In the end, Jim had pulled Blair inside and guided him into his old room. Then the first coughing fit had hit Blair and Jim had hovered over him, making sure he lay down and got some sleep only to drag his partner off to see Doctor Philips one hour later.

 

Now, thirty-six hours later, they were at the hospital and Jim wondered what had possessed him to kick Blair out of the loft a week ago. If he'd kept his guide close none of this would have happened. Blair wouldn't have died and they wouldn't have drifted apart.

 

"Why don't you come back tomorrow, Detective Ellison?" Doctor Anthony had realized a long time ago that the policeman liked to sit with his partner, but this time he wouldn't allow it. Blair needed rest and by the looks of it, so did Jim Ellison.

 

"Please call me when he wakes up? I'd also like to be informed of any change in his condition." Jim felt reluctant to turn away from his partner. Seeing Blair hurt brought back visions of the shot wolf morphing into his guide and the memories woke a deep ache inside his soul.

 

"We've got your phone number," Doctor Anthony assured Jim and gently took the policeman by the arm to lead him into the corridor. "Blair's in the best hands and will probably be asleep all night."

 

Putting one foot in front of the other seemed an impossible task, but Jim walked mechanically down the corridor. His heightened sense of hearing still picked up on Blair's steady heartbeat and he listened to the soft thumping until he'd left the hospital. After getting into his truck, he stared at his hands and realized they were shaking.

 

"Damn it! How many more times do I have to I face losing him before... before admitting how much he means to me?" Blair had grown on him over the years and his partner had become the rock on which he had rebuilt the fragments of his ruined life. Suddenly, he had friends again, was dating, and had fellow policemen that would watch his back and he owed it all to Blair Sandburg.

 

"And how do I repay him for putting my life back together? I kick him out of the loft, allow him to tag along in Sierra Verde when I know that he's feeling miserable and I kiss Alex in front of him! Way to go, Ellison!"

 

After he'd brought Blair back from the other side, he'd hoped that he'd find the courage to finally open up to Blair and tell him how important the younger man was to him, but instead he'd put up his walls and was still hiding behind them.

 

Closing his eyes, he recalled Blair collapsing in the kitchen only two hours ago. Blair had been trying to drink some water when a gruesome coughing fit had racked his body. He'd barely been in time to steady Blair and keep his partner from hitting the kitchen floor. Blair had protested when he'd supported the younger man as they'd made their way over to the truck, but Jim had refused to listen and had driven to Cascade General Hospital.

 

"Thank God that I didn't listen to you, Chief." If he had given in to Sandburg, his partner's condition would have gotten worse. Now, Doctor Anthony could keep a close eye on him.

 

After starting the engine he drove back to the loft. He intended to get some sleep, take a shower and return to the hospital in the morning. Hopefully Doctor Anthony had better news for him by then.

 

///

 

"Hello, Blair, I'm glad you decided to wake up." Doctor Anthony smiled reassuringly at his patient. Blair lifted his right hand, which trembled badly, and tried to remove the nasal cannula. "Don't do that," Doctor Anthony stated firmly. "You're having difficulty breathing and they'll help."

 

Confused, Blair cocked his head. "Hospital?" he mumbled at a loss. The last thing he remembered was walking into the kitchen to get himself a drink. "How... did I get here?"

 

"Your partner, Detective Ellison, brought you in several hours ago." Doctor Anthony kept a close eye on the monitors. Blair's condition was stable, but his patient wasn't out of the woods yet.

 

"What's going on... with me?" Blair's eyes rolled in their sockets and he found it difficult to stay awake.

 

"You're suffering from a bacterial pneumonia, which is attacking your lungs. I put you on antibiotics," the doctor explained patiently. "And that's making you drowsy. You need rest, Blair, no more running around in the Mexican jungle, you hear?"

 

Exhausted, Blair tried to nod his head, but failed. "Jim?" He didn't see Jim around and wondered about the Sentinel's whereabouts.

 

"I sent him home," Doctor Anthony said with a hint of smugness in his voice. "He'd only hover over you and you need some peace and quiet to recover."

 

"How long... do I have to I stay?" Blair closed his eyes and realized that Doctor Anthony was right. The nasal canulla eased his breathing.

 

"If you react well to your new medication I'll let you go tomorrow evening." Doctor Anthony knew that Jim Ellison, as a former medic, could handle any medical care that Blair might need. "Why don't you go back to sleep, Blair?" he suggested and checked the IV, which was feeding his patient nutrients and liquids.

 

"Sounds tempting, man... hope you don't mind me following up on your... advice," Blair mumbled as he dozed off.

 

Doctor Anthony made another entry on Blair's chart and then left the room, knowing that the night nurse would closely monitor Blair. Should his patient get worse she would immediately notify him.

 

///

 

Blair vaguely realized that he was dreaming when he stepped back into the jungle to follow the wolf. When he'd been dead, he'd been the wolf and he'd been running through the jungle, carefree and vibrant, but then the jaguar had pulled him back. Now, he was running again, but this time the wolf was at his side, playfully running along.

 

He lost track of time and when he woke up he had no idea how long he'd been asleep. Opening his eyes, he found that he was alone in the room. Neither the nurse, nor Doctor Anthony was close and he sighed relieved. Everything that had happened last night was a blurry mess, but he did remember Doctor Anthony mentioning that Jim had taken him to the hospital.

 

Feeling strangely emotional, his heart ached in an odd way as he recalled Jim telling him to leave the loft. Although Jim had taken him to the loft when they'd gotten back, the words still echoed in his mind, adding to his emotional pain.

 

'I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to analyze it. I just need you out of here by the time I get back.'

 

Those words had cut deep and the wounds were still bleeding. Blair pulled the blanket tighter around his body and let his mind drift back to the bullpen, when Jim had managed to hurt him once again.

 

'Well, Chief, I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know if I can get past this. To me, it was a real breach of trust and that struck really deep with me.'

 

Blair curled himself into a ball, wondering how the hell he should have known that Alex was a criminal. Except for Jim she was the only other Sentinel he'd come across. //No, that's the wrong word,// he thought. //Alex never was a Sentinel. She possesses heightened senses, but never felt the need to protect the tribe.//

 

Unexpectedly, something Jim had said slammed into his mind, opening raw wounds that had never healed properly.

 

'Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know who I am, okay? I don't need you or anybody else to help me define that. Is that clear? Maybe it's just better if you finish your dissertation or doctorate writing about somebody else.'

 

Blair buried his face in his hands and fought back his tears by sheer determination. //Maybe Jim's right. Maybe I should start working on the closed society diss and forget about publishing the Sentinel dissertation. I don't want us to fight about this.// But publishing the Sentinel diss was his dream, his life work and he couldn't give up on it like that. What if there were other people with 5 heightened senses? By reading his diss they would realize how incredible gifted they were and maybe the diss would help them come to terms with having those heightened senses. He couldn't let his dream die for he would die with it.

 

He gasped as another memory cut through his mind.

 

'Chief, I don't know if I'm ready to take that trip with you.'

 

Yeah, Jim had made his decision after the EMT's had rushed Blair to the ER. Jim had ended their friendship right there in a subtle way, but he'd known what Jim really tried to say. Their friendship, the Sentinel-Guide relationship, was over, had come to a brutal end. //Let's face it. He no longer needs me. Jim controls his senses perfectly and hasn't zoned in weeks. Maybe it's time to move on.//

 

When Jim had taken him to the loft after Sierra Verde, Blair had briefly hoped that he had come home. Instead, Jim had turned more distant and he'd felt like Jim could kick him out again at any moment. He'd no longer felt safe there, became restless and then this bacterial pneumonia had hit his weakened system, rendering him helpless when he tried to survive another coughing fit.

 

//Moving on,// he mused. //Even if I wanted to move out I'm in no condition to do it now. I don't have the energy to find a new place to live, to move my stuff and... I'd be alone again.// Jim had been the best roommate he'd ever had, even if the cop had dumb house rules. He would miss Jim, the loft, watching TV together, hearing Jim curse when he'd left the bathroom a mess. //I let myself believe that the loft was home, big mistake! I should have known better!//

 

Jim had given him the home he'd craved his entire life. Although he loved Naomi, as a child he'd hated her vagabond way of life, travelling from one place to another. Whenever he'd made friends Naomi would announce that they were leaving and that he had to pack his stuff. Sometimes, their landlord packed their things for them because Naomi had forgotten to pay rent.

 

Blair shivered slightly, recalling the few times that Naomi had smoked pot and had forgotten about him. He would sit in the corner of the room and watch her and her 'friends' get high. Sometimes someone would remember that he was still around and tell him to go play outside or go to his room.

 

He'd really missed a dad growing up. Naomi had always avoided discussing his father and eventually he'd stopped asking. Finding his father was his secret wish, his greatest desire. But somewhere along the line that dream had faded, knowing that he'd never learn his father's identity without Naomi's help. She was the only one who knew his father's identity and she refused to tell him.

 

For years he'd pretended that he was happy with the way his life had turned out. He was a TA at Rainier and about to finish his diss after finding a real Sentinel, but said Sentinel was also the reason why he felt so miserable and depressed. He wanted Jim's friendship so badly that he would gladly lay his life down to get it back. But Jim wanted a partner he could trust and Blair realized that it was time to move on and make way for his successor, a man or woman who would be the guide Jim really needed, not some nerdy grad student who kept attracting trouble.

 

"Blair? Are you all right?" Nurse Matthews had closely monitored her patient's readings from the nurses' station and when the readings skyrocketed she'd decided to check on him.

 

Blair forced himself to open his eyes and to meet her gaze. "Just a little tired," he said, telling her a white lie and hoping that the answer would appease her. He wasn't up to a verbal fight.

 

Nurse Matthews approached the bed and looked into his eyes. Blair smiled. She was pretty and attractive and several months ago he would have asked her out on a date, but he'd found the one he wanted to share the rest of his life with. Too bad that he was too much of a coward to tell Jim how he truly felt about the Sentinel.

 

"Can I get you something?" Nurse Matthews offered, seeing a hint of unshed tears in Blair's blue eyes. It was obvious that the young man felt sad and depressed, but she didn't pressure him in to talking.

 

"Some water would be really great," Blair replied, falling back into his role and hiding behind his walls. He didn't want anyone to see the real Blair Sandburg, who was tired, fed up with life and lacked the strength to carry on. No, he would play his part and not be a burden.

 

"Sure," Nurse Matthews mumbled and filled a glass with water. She handed him the glass and Blair accepted it. "Sip slowly," she adviced.

 

"Thanks." Blair slowly emptied the glass and handed it back to her. "What time is it?"

 

"Almost 7 AM," she told him and smiled. "Looks like the meds are working."

 

Only now did Blair realize that his lungs no longer felt that congested and that it was easier to take deep breaths.

 

"Try to get some more sleep," she suggested and tucked the blanket around his form. "The next time you wake up the doctor will be here. I also got this feeling that your friend might visit."

 

"Jim?" Blair smiled weakly. "Does everybody here know about him?"

 

Nurse Matthews chuckled softly. "I guess so. He's handsome."

 

Blair returned the chuckle and closed his eyes, slowing drifting off into sleep.

 

///

 

Doctor Anthony studied the latest readings and realized that he had to talk to Blair. He'd planned on giving Detective Ellison a call, telling him that Blair would be released this afternoon, but now he was inclined to postpone releasing Blair.

 

As he headed for Blair's room, he encountered nurse Matthews, who was on her way home. "How's Blair today?" he inquired and fell into step beside her.

 

"I'm worried," she said honestly. "He drowned a week ago and now he's back with a bacterial pneumonia. What if there will be more complications?"

 

"There might be," Doctor Anthony replied. "I'm going through his latest readings right now."

 

"Any cause for alarm?"

 

"Not yet," he said, reassuring her. "I'm going to talk to him now."

 

"Will he be released today?"

 

"This evening," he informed her and turned left. "Let's hope we won't see him in here again for a long time."

 

After nodding her head, nurse Matthews headed for her car. Working the night shift always tired her.

 

///

 

Blair was staring at the ceiling when Doctor Anthony entered his room. He hated lying around like this and hoped the doctor would release him today. //Hopefully no one heard me cough earlier.// If they had, they might want to keep him here for observation.

 

Meeting Doctor Anthony's eyes, Blair said, "I already feel better, doc. So when can I leave? Did I already tell you how much I hate hospitals? I spent way too much time here and..." Another coughing fit rocked his body.

 

"Don't overdo it," Doctor Anthony said and pulled up a chair. He sat down next to Blair's bed and waited for the coughing fit to pass. "You're still recovering, Blair."

 

"My body just reminded me," Blair panted the words softly. He pushed deeper in to the comfort of the bed and tried to relax. His lungs seemed to be fighting him and he tried to clear them again.

 

"Before I sent you home there is something we need to discuss." Doctor Anthony adjusted the nasal cannula that had moved out of its proper position. "I got the lab results from the blood work we did when you were admitted."

 

"Blood work?" Blair repeated, surprised. He recalled that they'd taken some blood samples and by the looks of it, they had found something disturbing.

 

"You blood sugar level is too low. Have you been eating regularly?"

 

Blair's eyes grew big. "Uh, doc, I didn't have much time to eat when we were in Sierra Verde."

 

"What about before that?"

 

"My life's pretty hectic," Blair explained. "I spent a lot of time at Rainier and when I'm off from the U I'm at the PD... sometimes I don't have the time to eat."

 

"What about stress?" Doctor Anthony continued.

 

"Stress?" Blair shook his head in disbelief. "I don't remember a time without it!"

 

"Alcohol?"

 

"A beer," Blair said, still stunned at the direction this conversation was taking. "Maybe two if there's a game on."

 

"Have you ever experienced numbness in your hands and feet?" Doctor Anthony knew he was on to something when Blair flinched.

 

"Come on, man, it's always cold in Cascade... of course my hands feel numb when I forget to put my mittens on. And my feet, let's not go there... popsicles." Blair stared into the doctor's eyes. "Why are you asking me these questions?"

 

"Listen, Blair," Doctor Anthony started, "you've got to take these symptoms serious or they might get worse. Hypoglycemia can cause serious effects. Untreated low blood sugar can result in seizures and can also cause unconsciousness. If it goes untreated this condition can kill. I'll give you a diet plan, which lists fast acting sugars and the amount you should eat to make sure that your blood sugar remains balanced. I want you to see your regular doctor and he might prescribe some additional meds. You've got to take this serious, Blair."

 

Feeling uncomfortable, Blair averted his eyes. "I'll try to stick to the food plan," he promised. "But sometimes I don't have the time to..."

 

"Make the time, Blair," Doctor Anthony said in a firm tone. "I'm also going to give you some special brochures on hypoglycemia. Read them!" He got back to his feet and hoped that his patient realized the seriousness of his condition. "You already experienced some symptoms in the past. Ignore them now and you'll find yourself back in the ER within weeks!"

 

Blair swallowed hard. Doctor Anthony seemed sincerely worried.

 

"While you're here we'll monitor your blood sugar and do more tests. I'll also prescribe a glucometer, with which you can test your blood sugar." Doctor Anthony probed Blair's eyes and found that he'd startled his patient; that had never been his intention. "Blair, we need to stay on top of this."

 

"Uh-huh," Blair muttered and fumbled with the corner of the blanket. "Will the bacterial pneumonia have a negative affect on me having... hypoglycemia?"

 

"The antibiotics you're taking might have some side effects. We'll have to wait and see. Just make sure that you check with your regular doctor within twenty-four hours after leaving here."

 

"I understand," Blair mumbled, feeling miserable and helpless. "I didn't do it on purpose," he said in a tiny tone.

 

"I know that," Doctor Anthony assured him. "But we've got to be careful."

 

"Doc? Do me a favor?" Blair sought out the doctor's eyes. "Don't tell Jim about the low blood sugar."

 

"Why not?"

 

"He'd freak..." Blair stifled a grin. "He might feel guilty that I drowned and he's already giving me a hard time about my health. I don't want him to hover around me the entire time, making sure that I eat..."

 

Doctor Anthony considered the request. "I wish you would tell him, Blair. Should your blood sugar drop drastically you'll need help. Jim should know what he's dealing with."

 

"I'll think about," Blair promised, but without conviction. "I don't want to be a burden," he whispered. "And I'll be moving out shortly anyways so why should I tell Jim? He won't be around."

 

"Moving out?" Doctor Anthony disliked seeing the slumped shoulders and defeated expression on his patient's face.

 

"Yeah, it's time to move on, you know? I'm 30 years old and still living with a roomie. It's time to get my own place."

 

Doctor Anthony read between the lines and wondered what had happened between the two men. "Does Jim want you to move out? He was quite protective of you when you overdosed on the Golden years ago."

 

Blair smiled; he'd almost forgotten that doctor Anthony had treated him back then as well. "Things change... people change," he added apologetically. "Stuff happens and people drift apart."

 

"Blair, why don't you talk to him? I'm sure that whatever is wrong can be fixed." When Jim had brought Blair in Doctor Anthony had seen the expression in the detective's eyes. Ellison had been worried and scared.

 

"Jim doesn't do talking," Blair said and carefully shrugged his shoulders. He was trying to move as little as possible, afraid to set off another coughing fit.

 

"I hope you'll tell him about your low blood sugar." Doctor Anthony walked towards the door as he had other patients to visit.

 

Blair remained silent and sighed after the doctor had closed the door behind him. Could he tell Jim? Should he tell the Sentinel that he might have to slow down and take the time to eat meals regularly? How would Jim react?

 

//Hey, Jim, stop the car chase. I'm not feeling that great... must be the low blood sugar. I need to eat something...// Ha! The suspect would give them the slip while Jim was searching for some candy bars and Jim would be howling mad that their suspected had escaped.

 

//Or what about reducing stress? Sorry, Jim, can't ride along with you right now. I just tested my blood sugar and I need to take a break, eat and drink something... maybe nap.... yeah, that would go over well with Jim!//

 

No, he couldn't take that risk. Right now, their relationship, (or what was left of it), was too fragile to endanger. He'd hang in there and be there for Jim to guide him. //Yeah, like he needs a guide!//

 

"Can't tell him," Blair decided. One way or the other, he would deal with this alone.

 

///

 

"Are you ready to get out of here, Darwin?" Jim suddenly realized how little he'd used that particular nickname lately and when he walked into Blair's room he saw surprise on his partner's face at hearing it. Jim smiled; Blair was sitting on the bed and his legs moved nervously, like he couldn't wait to be sprung from this 'prison'.

 

//Some things never change,// Jim thought, feeling melancholy. Had Blair been this eager to leave the hospital so he could follow him to Sierra Verde? The medical staff should have stopped the younger man, considering the condition he'd been in.

 

"Yeah, can't stand this place any longer," Blair quipped and jumped to his feet. "Let's go to the loft."

 

Jim involuntarily flinched. Only a few weeks ago Blair would have called the loft 'home'. Apparently, some things did change and he was to blame for those changes. "I'll drop you off at home," Jim started and grabbed the overnight bag he'd packed before taking Blair to the hospital, "I've got a late stake out tonight..."

 

Blair repressed a sigh. That meant they would be up all night and tomorrow he had a class to teach at 0900 AM. It didn't look like he would get any sleep tonight. "A new case?" he inquired, as he fell into step beside Jim.

 

Jim walked slowly. His hearing picked up on the still congested lungs and troubled breathing. Maybe he should talk to Doctor Anthony or give him a call later. Wasn't it too soon to release Blair? "Yeah, I'll fill you in later. Let's get you home first."

 

Nurse Matthews, who had just come back on duty, called after them, "Blair, don't forget to get your prescriptions filled!"

 

Blair halted in his tracks and felt slightly embarrassed. He knew he should get them filled, but didn't want Jim hovering over his medication. "Why don't you warm up the truck? Looks like it's cold outside. It'll only take a moment to get those prescriptions filled."

 

Jim gave his partner a thoughtful glance. If he didn't know any better he'd say that Blair was trying to get rid of him. "Why don't *you* head for the truck and let *me* take care of those prescriptions?" Blair's heartbeat quickened and Jim wondered what was going on. Blair was acting in an odd way, almost being secretive about his prescriptions.

 

Blair patted Jim on the shoulder and headed down the stairs to drop by at the pharmacy. "I can take care of myself, Jim. Don't baby me. I'm a grown man, in case you hadn't noticed." Although Jim's behavior didn't really annoy him, Blair pretended frustration and left Jim standing in the middle of the corridor. "After I dropped off the overnight bag I'll be ready to join you on that stake out," he added. In spite of the growing distance he knew Jim would hear him.

 

Jim shook his head at hearing Blair's words. "I didn't plan on letting you tag along, Chief," he mumbled, knowing that Blair couldn't hear him. "You need rest." But if Blair were determined to keep him company through the cold and lonely night he wouldn't refuse the offer. It was always hard to keep from zoning when he was alone on a stake out. Although he controlled his senses a lot better since Blair had stormed into his life, he still faced the occasional zone out. A fact which he tried to hide from Blair as he didn't want to worry his partner.

 

"Detective Ellison?" Doctor Anthony had been waiting for a chance to talk to the cop.

 

"Ah, yes, doctor?" Jim turned around, shook the doctor's hand and welcomed his chance to talk to Anthony before taking Blair home. "Isn't it too soon to release him? He's still congested and... I noticed that he's trembling." Only a Sentinel could detect the minor tremors coursing through Blair's body, but he'd seen them and had bit his tongue not to question Blair about it.

 

Doctor Anthony wished he knew whether had Blair told Jim about the low blood sugar or not. Doctor-patient confidentiality forbade him to discuss this matter without Blair's permission, but maybe he could drop some subtle hints, offer some advice. "Blair's been exhausting himself. This bacterial pneumonia could only become this strong because of his weakened immune system. You should keep a close eye on your partner."

 

Jim studied the physician, certain that Doctor Anthony was keeping back as the man's heartbeat was slightly off. "But the new meds you've given him are fighting the bacterial pneumonia, aren't they?"

 

Doctor Anthony now realized that Blair had kept silent about his low blood sugar. His hands were tied and he could only hope that Blair would find the courage to tell Jim what was going on. "Pardon me for prying, but Blair mentioned that he was moving out?"

 

Jim's eyes grew big. "He said *what*?"

 

"That things had changed between the two of you and that it was time for him to move on, to get his own place." Doctor Anthony caught sight of Blair's form as the younger man turned around the corridor and wished he'd had more time to talk to Jim Ellison. "You should talk to him, make him open up!" he adviced and then focused on his patient. "Remember to check with your regular physician," he reminded Blair and saw the draped expression in those normally so lucid eyes.

 

"Why?" Jim's glance shifted from Anthony to Blair. "Why do you need to see Doctor Philips?"

 

"He'll monitor my recovery, remember?" Blair said calmly, not giving Jim an opening to start questioning him. "It's regular procedure."

 

Doctor Anthony shook Blair's hand and gave his patient what he hoped was a worried look. "Tell Jim," he whispered, before turning around and leaving the two men alone.

 

"Tell me what?" Jim felt left out and hated the feeling. Then he caught sight of the plastic bag Blair was carrying. "How many prescriptions did you get filled?"

 

"Relax, Jim. They gave me some brochures on how to handle a bacterial pneumonia and breathing difficulty. It's not like these lungs will ever work 100% again," he said, covering the fact that he was carrying a glucometer. The brochures in his bag where about low blood sugar, but Jim didn't need to know. "Let's get moving." Blair began to walk towards the exit.

 

"Blair..."

 

Hearing his name, Blair froze in his tracks. Jim didn't call him by his first name that often.

 

"You're not hiding something from me, are you? Doctor Anthony seemed worried." Jim didn't like this one bit!

 

"I just want to go home, change into some clean clothes, eat something and drink some nice hot tea and then we're ready to roll. Don't make a fuss about nothing," Blair warned Jim.

 

Blair's tone took Jim aback. //Whatever you're hiding, Blair, I'll find out about it!// Blair's rapid heartbeat had given the anthropologist away.

 

///

 

"I'm ready!" Blair announced as he stepped into the living area. He'd quickly changed his clothes, had thrown the prescriptions on the bed and was now ready to keep Jim company during the stake out. "So what's this new case all about?"

 

Jim crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave Blair a stern look. "I'd rather see that you didn't tag along." Seeing Blair's crestfallen expression he added, "You should rest, not be stuck in a cold car all night." Cascade's weather was showing its ugly side. A nasty wind was blowing, rain poured from the dark sky and Jim swore he smelled snow in the air.

 

But Blair knew exactly what to say to get Jim off his back. "Look, I'm even bringing along my meds and some bottled water. You can stop being a mother hen, Jim. I'm fine!" Growing irritated, Blair grabbed his coat and headed for the doorway. "Now, are you coming along or do I have to call Joel to take your place?" He was treading on thin ice and he knew it.

 

"You're not feeling fine, Blair," Jim said in an uncharacteristically soft tone. "You died."

 

"And you brought me back, now cut it out!" Blair slammed the door behind, got into the elevator and waited for Jim to join him. He didn't have to wait long.

 

"Blair, I'm sorry, it's just... I'm worried..." Jim stared at his partner as the elevator started its descent. "We never really talked about..."

 

"And we're not going to talk about it now," Blair replied in an icy tone. He had to maintain this emotional distance between the two of them as he wasn't prepared to make himself ever again as vulnerable as he'd been in the past. When Jim had kicked him out and then had refused to take that trip with him, the Sentinel had killed part of Blair's dreams and hopes.

 

Jim noticed the racing heartbeat, the outburst of sweat and realized that Blair felt scared. "Chief, I'm sorry..."

 

"Stop it, right there!" Blair was losing his patience. Man, spending the next few hours cooped up in the truck sounded like hell. In the past, he'd loved to spend time with Jim, even if it had been during a stake out, trying to solve a case. "You didn't get me killed, you're not to blame and let's please move on now!"

 

Startled, Jim stared at Blair's angry eyes. He couldn't remember seeing his partner this enraged before. What the hell was going on? He decided not to continue this conversation, but he monitored Blair carefully as his partner sat down in the passenger's seat. Blair's behavior confused him, but he had to admit that the anthropologist had been through a lot lately. Could he blame Blair for running away and not facing the facts? He'd been avoiding talking about the drowning too. He didn't have the right to get mad at Blair because his partner wasn't ready to discuss it yet. It had taken him several days too to be able to mention his failure. //If only I hadn't told him to leave!//

 

Afraid to shatter the silence, Jim started the truck and drove away from the loft. This was going to be a *long* night!

 

///

 

Five hours later Jim wished he'd never allowed Blair to tag along. The cough was back, tormenting his partner's frame and he smelled the return of a low fever on Blair. "Why don't I take you home?" he offered softly. Blair had been quiet these last 5 hours and that added to his worries. Normally, the anthropologist would be happily chattering away, but this silence was unsettling and he contributed it to the fact that Blair was still ill.

 

"I'm fine, stop mothering me, Jim." Blair pulled his coat closer to his body and rubbed his hands, trying to warm up his icy fingers. //Why is it snowing tonight? Why couldn't it wait until we were home? What deity did I offend?//

 

"Shouldn't you take your antibiotics?" Jim watched closely as Blair nodded his head. His partner uncovered the vial to take out a pill, which he swallowed with some sips of bottled water. Stubbornness shone from Blair's eyes and Jim sighed softly. He bit back the habit of addressing his partner as Chief and opted for using his name instead. Maybe that would show how worried he was. "Blair, H and Rafe should arrive any moment now. I can call a cab and you could go home..."

 

//Home.// The word vibrated in Blair's mind. Did he dare speak his thoughts out loud? //The loft's no longer home and you know it, Jim. It was *your* home, then it was *ours* and now it's *yours* again.//

 

Seeing the distant expression in Blair's clouded eyes, Jim said, "Why do you want to move out?" Doctor Anthony's words had alerted him and they still had to address this. "Didn't we agree that you'd stay at the loft?" Jim had personally collected Blair's stuff from his office at Rainier while the younger man had been asleep at the loft and he'd put Blair's belongings back in their rightful places.

 

"*We* never agreed on that." Blair failed to lock out the hurt tone in his voice. "*You* moved *me and my things* back in and that was it, no discussion at all." And he'd let Jim move his stuff back, relieved that he had a roof above his head and no longer had to stay in his office. Alex would haunt every step he would set at Rainier.

 

"Look, Blair, I just assumed... uh, hoped that, you know... we'd be able to work through this." He was bad with words and he knew it, but he wanted to discuss this.

 

"You assume too much, Ellison," Blair whispered, wondering where this hostility was coming from. Suddenly, he became aware of his ice cold feet and hands. He'd forgotten to take his mittens with him and he wished he'd put on his boots instead of his sneakers.

 

'Numbness of hands and feet?'

 

Doctor Anthony's words returned to haunt him. Low blood sugar, didn't that mean eating something would put everything back in order? But they'd left the loft without packing any food and they were in the dock area, which was secluded and deserted. Only crooks hung out here at night.

 

Peeking at Jim's face, Blair read distress and confusion in the Sentinel's eyes. Although Jim was hard to read at times, all emotions were in the open now. He felt awfully cold and was starting to sweat; surely Jim's sense of smell would pick up it. //Maybe it's just a reaction to the antibiotics?//

 

He pushed his hands inside the sleeves of his coat, trying to get them warm. As his fingertips moved over the inside of his wrist, he shivered at feeling his clammy skin. Damn, it was getting colder in here. "Can you put the heater on?" he whispered, uncertain how Jim would react after being snapped at.

 

"Sure," Jim turned on the heater and encouraged Blair to warm his hands in front of it. "Why didn't you say you were cold?" Yes, it was chilly in here, not that cold, but he should have remembered that Blair didn't do cold well.

 

"I'm cold all the time," Blair muttered beneath his breath, unwillingly admitting that truth.

 

"It got worse since the drowning, didn't it?"

 

Blair ignored that comment. "H and Rafe are pulling up." Blair buried his hands beneath his armpits. The heater wasn't helping much.

 

"Yeah," Jim whispered, startled that he'd been so focused on Blair that he hadn't seen their car. "You stay put, Chief. I'll update them and then we're outa here."

 

Blair didn't protest and after Jim had left the car he curled himself into a tight ball in an effort to hold on to his fleeting body heat. Several minutes later Jim slipped behind the steering wheel again and Blair shivered as a wave of cold air rolled over him.

 

Worried, Jim buckled up and started the car. It was time to go home. //Blair no longer thinks of the loft as home,// he thought, feeling miserable and was determined to work hard to restore Blair's trust in him.

 

///

 

"Man, I'm beat..." Blair headed for his room, not even bothering to take off his coat. He'd been released from the hospital six hours ago and the coughing still tormented his sore lungs. "Got a class to teach at nine, so I can't sleep late," he muttered absentmindedly and fell face forward onto his bed. He ignored his growling stomach, which tried to remind that it needed food. "Too tired..."

 

Jim followed Blair into his room and wished he knew some magic words that would heal Blair's emotional scars. //But I can help him to get better physically,// he thought determinedly and approached Blair's bed. Thankfully his partner was already asleep and Jim proceeded to remove Blair's shoes. Gently, he rolled Blair out off his coat and then halted. Should he remove Blair's shirt and jeans too? Blair would be a lot more comfortable without them, but he didn't want to risk waking his partner unnecessarily. In the end, he decided against it and rolled Blair into the blankets, making sure he was warm.

 

Standing back, he studied the younger man. Fine lines of worry and pain were etched onto Blair's brow, making him look older than he really was. //He needs rest.// Jim hoped that Blair would get the time he needed to recuperate.

 

As his gaze traveled through the room, it came to rest on the plastic bag that Blair had brought back from the hospital and his curiosity and concern almost got the better of him, wanting to check out the contents.

 

//You can't spy on him!// Jim's conscience chided him. //That's private! You would hate it if he went through your personal stuff!//

 

"I don't know about that," Jim whispered, barely audible. Blair knew his secrets, knew his faults, his regrets. "I don't have any secrets."

 

//Yes, you have!// His conscience kicked back in again. //You never told him you're in love with him!//

 

"How can I? I made so many mistakes..." He'd let Blair down so many times in the past that he felt like he had no right to admit his feelings to the younger man. How many times had he endangered Blair's life? What about the times when he'd reacted too slowly and too late? He recalled how Lash had almost ended Blair's life and shivered. Only when he'd faced losing Blair he'd realized how attached he'd grown to the anthropologist, who'd slowly convinced him that life still was worth living. "Blair, I'm so sorry."

 

Blair stirred and Jim quickly grew quiet. For some reason he was unable to leave Blair alone and he felt the overwhelming urge to stay close and monitor his best friend. Giving into his worries, he used his senses to assess Blair's condition.

 

The first thing that caught his attention was the too rapid heartbeat. He'd picked up on the fast thumping before, but it surprised him that Blair's heart was still racing. As his hand hovered above Blair's brow he sensed the cold and clammy skin and softly brushed back some damp locks. Even in his sleep, tiny tremors rocked Blair's body, and Jim was severely tempted to check on the meds and to give Doctor Anthony a call.

 

//But he has to check in with Doctor Philips tomorrow and I plan on making damn sure he gets there!// Jim tucked the blankets once more around Blair's body and while he made his way upstairs, he continued to closely monitor his partner.

 

///

 

Jim woke up first the next morning and immediately honed in on Blair's vitals. The anthropologist's heartbeat was still elevated. Blair wasn't awake yet and Jim decided to make breakfast and to wait with waking Blair until they could eat.

 

Careful not to wake his partner, Jim tiptoed into the kitchen and made scrambled eggs, toast, squeezed some oranges and poured the fresh orange juice into their glasses. After setting the table, he walked over to Blair's room and knocked softly. "Chief? Breakfast's ready, time to rise and shine!"

 

A soft moan reached his ears and Jim smiled, slowly opening the French doors to Blair's room. "Come on, Chief or you'll be late."

 

"Late?" Blair's eyes flashed open and a coughing fit immediately reminded him to take things slow. "Shit, what's the time, man?" Sitting up carefully, he tried to clear his lungs.

 

"Why don't you take the day off?" Jim suggested. "You didn't get much sleep last night and you need to see Doctor Philips today."

 

"I'll s-squeeze him into my schedule, I p-promise," Blair whispered, trying to get to his feet. "Man, did I really go to sleep still d-dressed?"

 

Jim cocked his head. Was Blair's speech slightly slurred or was it just his imagination? //Maybe he isn't fully awake yet,// Jim thought, hoping things would get better during the day. "When will you be seeing Doctor Philips?" he asked and stepped aside as Blair made his way to the bathroom. "Have you been losing weight?" The question slipped from his lips unintended.

 

Blair coughed again and staggered into the bathroom. "Yeah, I have," he managed between coughs. "Dying does that to a m-man." Jim's mere presence annoyed him, but he couldn't figure out why. He splashed some water onto his face and undressed. He planned on taking a quick shower, slipping into some clean clothes and then leaving for Rainier. As he closed the bathroom door he whispered, "Do you need my help today? I have an awful lot of papers to grade and the deadline for posting them was f-four days ago."

 

Blair stepped into the shower cabin and had to steady himself by leaning against the cold wall. Man, his vision was blurry and black spots danced in front of his eyes. Maybe he should quit taking those antibiotics!

 

Troubled, Jim stared at the bathroom door. Blair's heart was racing and he caught the sound of flesh travelling over the cabin tiles, like Blair was steadying himself. "I'll be stuck with paperwork most of the day," he said and returned to the kitchen.

 

He started eating breakfast and enjoyed a cup of steaming black coffee. "I was thinking we might eat out tonight, my treat!" Feeling guilty for failing Blair when his partner had needed him most urged him to make things up to the anthropologist. "You can pick the restaurant."

 

"How g-generous of-f you..."

 

Blair's reply caught him off guard, as it wasn't the thing he expected to hear. Blair was definitely acting odd. Then he remembered that Blair had asked him what time it was. "By the way, it's almost nine."

 

"What? Fuck!"

 

Jim raised an eyebrow. Had Blair just really used the F-word? That was a first! After finishing his scrambled eggs and toast, he got to his feet and walked over to the bathroom. "Chief, I think you should call in sick today and get some rest... Talk to Doctor Philips."

 

"Don't tell me what to do, Jim-m!" Blair had slung one towel around his waist and another around his damp hair. He slammed the bathroom door hard behind him and headed for his room.

 

Stunned, Jim listened as Blair dressed and he caught the soft coughs and curses telling him that Blair wasn't feeling well at all. But showing his concern wasn't getting him anywhere, so maybe he had to play things more subtlely. "Want me to drop you off at Rainier?"

 

Fully dressed, Blair stormed out of his room and swung his backpack over his right shoulder. "No, I can get there m-myself."

 

"At least eat something before you go. Did you take your medication? Your lungs are still congested and..." Jim never got the chance to finish as Blair cut him short.

 

"Don't expect me to drop by the PD today, as I'll be busy grading-g. I don't know when I'll be back so don't expect m-me to show up for dinner." Blair's gaze shifted from Jim to the set table and briefly he felt bad for lashing out at Jim, seeing that the Sentinel had prepared breakfast for him. "Sorry, Jim, but I don't have the time to eat b-breakfast. I'm already running late."

 

Jim could only stare as Blair dashed out of the loft, closing the front door behind him. He'd listened closely and Blair's slurred speech added to his worries. "What's going on with you, Chief? Why are you doing this to yourself?" To Jim it was obvious that Blair was ignoring his needs, neglecting his body's demands and running like hell. If only he knew what his partner was running away from!

 

///

 

Okay, it might have been a mistake to skip breakfast... and lunch... and dinner. Exhausted, Blair hung in the chair behind his desk. His head rested on his forearms and sitting slumped was the only way to remain in his chair. He was having trouble breathing and sweat poured from his pores. Black spots danced in front of his eyes, causing him to feel disorientated.

 

"Mayve... one ov m-my... s-stutends can gat me s-samethang ta eat..." The words came out slurred, as his lips and tongue felt strangely numb. And why was his office so cold? He'd turned up the heat to the max after it had started to snow again and the snow flakes clinging to his window were melting. It had to be warm in here, so why did he feel so cold? His clothes were wringing wet with sweat.

 

Confused, Blair wondered why he felt this weak and what he could do to remedy it. Doctor Anthony's advice echoed in the back of his head, but didn't quite reach the rational part of his brain, which seemed to be shutting down.

 

Shaking violently, he tried to get to his feed. He'd left his cell phone on the windowsill; hopefully he still remembered Jim's cell phone number. Maybe the Sentinel would be inclined to pick him up and drive him home. "Should z-zee Doctet P'ilps," he mumbled and managed to get hold of the phone. Slowly, he dialed Jim's cell phone number.

 

//Try to sound normal!// Blair didn't know how Jim would react to his request to be driven home and didn't want to take any risks. If the Sentinel didn't have the time to pick him up, he would call a cab, but an insane urge to have Jim close overwhelmed him.

 

"Jim Ellison."

 

Just hearing Jim's voice stirred something deep inside Blair and he barely repressed a growl. Carefully pronouncing the words, he said, "Jim-m, it's b-be. Cald yau p-pick ve ub?" Frustrated, he realized that his lips weren't co-operating.

 

"Chief? Are you okay?" The phone connection allowed him to hone in on Blair's vitals and startled, he realized that his partner's heartbeat was way out of control. "Did something happen?"

 

"I v-vorgot to t-take de antiboi...antibio..." Blair couldn't wrap his lips around the word. "I d-don think I should drife 'ome."

 

"Are you still at Rainier?"

 

"My o-ovvice," Blair replied, feeling incredibly tired and he had to sit down again, afraid he might faint. His free hand dug into the armrest.

 

"I can be there in... ten. Stay where you are, don't try to drive home, understood?" Concerned, Jim listened carefully to Blair's labored breathing. "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

 

"No, just-t tate m-me 'ome," Blair said pleadingly as Jim terminated the connection. Sitting upright in his chair demanded too much energy and he slid out of it and onto the floor. Shivers were running up and down his spine and he hugged his waist tightly, holding on for Jim to get to him.

 

///

 

All the way over to Rainier Jim tried to control his concern, but failed. Blair's voice had never been that slurred before and the hair at the back of his neck stood rigid, recalling Blair's racing heartbeat. "Hold on, buddy, I'm almost there."

 

After parking his car, he ran up the stairs and ignored the security guard who asked what he was doing here at such late an hour. He flashed his shield and ran on. As he got closer to Blair's office he picked up on Blair's incoherent mumbling. Unable to make out any words, he sped up and raced towards Blair's office.

 

The last thing he expected as he opened the door was for Blair to grab him. "Blair!" Jim managed to turn around in Blair's hold and his breath caught, seeing the violent expression in his friend's eyes. Blair was sweating profusely and barely able to stay on his feet. Jim anticipated their fall and his body caught the impact as they hit the wall.

 

"Yu'fe gattastaydowm-m! Cam-mingferya!" Blair mumbled and tried to wrestle Jim onto the floor. "Thow-wm!"

 

"Chief," Jim started, "I'm here, please don't do this to me. What's wrong with you?" But the draped expression in Blair's eyes told him that the younger man no longer knew what he was doing. He should have given into his instincts and called the EMT's before heading over to Rainier. Now he had to fight off a determined Blair before he could call 911.

 

"It's okay, buddy, let go. I'll take care of you." Blair's strength suddenly seeped away and Jim had no trouble establishing a firm hold on his partner. "Lie down, okay? Concentrate on breathing." But Blair tried to fight back again.

 

"Dey'w-weafderya! Yac-n-nstay'ere!" Blair had to keep Jim safe, had to keep the Golden people, Kincaid, Lash and all the other boogiemen away. He had to protect and guard his Sentinel!

 

Single- handed, Jim managed to get hold of his cell phone and dialed 911. Quickly, he informed the dispatcher that he needed an ambulance and informed her of Blair's condition. The dispatcher assured him that an ambulance would arrive in less than 10 minutes and continued to ask questions, which Jim tried to answer, but Blair was still struggling and in the end the cell phone was sent flying through the office.

 

"Hold on, buddy, everything's going to be just fine." Jim had barely uttered those words when Blair shook violently in his arms. "Oh, no," Jim whispered, realizing that his friend was having seizures. "Blair, listen to my voice, you've got to fight this!" He was babbling and didn't care. Carefully, he held onto Blair while his friend's body contorted violently and made sure that Blair's head stayed clear of the desk. Blair didn't need a concussion on top of everything!

 

Jim didn't know whether he should feel relieved when the seizures ended and Blair slipped into unconsciousness. "What's going on with you, Blair? You're scaring me," he admitted honestly. He'd never seen Blair sweat like this before. The sweat poured from his body and his hair had gone from merely damp to wet. "It's going to be okay, Chief," he said, hoping his partner could hear him, but doubting that he was getting through.

 

A moment later two EMT's rushed into the office, asking him to step aside.

 

"What happened, sir?" the male EMT asked as he uncovered his equipment.

 

"Blair called me ten minutes ago to tell me that he wasn't feeling that well. His speech was slurred and his heart racing." Jim tried to remember all the details.

 

"Anything else?"

 

"Blair almost slammed me into the wall, rambling incoherently. Then he had seizures and passed out."

 

"Do you know when he last ate?" The EMT listened carefully, realizing that his patient was most probably suffering from hypoglycemia. He slipped a sugar pill into Blair's mouth, waited a moment and then ran a test to measure Blair's blood glucose.

 

"He skipped breakfast and I doubt he made time to eat lunch or dinner," Jim assessed, seeing the pile of graded files and not smelling any remnants of food or drinks in the office. "What's wrong with him? Why is he sweating like that?" Jim wondered if they'd have to wring out his clothes later!

 

"Has he ever suffered from low blood sugar before?" The female EMT asked, giving him an ampule of D50.

 

"Low blood sugar?" Jim repeated, confused. "Not that I know of..."

 

"I'm starting an infusion of dextrose 5% and 1/2 normal saline," she explained. "Once he's at the hospital they'll make him eat and monitor his blood sugar, but for now we've got to act fast."

 

The male EMT got the gurney and Jim helped them to place Blair on it. "Are you heading for Cascade General Hospital?" he asked, making sure.

 

"Yes," the female EMT replied after checking on Blair's congested lungs. "He's in a bad shape."

 

"I'll follow you," Jim said and hurried back to his truck. He hated leaving Blair alone, but the EMT's knew what they were doing and he would only be hampering them.

 

As he slid behind the wheel and keyed the ignition, he tried to calm down. His heart raced with concern for Blair. "Damn it, Chief! I should have stopped you!" As he followed the ambulance, he got out his cell phone and called Simon to tell his boss where he was headed and why.

 

///

 

"Jim, what happened?" Simon marched into the waiting area and headed for an anxiously pacing Jim Ellison. "What trouble did the kid get himself into this time?" Simon would never admit it out loud, but Jim's call had startled him. Blair Sandburg was part of his team and Simon felt responsible for every team member... not to mention that he'd discovered having some protective and fatherly feelings when it came down to the anthropologist.

 

"I haven't seen him since they carried him into the ambulance," Jim started, "so I don't know how he's doing right now. I can't find a doctor or nurse to give me an update. The ER must be a madhouse, considering the large number of patients that have been brought in since I got here."

 

"Jim, facts please!"

 

"He called me because he wasn't feeling well and when I got there he acted weird. In the end he was having seizures and the EMT's mentioned that Blair was probably suffering from low blood sugar, that's all I know!" At a loss, Jim started to pace again. "He was unconscious when the EMT's arrived and they started an IV."

 

"Low blood sugar?" Simon repeated. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

 

"Simon?"

 

"Look, Jim. The kid has been running himself rugged since he started to ride along. He has classes to teach, does all the grading and then there's the work he does at the PD, helping you out. I often wonder when he gets the time to eat and sleep."

 

"It's not that bad," Jim said, wondering why he hadn't seen that Blair was exhausting himself.

 

"Listen, as long as they don't know exactly what's going on with the kid I'm going to cancel his ride along privileges. It's just too dangerous for him to be out there right now. Tell him that he's on... medical leave, something like that." Simon nodded his head. "I don't want to see him at the bullpen until he's rested and everything's back under control."

 

"Simon, this will kill him," Jim whispered, but he agreed with his Captain, Blair needed some down time.

 

"But it has to be done," Simon said firmly. "You can either ride a desk until Blair's back or you take some time off yourself. You've still got several weeks left and you might want to keep an eye on our anthropologist."

 

"I'll tell him," Jim replied, now convinced that they were doing the right thing. "I also spoke to Chancellor Edwards. When we left Rainier the security guards notified her that Blair had collapsed. Another TA has agreed to cover his classes and with the upcoming Christmas holidays, Blair can take three weeks off, more if necessary."

 

"Sounds good," Simon commented and wished he could light a cigar, but hospital policy forbade it. "I take it you'll stay until the kid gets released?"

 

"Oh yeah, and I'm going to make sure that he slows down once we get home. Simon, I think I'll take you up on that offer and take some time off."

 

Simon nodded his head and his fingers itched to close around a cigar. Yes, Jim and Blair needed that down time to straighten out their relationship.

 

///

 

"What's your name?"

 

Blair gave the doctor a suspicious look and wished Doctor Anthony had been on call when he'd been brought in. "Blair Sandburg," he replied eventually. They had moved him to a smaller exam room, with no other patients present and he felt thankful for that. Being examined with a dying gun shot victim lying next to you was unsettling.

 

The doctor instructed the nurse to draw Blair's blood and then concentrated on his patient again. "Do you know what happened, Blair?"

 

Blair slowly shook his head. "It's kinda fuzzy." The last thing he remembered was phoning Jim and he wondered what had happened next. At times, he saw flashes of Jim holding him, talking to him, but he couldn't make sense of those brief flashes.

 

"Your blood sugar got dangerously low." The young doctor studied his patient. "Do you know that you suffer from hypoglycemia?"

 

"Doctor Anthony kinda mentioned it," Blair whispered, awkwardly. "I didn't think it was this serious."

 

"When did you talk to Doctor Anthony?" he asked Blair, while reading his patient's medical file.

 

"Yesterday," Blair admitted, embarrassed. "He explained that I had to eat and drink regularly, gave me brochures, some sort of food plan... and a glucometer."

 

"Have you been testing your blood sugar?"

 

"Didn't have the time," Blair stuttered, realizing it was his fault that he'd had seizures. He should have paid more attention to Doctor Anthony's warning. His still congested lungs protested as he tried to speak again and he coughed, trying to clear his lungs.

 

"Have you been taking the antibiotics?"

 

"I stopped, assuming they were causing all these symptoms," Blair admitted. "Now what?" He'd started to feel better after the EMT's had hooked him up to that IV and he now wanted to leave this place as quickly as possible.

 

"First, you're going to eat a complete meal," the doctor told Blair. "And I'll try to contact Doctor Anthony; he'll want to know what happened." Looking at the nurse, he continued, "We're going to feed our patient."

 

The nurse smiled, nodded her head, and left to fetch the meal.

 

Blair gathered his courage and asked, "Can this happen again?"

 

"Having seizures, fainting?" the doctor summarized.

 

"Yes... and I couldn't talk properly and I was seeing spots."

 

"Those are warning signs, Blair," the doctor explained. "You need to keep foods, which contain a high amount of sugar, like candy bars, close so when you start to feel weak you can eat something."

 

"I don't want to be a burden, doctor..."

 

"Martin, my name's Martin," the doctor replied. "The nurse will bring you something to eat in a moment and we'll continue to monitor your blood sugar. You also need to go back on antibiotics for your congested lungs and if everything works out, you can go home in a few hours."

 

"Hours?" Blair had barely spoken the word when another coughing bout overwhelmed him.

 

"Yes." Doctor Martin looked once again at his patient's chart. "You put down a certain Jim Ellison as your emergency contact. Would you like me to talk to him?"

 

"I guess so," Blair mumbled resigned as the nurse returned with a tray filled with food items. "He brought me in."

 

"Ah," Doctor Martin started and shot the nurse a glance, "so his name is Jim Ellison." The nurse had informed him that the man who'd brought Blair in was still pacing the waiting area. "Does he know about your low blood sugar?"

 

"No, I don't... didn't want him to know," Blair admitted, embarrassed.

 

"Why? Once you lose consciousness you'll need help." Doctor Martin closed Blair's file and noticed the exasperated look on Blair's face, as his patient stared at the food. "I want you to eat everything, but take your time."

 

Blair nodded his head, surrendering and started with some crackers. "Are you going to tell Jim?"

 

"Can I?" Doctor Martin took a step closer to the bed. "I can't tell him without your consent."

 

Blair flinched. He realized that he had probably scared the hell out of Jim and he felt guilty for trying to keep this a secret. "You can tell him."

 

"Thanks," Doctor Martin said, genuinely relieved. "Would you like to talk to him too?"

 

Blair nodded once. "I guess so."

 

"I'll bring him with me after I explained your condition to him, okay?" Doctor Martin saw the guilty and embarrassed expression in Blair's eyes. "Hey, there's no reason to feel ashamed. You only found out that you have hypoglycemia hours ago and you didn't take it serious. You won't make that mistake again, will you?"

 

"I won't." He didn't want to scare Jim like that ever again.

 

"Now eat and I'll go talk to your friend."

 

Blair watched Doctor Martin leave and then started eating.

 

///

 

"Detective Ellison?"

 

Jim leaped to his feet at hearing his name. "Yes?" Studying the doctor in front of him, he realized that the young man couldn't be older than 25. Lucid green eyes sparkled in greeting. "How's Blair?" His partner was all he could think about.

 

"Blair is feeling better." Doctor Martin walked over to some chairs and sat down.

 

Jim followed his lead and waited for the doctor to continue.

 

"Blair's currently eating a complete meal," Doctor Martin informed Jim.

 

"The EMT said something about low blood sugar." Jim hoped that the doctor would explain what had happened.

 

"The last time Blair was here Doctor Anthony found that Blair's blood sugar was too low and..."

 

"Too low?" Jim interrupted the other man. Blair had kept that from him!

 

"Yes, Blair must have been skipping meals for his blood sugar to get that low. I just read his file and he's been in here quite a few times, so I'm guessing stress is also a very prominent factor in his life."

 

Jim's hands clenched into fists. "Why didn't he tell me?"

 

"Blair doesn't want to be a burden."

 

"Damn!" Jim cursed loudly and got to his feet. "I should have known better... and what about his lungs?"

 

"He stopped taking the antibiotics because he thought they were causing the symptoms. Blair's back on them now."

 

"What do I do?" Jim sat down again after composing himself. "How do I make sure that his blood sugar doesn't drop that dangerously again?"

 

Doctor Martin locked eyes with Jim. "Doctor Anthony sent Blair home with a glucometer, with which Blair can check his blood sugar. He'll have to do this twice a day, once when he wakes up and then again when he goes to sleep. Furthermore, Blair needs to eat small meals through out the day. He can't afford to go too long without some sort of food. Maybe some sort of snack/small meal every 4 hours while he's awake. I strongly advice that Blair takes time off from work."

 

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing." Resolved, Jim continued, "And I'll make damn sure that I've got some snacks in our cupboards and in the truck at all times."

 

"You're roommates," Doctor Martin said, suddenly recalling reading that fact from Blair's file. "That's good. He'll need help and before I send Blair home. When his blood sugar drops like that again get him to eat fast acting sugars, like orange or apple juice. I'll give you a list of food items that contain fast acting sugars and a prescription for glucose tablets, which he can take when his blood sugar drops quickly. Just follow the instructions on the package."

 

"I was a medic in the army," Jim said, feeling grateful that he had some medical knowledge.

 

"Even better." Doctor Martin got to his feet. "Do you want to talk to Blair? I'm going to see him now."

 

"Oh, yeah, I want to talk to that stubborn..." Jim left his sentence unfinished, trying to control his concern, which tried to manifest in anger.

 

"Blair needs a calm and stabile environment," Doctor Martin reminded Jim. "Stress will only worsen his condition."

 

"I'm calm," Jim promised. "I'm not angry with him, not really... it's just..." Rambling, Jim tried to apologize for his outburst earlier.

 

"Blair having seizures scared you," Doctor Martin supplied.

 

"Yeah, it does." Oh God, he'd been so scared that Blair would die and he'd felt so damn helpless! But now that he knew what was going on with Blair he was determined to be there for his best friend and to help him recover.

 

///

 

Feeling completely stuffed, Blair slowly pushed deeper into the comfort of the bed. The nurse had just taken away the empty tray and had told him that she'd be back to get another blood sample in 15 minutes. Resigned to his fate, Blair closed his eyes and felt thankful that Jim had arrived in time to call 911. He didn't dare think about what could have happened if Jim had been late.

 

//I messed up... again.// Blair knew how stupid it had been to ignore Doctor Anthony's advice and he didn't really know why he'd thrown the glucometer on his bed, never giving it a second thought. //And how will Jim react?// His gut instinct told him that Jim would be concerned but also mad. Hearing Jim's voice in the distance, Blair knew it was time to face his partner.

 

The door opened, and Doctor Martin and Jim stepped inside. Jim's first glance was for Blair and a relieved sigh escaped his lips at seeing his partner awake. "Hey, buddy, how are you feeling?" Jim approached the bed. Probing Blair's eyes, Jim nodded his head; the blue orbs were lucid.

 

"Better," Blair said, awkwardly. He met Jim's eyes reluctantly. "You must be angry." While fumbling with the blanket, he averted his eyes again, feeling guilty and ashamed.

 

"Yeah, you know I am," Jim admitted, not even considering denying the truth. Jim pulled up a chair and straddled it. "Why didn't you tell me?" Using his heightened senses he ran a thorough check on Blair and was satisfied when he found nothing out of the ordinary, except for the still congested lungs. He handed Blair some tissues when his partner coughed up some sputum.

 

"Thanks," Blair muttered beneath his breath.

 

"Let's make this a little easier on you, Chief." Jim got to his feet, pulled Blair gently upright and let his partner rest against his chest while he fluffed the pillows. Carefully, he lowered Blair back. "Better?"

 

"Yeah," Blair whispered, surprised that Jim was this concerned and actually showing it.

 

Doctor Martin smiled, knowing that both men would be fine and he discretely left the room.

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jim repeated his earlier question. "We were here only 24 hours ago... do you want to move in here permanently?" he teased.

 

"I'm sorry," Blair started, guiltily, "Jim, I don't know why I acted like that... I couldn't control it... no matter what you said or did it irritated the hell out of me. I know I should have told you, but..." His coughing cut him short and Blair finally sought out Jim's eyes, expecting to find anger in those blue orbs, but didn't. "I'm screwed, you know that, don't you?" he managed eventually.

 

"Why?" Jim gave in to the urge to touch his partner and claimed Blair's right hand. Beneath his fingertips he felt the small puncture the IV needle had left behind. "Why do you think you're screwed?"

 

"I'm a mess. My lungs don't work... and now I've got hypoglycemia as well... I can't work like this, can't guide you when I'm feeling this bad." Blair lowered his eyes and suddenly grew aware of Jim's fingers, which were caressing the back of his hand. "I should get out of your life, I..." Blair never got a chance to end that sentence.

 

"Blair," Jim said firmly and waited for Blair to meet his eyes. "You're going nowhere expect home and I'm taking some time off to help you through this." Blair was about to protest, but Jim raised his hand, effectively shutting Blair up. "You know I'm not good with words," Jim said, shrugging his shoulders apologetically. "But you need to know that I want you in my life, in the loft, in the truck sitting next to me. I need you, Blair. You came through every time I needed you and it's time I do the same thing for you. I've let you down too many times already."

 

"Jim..."

 

"No, Blair, I've got to get this off my chest." Jim kept Blair's gaze prisoner and saw the moisture in them. "I should have told you this after you drowned, while we were still in the hospital."

 

Blair grew silent and his eyes couldn't pull away from Jim's.

 

"The truth is that I was hurt and scared when I found out that you were coaching Alex. I felt betrayed. I always thought that I was your project, your Holy Grail..." Jim laughed a little at that. "When Alex appeared I felt threatened, maybe even jealous that you were spending time with her."

 

"But Jim..."

 

"I know you were only trying to help her and you didn't know that she was a criminal," Jim said. "But Blair, it didn't look like that to me. She was pretty, intelligent and..."

 

"Insane, brutal," Blair added when Jim had to breathe. "Why would you be jealous?"

 

Jim cringed. Damn, there was no way out of this; he had to go all the way and admit the truth. "Over the years I've grown attached to you... maybe even became a little possessive. I don't want to share my guide with someone else."

 

Blair's brow grew knitted. "Jim, start making sense." Was his brain still offline? What was he missing?

 

"I want you to be with *me*, to spend time with me, to..." Jim abruptly stopped talking, as Blair's eyes met his. "I can't do this," he mumbled and let go of Blair's hand. "I need to talk to Doctor Martin, find out when you'll be released."

 

Blair watched Jim flee the room. Stunned, he tried to shake the cobwebs from his head. What had just happened? It had almost sounded like... like Jim wanted them to be... lovers? Was that it? Was Jim in love with him? Blair closed his eyes and forced back his tears. Had they wasted all this time because they were afraid to open up to the other? He'd been in love with Jim for three years and had never, *never*, thought it possible that Jim might like him in that way.

 

Blair tried to relax as another round of coughing exhausted him. //Jim, I'm no longer running away. I'm ready to face this and... Maybe you're ready to admit you love me too.//

 

///

 

"Jimmy?" William Ellison immediately walked towards his son, whom he never expected to find here. "Did you get shot?" Checking Jim over, he couldn't find a visible injury, but clothes could conceal bandages. Ever since Jim had needed his help to find the Country Club strangler, they were trying to build a new relationship and William felt hopeful that this time he wouldn't let his son down.

 

"Dad? What are you doing here?" Surprised, Jim took in his father's appearance.

 

"Visiting a friend who had heart surgery," William explained quickly. "Are you all right, son?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's Blair... he hasn't been feeling well." Jim suddenly felt his dad's arm sneak up behind his back and almost pulled away. He was still getting used to being around his father again, who had greatly changed over the years and had finally admitted to making mistakes in the past. That was the only reason why Jim was giving his dad one more chance to prove himself.

 

"What's wrong with him?" William didn't know Blair that well, as they'd only met a few times and there had never been a chance to engage in a conversation. That hadn't kept him from wondering why Jim had taken Blair in. He'd heard a few things from Sally, who seemed to read every newspaper article that mentioned Jim's name and knew that Blair's former home had been destroyed in an explosion.

 

He'd reached two possible explanations while trying to figure out why Jim and Blair had grown this close. Either the two men were lovers or Blair was helping Jim control his senses. He'd seen his son zone out when Jim had only been a boy and had never been able to pull him back. //Ah, Jimmy, I'm sorry I made you feel like a freak. I should have backed you up!// William couldn't change the past, but he could influence the future.

 

"According to the doctors he has a bacterial pneumonia and now he's also suffering from hypoglycemia." Jim wasn't sure Blair wanted William to know, but he had to tell someone. He was still shocked that Blair had tried to keep this from him because he didn't want to be a burden. //You will never be a burden to me, Blair!//

 

"Low blood sugar?" William saw the concern in his son's eyes. "Does he have to stay?"

 

"I just talked to his doctor and they're releasing him in less than an hour. I need to arrange for a ride home... When I got here I was in a rush to get to Blair and they towed away the truck..."

 

//Are they lovers?// William had never seen Jim with another man, had never heard that his son was dating a man, but Jim was too concerned, too... worked up. //And what if they are lovers? Do I have a problem with that?// Considering his question, he recalled Blair's friendliness when the younger man had helped him to his feet after the Country Club strangler had gotten to him. //I'll need some time to get used to the idea of them being lovers,// but he didn't feel appalled, maybe even slightly curious.

 

"I can drive the two of you to the loft, that's no problem, Jimmy," William offered, watching his son closely. He'd learned from his past mistakes and was determined to do things right this time.

 

"Uh, you're sure?" Jim tried hard not to show his surprise. "It'll be at least 45 minutes before we can leave and I can always call a cab..." He didn't want to impose on his father.

 

"No, I'd love to help!" William carefully patted his son's back. "I'm going to have some coffee and I'll meet you at the exit, all right?"

 

"Uh-huh," Jim muttered, completely taken aback by his dad's eagerness to help. "That should work. Thanks again, dad, I really appreciate it."

 

//That's what fathers are for, to help out their sons,// William thought, but felt hesitant to say it out loud. Their relationship was still too fragile to make comments like that. He would take this slowly and earn his son's trust.

 

///

 

///

 

Blair was taking his first wobbly steps when Jim returned to his partner's room. Jim halted in the doorway and observed Blair as the younger man picked up his coat. Blair looked tired, pale and defeated.

 

Jim had gotten Blair's prescription filled and the sugar pills were safely tucked away in his pocket. "Ready to head home, partner?" Blair quickly looked up and Jim caught the melancholy expression in those blue orbs. "Something wrong, Chief?"

 

"I'm tired," Blair admitted bluntly.

 

Jim realized how hard that admission had been on Blair, who usually never gave into fatigue. "You need rest," he replied and placed his right hand on Blair's shoulder. Leading his partner out of the room, Jim's hand gently squeezed Blair's shoulder in an effort to reassure the younger man. "Doctor Martin told me what to watch out for. Together we'll figure out how to deal with your hypoglycemia."

 

Blair coughed, as his chest tightened. "Jim..." he managed between coughs, "were you serious about taking some time off? You don't have to do that." As soon as he'd finished, the coughing returned. Hell, he felt like he would faint any moment now, but this time it wasn't due to his blood sugar. They'd made sure he ate a sandwich and drank some orange juice with sugar, (which tasted horrible,) before leaving the hospital and they had assured him that his blood sugar was fine. It was his soul, which felt tired.

 

"I'll take some time off, yes," Jim replied quickly and looked Blair in the eyes. "We've got a lot of talking to do."

 

"Talking? Where's the real Jim Ellison?" Blair teased. "You never wanna talk."

 

"This is too important to ignore," Jim explained. "Let's continue this at home, Chief. My dad offered to give us a ride home." Jim noticed the surprised expression on Blair's face. "I ran into him here at the hospital and he..."

 

"Is he ill?" Concerned, Blair tried to focus on Jim's needs. When had he become this selfish? They'd only been talking about him; what if something bad had happened to Jim's dad? Feeling like a jerk, Blair waited for Jim's answer, praying that William Ellison was all right.

 

"Dad's fine. He's visiting a friend." Jim had heard Blair's heartbeat speed up and wondered what had caused it. "Calm down, buddy."

 

"Sorry, I didn't want to..." At a loss, Blair looked at Jim apologetically. "So why is your dad giving us a ride home? Did you leave the truck at Rainier?"

 

"Long story, Chief," Jim said evasively and waved at his dad as he made out William's form near the exit. "I think he really wants to help."

 

"That's good," Blair mumbled. His fatigue got the better of him and involuntarily he leaned against Jim for support. A strong arm slipped around his waist and Blair sighed contently. No matter what had happened between them in the past, he could still count on Jim to pull him through.

 

"Dad," Jim said and made sure he had a tight hold on Blair, who tried to move away from him. He wouldn't allow it, worried that Blair might stumble over his feet and take a fall.

 

"Jimmy, Blair." William gestured them to start moving. "I pulled up closer to the hospital."

 

Jim immediately located his father's BMW and guided Blair through the crowd. "So how's your friend doing?"

 

"Frank's fine. He has a heart problem and needed a bypass." William reached the car first and opened the door so Blair could slip onto the backseat and make himself comfortable there.

 

Slowly, Blair sat down and felt relieved to be off his feet. Closing his eyes, he listened as Jim slipped into the passenger's seat beside his dad.

 

After William keyed the ignition they left the parking lot and headed for the loft. Blair disliked the eerie silence in the car and wished father and son would open up, discuss things, but that would take time.

 

William had similar thoughts. He wanted to start a conversation, but couldn't think of something to ask Jimmy. They'd almost reached the loft when he said, "Would you like to have dinner together? I know a good Chinese restaurant where..." Then he looked over his shoulder and saw the exhaustion in Blair's eyes. "Or we could go for take out..." Recalling how protective and worried his son had been, William realized that Jim would want Blair off his feet until he knew for sure that the anthropologist was fine. "Sally's off, otherwise I would have asked her to cook something."

 

"Dad," Jim started cautiously, "thanks for the offer, but Blair needs rest and..."

 

"Jim, it's okay... dinner would be great, Mr. Ellison," Blair whispered and leaned back. His eyes were closing and it was getting harder to stay awake, but William Ellison was doing his best to reach out to Jim, and Blair had to encourage that. Although he didn't know William that well, he knew how important it was that the two men tried to rebuild their father-son relationship. Even now, after so many years, Blair still wished he'd find his own father.

 

"Call me Bill," he offered as he pulled up to the loft. "I hope you'll feel better soon. Sally's sister, Cynthia, is a diabetic and I know that it can be a battle to figure out what your body needs and when it needs it." William correctly interpreted the glance Jim shot him. "I surprised you, didn't I?"

 

"I didn't know Cynthia was a diabetic," he admitted and opened the car door. After he got out he helped Blair, who was nearly asleep, to his feet. "Come on, Darwin."

 

"Do you need help getting him upstairs?" William watched Jim manhandle Blair until his son had a tight hold on the younger man. //Protective and possessive,// he concluded, realizing that Jim wouldn't allow anyone close to Blair. //Yes, I could accept them being lovers,// William realized. Although homophobia had been ingrained on him since childhood, he thought he could accept them as lovers because Blair was a good person and was good to Jim. Accepting Blair would take him a step further towards reconciliation with his son.

 

"I've done this before," Jim said, chuckling privately. "I can manage."

 

"How late do you want to me drop by for dinner? Is Chinese food okay for him?" Amused, William noticed that Blair's arm snagged Jim's waist. Apparently, even in his sleep the anthropologist felt safe with his son.

 

"Around seven? And I don't think it makes a difference what type of food he eats, as long as he eats it..." An urge to hold Blair close overwhelmed Jim, but he kept back. He could wait until they got inside and had comfortably settled down on the couch.

 

"I'll be there!" William smiled, happy at receiving this chance and privately he thanked Blair for urging Jim to seize this opportunity to spend some time together. Yes, he liked the anthropologist and Blair might give him some advice on how to get to know his son better. William got into his car and drove off.

 

Jim dragged Blair into the building, trying to establish whether his partner was asleep or still awake. "Chief, are you still with me?"

 

"Uh-huh," was Blair's eloquent answer and Jim laughed warmly.

 

After riding the elevator up to the loft, Jim carefully guided Blair's step and the Sentinel was relieved when he finally deposited his younger partner safely on the couch. "Stay here for a sec, will you? Gonna clean up your bed." Blair's bed was a mess and he couldn't possible sleep comfortably among his notebooks and artifacts.

 

Blair pulled up his knees, curled into a ball and rested his head on the back of his hands. Lying down, he finally felt safe and secure, and sleep claimed him quickly.

 

When Jim returned Blair was sound asleep and snoring softly. "Blair," Jim whispered affectionately and checked the time. He was determined to see to it that Blair ate something every four hours, so he would let Blair sleep for another two hours and then wake him up to eat a snack. It was only four PM and he didn't want Blair to wait until dinner to eat something.

 

This time, he pushed his arms beneath Blair's back and knees and carefully lifted the younger man from the sofa. As he carried Blair into his room, Jim realized that his partner needed to gain some weight. //I'll fatten you up!// he promised privately.

 

He placed Blair in the center of the bed, debating whether to wake the younger man or not. No way could Blair sleep comfortably in his clothes. "Hey, wake up for me, buddy." Blair's sleepy eyes opened and Jim immediately checked if they were draped or not. Thankfully, they were lucid. He'd never forget the state Blair had been in when he'd found his partner. "Let's get you out of these clothes, Chief and then you can go back to sleep."

 

Blair nodded absentmindedly. Exhausted, his mind hovered on the edge of consciousness and sleep. Growing colder, he realized that Jim was stripping him. Jeans, socks, flannel shirt and T-shirt were already gone and he was now only wearing his briefs. "Cold, Jim," he whispered, trying to figure out why Jim was undressing him.

 

"I know that, buddy." Jim quickly wrapped him up in blankets and then sat on the side of the bed. "Anything you need before going back to sleep?"

 

"Needddd," Blair mumbled, falling asleep again. "Only... you...."

 

Jim's heart missed a beat at hearing those two words and enthralled he watched Blair's eyes close. Soft snoring echoed through the room and Jim smiled; Blair hadn't coughed once since they'd gotten home. Maybe the antibiotics were finally kicking in.

 

Mentally, Jim made a note when to give Blair the antibiotics again and then he picked up the plastic bag, which Blair had brought home after seeing Doctor Anthony. Opening it, he removed the brochures, which he would read later and uncovered the glucometer. "Twice a day, once in the morning and then again before going to bed," Jim said, repeating Doctor Martin's words.

 

He placed the glucometer on Blair's desk and returned to studying his partner. Curled up beneath the blankets Blair looked younger than he was and extremely vulnerable. Acting on instinct, Jim placed his hand on Blair's brow and gently stroked the smooth skin. "I hope you'll have some good dreams," he whispered and placed a tender kiss on Blair's forehead.

 

Reluctantly, he let go of Blair and got back to his feet. After picking up the brochures he walked into the living area and made himself comfortable on the couch; he had some reading to do.

 

///

 

"Chief? Wake up, it's time for a little snack."

 

"Go away..." Blair turned away from the intruder and tried to get back to sleep. He hadn't had such an erotic dream in years! The things that Jim was doing to him were unbelievable and he was *so* close to finding out how Jim planned to use those leather restraints on him. Pushing away snagging hands, Blair desperately tried to hold onto the fleeing dream. "Jim?"

 

"Buddy," Jim whispered, amused at seeing the content grin on Blair's face. "That must be one hell of a dream!"

 

"Uh, Jim?" Startling awake, Blair's eyes flashed open. What was Jim doing in his bedroom? It had only been a dream, right? "What are you doing in here, man?"

 

"It's snack time, Chief. Gonna haul you back into the living room." Jim pushed back the blankets and Blair's shriek caught him off guard. Covering his ears, he quickly dialed it down. "Blair!"

 

"It's cold! And why am I not wearing any clothes?" Blair stared at his body, feeling immensely thankful that he was still wearing his briefs, although the fabric did little to hide his obvious arousal. "Give me that!" He pulled the blankets from Jim's hands and covered himself.

 

"Uh, sorry about that, Chief," Jim muttered, feeling guilty for putting Blair in that position. //It was an erotic dream all right, Geez, Blair, I wish I knew who turned you on like that... I wish *I* turned you on like that!// Jim couldn't help but notice that Blair was well endowed and he just stopped himself from licking his lips in anticipation. //Control, Ellison. Get back in control!//

 

"I'll be out in a sec, gimme a moment here, okay, man?" Embarrassed at being found in such a 'delicate' state, Blair blushed fiercely.

 

"Sure," Jim whispered and retreated into the living room. //Damn it! Now I'm hard too!// Just seeing Blair aroused and nearly naked had made him grow hard in seconds. He'd never reacted that intensely to Blair's presence before and accounted it to the stress they had been in lately.

 

A few moments later, Blair ventured into the living room. He'd slipped into sweat pants and a long sleeved shirt and felt a little more confident now. "Sorry about that," he offered.

 

"Chief, we all have erotic dreams. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

 

//Even if that dream involves your best friend?// Blair thought, feeling guilty for having these thoughts about his heterosexual friend. Why did he have to fall in love with Jim? Why couldn't it have been a nice girl? Why Jim Ellison? Sighing, Blair made his way over to the couch and sat down. "I still feel tired."

 

"You need to catch up on a lot of sleep, Chief." Jim returned to the living area and placed a bagel with cream cheese in front of his partner. "I hope chamomile tea is okay."

 

"Thanks, man." Blair accepted the mug and curled his fingers around it.

 

"Do you still feel cold?"

 

"A little, but nothing like before," Blair reassured his friend. "Jim, I'm not complaining but why...?" He looked at the bagel like it would grow feet and run away from him.

 

"Want me to start a fire?" Jim was already on his way to the fireplace.

 

"That's not necessary, man. I'll put on a sweater instead." He didn't want to trouble Jim.

 

"No, it's okay." Jim sat on his heels, started and tended the fire, making sure it grew stronger. "We need to talk," he said while his back was still towards Blair. He wanted to keep his face hidden right now, as it would reveal too many emotions. Blair's sigh made him flinch.

 

"About...?"

 

"About you dying, me bringing you back, Alex, you running yourself rugged, not telling me about the hypoglycemia... do you want me to continue?" Jim composed himself and walked over to Blair, sitting down beside him. "Why didn't you tell me about the low blood sugar? I already had a feeling that Doctor Anthony was holding back on me, but... Blair, why? Don't you trust me any more?"

 

Blair looked away, unable to return Jim's glance. "I'll always trust you."

 

"Then why?" Exasperated, Jim moved a little closer, almost brushing Blair's body with his.

 

Blair sighed deeply, knowing that Jim wouldn't let go until he explained his actions. "Can you imagine how things would be? Hey, Jim, pull over, I'm not feeling that great. Where's the glucometer? I need to eat something... what if I have seizures at the PD or Rainier?"

 

"So you decided to ignore it? Pretend that it didn't exist?" In disbelief, Jim stared at Blair, who began to cough softly. "Damn it, Chief, it doesn't work that way. You could have died!"

 

Blair waited for the coughing fit to pass and then shrugged his shoulders. "I died before."

 

The words hung between them and both men grew quiet for a while. Blair was the first to gather his courage and to speak up. "I'm sorry for the way that sounded. I don't blame you..."

 

"Then whom do you blame?" Jim asked, apprehension creeping closer.

 

"Myself. I should have told you right from the start that Alex had heightened senses. I tried to tell you when I got home that day, but you were cranky and didn't want to hear a word about this woman I'd met at the PD."

 

Jim remembered that evening. "I'm sorry too, Chief."

 

"I don't want to talk about the drowning right now, Jim, okay? Or about you bringing me back."

 

"Why?" Jim urged Blair to sip his tea.

 

"It's painful."

 

"In what way?"

 

"You dumped me..." Blair quickly covered his mouth with his free hand. "Did I really say that?"

 

"Dumped you?"

 

"You told me that you weren't ready to take that trip with me, man. I can read between the lines." Blair emptied his tea, placed the mug on the coffee table and stared at the bagel, which Jim would make him eat, even if he refused. But he would eat the bagel voluntarily, not wanting to faint or have seizures ever again.

 

"You think I no longer want you in my life, is that it?"

 

"You said it yourself, man. It's time to cut the umbilical cord." Feeling miserable and depressed, Blair reached for the bagel. He would need his strength to move his things out of the loft.

 

Thunderstruck, Jim stared at Blair and then grabbed the younger man's wrists as Blair reached for the bagel. It was time to plunge into the deep. "You're so wrong!"

 

"Uh, Jim? What's going on, man?" Jim's hold was tight and Blair didn't even try to pull away.

 

"Listen very carefully," Jim started and moved closer to Blair. "Blair, I need you in my life, I want you in my life. You'll never be a burden to me and you'd better not be serious about moving out because I'd track you down and move your things back in."

 

"Why?" It was Blair's turn to ask this question. "Why do you want me here?" Had he been right back at the hospital and did Jim love him?

 

"This is why," Jim whispered and leaned in closer to softly brush Blair's lips.

 

"Oh," escaped Blair. "Did you just kiss me?"

 

Jim laughed. He'd never seen such a dumbfounded expression on Blair's face before. "I knew you were smart, buddy, yeah, I did."

 

"Why?" Blair lifted his right hand to touch his lips. "I can't believe you did that!" Stunned, he tried to make sense of what had happened. Jim had kissed him! //This is so not happening! Why did he kiss me? Why?//

 

"I guess that's what I wanted to tell you, Blair," Jim whispered, feeling a little shy, but determined as hell to see this through. "I've been in love with you for some time now. That's why I got all territorial when you admitted to knowing Alex. I felt threatened and jealous. She's a woman; she could give you what you wanted. Things I can't ever give you." Jim didn't know if his babbling made any sense, but he needed to get this out of his system. "I was scared I would lose you to her."

 

"Then why kick me out?" Blair had to pause as another bout of coughing got the better of him. "Why didn't you want me close?"

 

"I wanted you completely out of the picture. I hoped that if I stopped paying attention to you Alex would do the same and that it would be between me and her. You were dangling in the middle, Chief and I know you can't stop yourself; you've got to help someone who's in need. I couldn't take any risks." Jim met Blair's eyes and added, "I had this dream in which I killed you."

 

Blair wanted to reply, but the coughing got worse and it felt like his lungs tried to exit his body by crawling up his throat.

 

"Hold on, Chief." Jim got to his feet, walked into the kitchen and returned with a glass of water and some tissues.

 

Blair used the tissues to cover his mouth while he coughed up sputum. "Jim..." he choked out and the coughing racked his body again.

 

"I guess the antibiotics are kicking some ass in there," Jim teased, trying to support Blair emotionally. He wrapped an arm around the younger man and waited patiently for the coughing fit to pass. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he said reassuringly as he slowly rocked Blair against him.

 

Blair wiped away the sputum that clung to his lip and managed to lift his eyes to meet Jim's. "Did you really say that... that you're in love with me?" he panted, trying to regulate his breathing.

 

"Yeah, I'm in love with you, Blair." Jim was surprised to find that the words easily left his lips. "Now the question is do you love me?" The tears that flowed down Blair's cheeks surprised Jim. "Hey, buddy, why are you crying?"

 

"I've been in love with you for years, dumbass!" Blair exclaimed and immediately paid the price as the coughing returned.

 

"I take it that's a yes?" Jim realized that he had to go easy on Blair. Doctor Martin had told him that stress would only worsen Blair's condition. "That erotic dream you had earlier, was it about me?"

 

"Yes," Blair whispered between coughs.

 

"I'm flattered." Jim took in the beatific smile that formed on Blair's face and ran his thumb over Blair's lower lip. "Thanks for telling me, baby."

 

Blair cringed. "Baby?"

 

"Yeah." Jim smoothed back a stray lock of Blair's hair. "Are you up to eating that bagel?"

 

"I think so." Blair allowed Jim to place the plate on his lap. Slowly, he began to eat the bagel. "I can't remember the last time I ate something that tasted this great!"

 

"Get used to it, baby," Jim teased. "I'm going to put some meat on your bones. You're too skinny. I need something to hold onto in bed." Jim relished seeing the fierce blush that spread over Blair's face. "Be a good boy and eat your bagel. I'm going to call my dad to see if we're still on for tonight."

 

"Jim." Blair's hand grabbed Jim's sweater when the older man rose from the couch. "I don't know what to do..."

 

"Do about what?" Jim asked and sat on his heels.

 

"About... you... us... is there an us?" Blair desperately wanted to probe Jim's eyes, but lacked courage.

 

"Of course there's an us!" Jim said firmly. "I'll prove that to you after I made that phone call."

 

"Prove it?"

 

"You like to cuddle, don't you, baby? Don't try to deny it. I've watched you over the years and you're always cuddling with your blankets or pillow. Now you've got a real life pillow."

 

Speechless, Blair let go of Jim's sweater. Shivers ran up and down his spine, as he wondered if Jim planned on cuddling him in his big bed upstairs. //Focus!// he chided himself and concentrated on eating the bagel.

 

//That went well,// Jim thought, congratulating himself. //Blair's mine now.//

 

///

 

It was a quarter to seven when William parked his car near the loft. "Come on, Charlie, it's time to leave the warm car."

 

The dog, lying on the back seat, whined softly and got to his feet. It was still snowing in Cascade and the white carpet was growing higher and stronger. William cursed softly as he opened the car door. The cold wind slammed inside and his teeth chattered. After collecting the food and the dog's leash, he led the canine inside the building and then stepped into the elevator.

 

///

 

"My dad's here," Jim announced, but when he looked over his shoulder he found that Blair hadn't heard him at all because he'd dozed off again. A smile appeared on Jim's face and he quickly made sure that his new lover was warm and comfortable. They'd cuddled for the last two hours and he'd found that he loved sliding his fingers through Blair's hair and he'd made the younger man promise never to cut his hair without explicit permission.

 

"Blair? My dad's here," he repeated after making his way over to Blair. While running his fingers through silken locks he held his breath as the blue eyes opened. "Welcome back, baby."

 

"I don't know if I can get used to this 'baby'," Blair teased warmly and stretched his uncooperative body. "I can't believe I fell asleep again!" Blair managed to sit upright and looked down. "Man, I'm still wearing my sweats. Shouldn't I, you know, change for dinner?"

 

"Are you comfortable in those sweats?"

 

"Yeah..."

 

"That settles it." Jim gently took Blair's hand in his. "Can you get to your feet?" Blair might be a little wobbly on his feet.

 

"Lemme try." With a little help from Jim, Blair rose from the couch and smiled hesitantly. "Was it a dream?"

 

"Me telling you that I love you? No, that really happened." Slowly, Jim walked Blair to the door.

 

"Would you say that again?"

 

"I love you," Jim said and brushed Blair's lips again. The tiny moan that escaped Blair's lips didn't go unnoticed; it turned him on and Jim cursed the fact that he was growing hard again. //Not now!// His father was on the other side of the door. //What's that smell?// he wondered, puzzled. //He's not alone!// The scent didn't smell human.

 

Jim let his dad knock, not wanting to spook the older man. "Glad you could make it, dad," he said after opening the door. "Come on inside. Man, that smells good! I better set the table!" Jim was about to head for the kitchen when he caught sight of the dog that was hiding behind his dad's legs. "I didn't know you had a pet."

 

William stepped inside and coaxed the dog into following him. "I named him Charlie."

 

"He doesn't look too good," Blair commented. The Greyhound was shaking on his feet. His head was bowed and Blair could literally count the ribs showing through his skin. "What happened to him?" Sitting on his heels, Blair wanted to pet the Greyhound but it tried to get away from him, squealing and panicking.

 

William sighed. "He was a race dog and after he outlived his use his owner tried to kill him. It's common practice in some Mediterranean countries and the race dog owners over here are apparently following their lead. I found Charlie dangling from a tree. Someone had tied one leg to a branch, so he was suspended in air and couldn't free himself. I took Charlie to the vet, but... he has a long way ahead of him."

 

Jim and Blair had listened closely and both felt appalled by the dog owner's behavior. "Are you keeping him, dad?" Jim asked and carried the food to the table.

 

"I don't think I can. I'm gone too much." William removed the leash and Charlie immediately headed for the darkest corner in the living area, cowering there and whining softly. William knew from personal experience that it was best not to corner the dog and to leave him alone, but then Blair suddenly headed towards Charlie. William was about to warn Blair that Charlie would only panic, but then he caught his son's expression and a shake of Jim's head, so William didn't stop Blair.

 

Blair's heart was aching for the poor dog, whose body was shaking even as it was lying down. The big eyes revealed the animal's fear and panic, but it didn't discourage Blair, urging him on. "Hey there, little buddy. How are you doing? There's no need to be scared. The loft's a safe place and it seems you got yourself a new boss, even though he doesn't know it yet."

 

Blair sat down cross-legged at a distance from the dog, which he could cover by fully extending his arm. "So your name is Charlie? Mine's Blair and yes, I've got a habit of talking too much to man, animal, doesn't matter, as long as they listen."

 

William had joined Jim at the table and locked eyes with his son. "Blair seems better."

 

"I'll make damn sure he gets better," Jim promised passionately. "Clam chowder? Won Ton soup? You picked some of Blair's favorite dishes."

 

Pleased, William smiled. "I didn't know what the two of you liked." His eyes drifted back to Blair, who had miraculously managed to pet the Greyhound's head. "He's good with animals."

 

"And even better with humans," Jim added, dead serious. "He gave me purpose, something I lost years ago."

 

"Look, Jimmy, I'm really sorry about... making you feel like a..."

 

"Freak," Jim supplied as he put down spoons, knives and forks on the table. "We can eat," he announced, hoping Blair would leave the dog and keep them company. Blair's presence was the only thing that could calm him down now that his father was bringing up the past. "Let's not talk about my childhood," he suggested and felt relieved when William nodded his head.

 

"I'll be with you in a sec," Blair whispered, knowing Jim would hear him. He was making some progress with the Greyhound, as the canine finally allowed him to touch him. "Good boy," Blair praised Charlie. "I know that's scary. You've been hurt badly, poor thing."

 

Cautiously, the dog took in Blair's scent and pushed his head against the human's hand. Trusting his instincts, the Greyhound knew this human wouldn't hurt him, but as far as Charlie was concerned this was the only human who could be trusted. He didn't even trust the man who'd saved him.

 

"Guys? Gimme a few more minutes? I think he likes me..." Blair scraped his throat, trying to rid himself of the annoying urge to start coughing again. Blair kept up the soft reassuring mumbling while his hand gently stroked the Greyhound's head. "Poor thing, you've got to get better, you hear me?"

 

"Chief?" Jim had left the table and now sat on his heels behind Blair, who hadn't even heard him approach. "You've got to eat."

 

"Yeah," Blair sighed, resigned. He tried not to startle Charlie as he got back to his feet and slowly rose from the floor. "Maybe we can talk later," he whispered.

 

Charlie whimpered softly, and almost followed the human, but didn't judge it safe yet with the other humans present so he remained where he was. 

 

Jim sat down between Blair and his dad and placed the Won Ton soup in front of his new lover. "Start eating, Darwin."

 

Blair smiled hesitantly at William Ellison and saw traces of deep regret in the older man's eyes. Raising two boys must have been hard on William. He was tempted to start some table conversation to battle the cold silence, but didn't know what to say. In the end, it was Jim who addressed his father.

 

"You're not keeping the dog?"

 

"No, but I'll try to find him a good home. I couldn't take him to the animal shelter. They would put him out." William ate his soup and his gaze traveled from one man to the other. //I'm sure they're in love...// Feeling curious, he addressed Blair. "What does your father do for a living?"

 

Blair choked on his soup and prayed to whatever deity that was listening that he wouldn't have to go through another round of coughing. Thankfully, he was spared. "I wouldn't know, sir... Bill," he corrected as the older man gave him a stern look. "I don't know my dad."

 

"I'm sorry," William apologized. "I didn't know..."

 

"It's okay," Blair assured him. "You took me by surprise, that's all."

 

The meal was finished in silence and Blair quickly excused himself after he'd eaten enough to satisfy Jim's demands. Blair knew that his new lover meant well, but he hoped that Jim wasn't going to overdo it and would stop monitoring every bite he took.

 

"Hey, Charlie, the couch is way more comfortable," he whispered seductively and petted the dog's head again. "Come on, keep me company." He hoped the dog would follow him, but doubted it. Charlie was too afraid and Blair couldn't blame the dog for feeling that way.

 

"Jim, do you need me to do the dishes?" Blair asked, as he settled down onto the couch, wishing his fatigue would go away, but his body demanded he'd rest.

 

"Why don't you take a nap, Chief? We still need to check your blood sugar later." Jim and his dad began to carry the dirty dishes to the sink.

 

"Thanks, man! I owe you!" Blair yawned, unable to fight his body any longer. "Jim, you've got to promise to wake me should I fall asleep!" They had company and it would be rude to sleep while Jim's dad was still here.

 

"Go to sleep!" Jim said affectionately and from the corner of his eye he saw Blair fall asleep. "Thanks for coming over, dad," Jim said hesitantly. "It's a start."

 

William nodded his head. "I think Charlie likes Blair..." An idea formed in his head. "Jimmy, you used to be very fond of old Sammy, you know the German shepherd we had when you were little? You cried the day he died."

 

"What about Sammy?" Jim was growing suspicious, recognizing the look in his dad's eyes. William was up to something.

 

William's gaze shifted to Blair. "Look for yourself, Jimmy. Don't you think Charlie just picked his new owner?"

 

Charlie had curled up on Blair's lap and even in his sleep the young man's hands were petting the Greyhound's head. "Oh no," Jim moaned. "No pets at the loft! You can't be serious, dad!"

 

"Think about it, Jimmy," William said softly and grinned. "You'd make Blair very happy if you allowed Charlie to stay."

 

"What?" Jim stared at his dad. "What the hell are you talking about?" His dad couldn't have figured out that they were lovers! They'd only admitted their feelings hours ago.

 

"It's only normal that you want your lover to be happy," William said, deciding that he wasn't going to beat about the bush any longer. "I'm right, aren't I? You and Blair are lovers?"

 

Speechless, Jim stared at his dad and wondered what to say. "Why... how... dad..." Jim tried to form a coherent response, but failed. He'd never thought Blair and he acted that obvious, but if even his father picked up on it, they'd have to be more careful in future.

 

"Jimmy, I might be assuming too much here, but when you took Blair in I felt fairly confident that you had a perfectly sound reason for doing so; either Blair helped you with your senses or you were attracted to him." William waited patiently and observed the play of emotions on his son's face.

 

"Actually it's both," Jim said eventually, opting for the truth. "Blair helps me control my senses and yes, I love him." Defensively, he stared into his dad's eyes. "If you can't accept that..." But William cut him short.

 

"No, I accept it." William chose his words carefully. "Twenty years ago I might have found it offensive, knowing my son was dating another man, but not any more. Things change, people change..."

 

Something in those words rang familiar to Jim, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "I find your acceptance hard to believe." Jim had always assumed that his dad would fiercely protest this relationship.

 

William beckoned his son to sit down at the kitchen table now that they'd done the dishes. "When you married Carolyn I doubted the marriage would work out," he said, dropping a minor bomb. Jim hadn't invited him to that wedding and being left out had hurt.

 

Jim raised a puzzled eyebrow. "Why did you think that?" It occurred to him that they had never talked about Carolyn before. His dad had met her a few times and William had always been polite. Jim had never gotten the impression that his dad disliked her.

 

"Because she wasn't what you needed." William hoped he would find the right words. "You've always been special, Jimmy," he started and caught his son's exasperated sigh. "Yes, you have these heightened senses, but there are more things that make you special. At times you seem larger than life to me, son. You're hunting and catching these criminals, you can control your senses and you can't stand injustice. You're somewhat of an idealist, even if you'd never agree to it. Carolyn was the complete opposite of you."

 

Jim listened patiently, wondering where his dad was going with this.

 

"Blair on the other hand, is a lot like you."

 

Jim snorted at hearing that. "You can't be serious."

 

"Think about it," William said firmly. "You're both driven by this sense of justice. He's a teacher and you need his guidance, his advice." William looked over at Blair. "And he needs your guidance in return."

 

Jim's jaw almost hit the floor, as he listened to his dad. "You might be on to something," he admitted reluctantly. Eyeing William thoughtfully, Jim said, "Are you telling me that you can accept the fact that I'm in a gay relationship?"

 

William nodded his head once. "I wasn't a good father; I know that, Jimmy, but all that matters to me is that you're happy and if Blair makes you happy, it's fine with me."

 

Jim clasped his hands, considering his dad's words. "I never expected you to accept this."

 

"Jimmy, I made a lot of mistakes in the past and I plan on being a better dad... or friend... than I used to be." William and Jim exchanged a glance, reaching a new understanding.

 

"It's new, you know. We only found out a few hours ago." Seeing his dad's surprised expression, Jim added, "Yeah, we've been in love for years but never acted on it, never admitted to having those feelings, but when I faced losing Blair twice I couldn't keep up on the pretence that it was just friendship. He completes me in ways I never knew possible."

 

"Only a few hours?" William grinned.

 

"Yeah, we had a little talk before you came over. It was time to be honest. It was hard, going first, telling him I loved him, not knowing if he felt the same way about me, but I had to try. I didn't want one of us to die without trying to make this work."

 

"That makes sense to me," William said and petted the back of Jim's hand. "What will be your next move? You mentioned taking some time off?"

 

A genuinely affectionate smile appeared on Jim's face. His dad had really surprised him and they'd taken a big step in becoming friends. "Yes, I'll make sure that Blair completely recovers."

 

Their eyes shifted to the sleeping man on the couch. "I mean it, Jimmy. It might be good for Blair to take care of Charlie."

 

"I don't know, dad. Blair needs to concentrate on his own recovery right now."

 

"Jimmy, I know you want to take care of Blair, but don't smother him," William said, meaning well. "Looking after Charlie will make him feel useful and it'll take Blair's mind off things for a while."

 

"Dad, I don't want pets at the loft," Jim repeated, already dreading walking the dog, removing the hairs from their furniture and even worse, sharing Blair. //I'm a selfish bastard.//

 

"Give it a try? I can drop his things off tomorrow, should you decide to take Charlie in. I'll take him home with me tonight, but I think that both Blair and Charlie will benefit if the dog moves in."

 

"I'll think it over and discuss it with Blair," Jim promised.

 

///

 

"Hey, baby, open your eyes for me." Amused, Jim sat down on the couch beside Blair and watched his new lover's eyes flutter open. "Hey, sleepyhead..."

 

"I fell asleep, didn't I?" Blair slowly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to wake up fully. "I asked you to wake me... where's your dad?" Blair looked about, but found both William and Charlie gone. "Poor thing," he mumbled, lazily stretching his body and sitting upright. Jim's arms encircled his waist and Blair welcomed the touch.

 

"Dad left a few minutes ago and practically forbade me to wake you."

 

Blair recognized the look in Jim's eyes. Leaning into the embrace he asked, "What aren't you telling me?"

 

"He knows about us."

 

"You told him?" Blair stared at Jim in utter disbelief. He'd never expected that Jim would want them to be open about their new relationship. Jim being a cop, Blair had assumed that they would spend the entire time in the closet.

 

"He figured it out himself. Actually, he thought that we'd been lovers for quite some time." Jim smiled and his fingers gently brushed Blair's lips. "I got this feeling that the gang at the PD thinks we're lovers as well."

 

Blair allowed a lazy grin to surface on his face and wrapped his arms around Jim's body. "I'm okay with that." Slowly, he lifted his head, catching Jim's lips in a kiss.

 

"Baby, we need to test your blood sugar before going to sleep..." Jim reminded him and slipped from Blair's hold. "I'll be back."

 

Blair leaned back into the comfort of the couch and wondered what the future held in store for them. What kind of lover would Jim be? Tender? Possessive? //I'm about to find out,// he realized, as butterflies danced in his stomach. Feeling comfortable and even somewhat rested, Blair turned onto his side and watched Jim return to the couch, carrying the glucometer.

 

"You know how this works?" Jim asked, curiously.

 

"Yeah, a nurse showed me at the hospital. I just need a little blood sample." Blair's swabbed his index finger with an alcohol pad to sterilize it and then used the lancet device that came with the meter to prick his finger.

 

"Now what?" Jim asked a bit apprehensively.

 

Blair gently placed the drop of blood on the test strip that stuck out from the meter and pushed the button to turn it on. "Now we wait a few seconds." The meter counted down and thirty seconds later, both men read the result.

 

"Is that okay?" Blair asked, concerned.

 

"You never read the brochures Doctor Anthony gave you?"

 

"Didn't really have the time, but I promise to make up for it and read them tomorrow."

 

Jim pointed at the test result. "It's above your target range, which is 70 mg/dL"

 

"I'm okay then..." Blair sighed, relieved.

 

"Yeah, you're fine, baby." Jim placed the meter on the coffee table and concentrated on his lover. “You aren’t coughing much any more,” he observed.

 

"I feel better too," Blair admitted. "But why am I still tired?"

 

Jim brushed a stray lock back behind Blair's ear. "Would you like to keep me company upstairs? Just to sleep, mind you," he clarified. They needed some time to get used to their new relationship. No way would he jump Blair's bones while the younger man was still recovering.

 

"Are you sure that you want me in your bed?" Blair wavered. "Your bedroom is *your* place and I don't wanna invade it..."

 

"Blair, I want to hold you during the night, okay?" Jim looked pleadingly at the younger man. "I don't want you to sleep alone downstairs. I need you close to reassure myself that you're doing fine."

 

"Okay, Jim," Blair gave in quickly, looking forward to sleeping curled up beside Jim.

 

"I'll get your antibiotics and then we can go upstairs, or do you want to take a shower or bath first?"

 

"Do I smell that bad?" Blair mumbled, crestfallen.

 

"You smell just fine to me."

 

"In that case I'll postpone taking that shower until tomorrow morning. Just too tired, man."

 

Jim got to his feet, and collected Blair's antibiotics and some bottled water from the kitchen.

 

Blair obediently swallowed the antibiotics and nearly emptied the bottle. "I didn't realize I was that thirsty."

 

"You've been ignoring your body's needs," Jim chided him gently. "Promise me to be more careful in future."

 

"I promise."

 

Jim curled one arm around Blair's waist as they made their way over to the stairs. "Do you need to use the bathroom?"

 

"No, don't think so." Blair started climbing the stairs and Jim followed quickly.

 

"Blair, there's one more thing I'd like to discuss before we go to sleep." Jim smiled fondly at Blair, seeing the younger man curl up on the side of the bed that was closest to the wall.

 

"No, I have never been with a man before," Blair whispered shyly and pulled up the blankets to fight off the growing cold.

 

Jim stifled a grin. "Actually, I had another question in mind, but thanks for telling me."

 

Blair had the grace to blush. "What question?" Had he just made a complete fool out of himself?

 

"We'll get to my original question in a moment," Jim said as he snuggled up to Blair. "Why did you think I was asking you whether you'd been with a man before?"

 

"Hey, I'm in your bed, man. Seems to me like you should know." Blair opened his arms and relished feeling Jim this close to him. His lover's bare skin rubbed against his sweats and Blair wondered why he hadn't taken off his clothes before turning in. Yeah, right, he'd been afraid he'd grow cold overnight, but now he had his very own portable heater!

 

"I appreciate you telling me, baby," Jim said and slid his hand beneath Blair's shirt so he could run his fingers across his lover's back. Blair unsuccessfully tried to stifle a moan and Jim grinned. "You like that, baby?"

 

His eyes met Jim's and Blair nodded his head. "Feels great." When Jim's fingers trailed a little lower, Blair bucked hard against Jim.

 

"I always loved your ass," Jim said appreciatively, as he kneaded the mounds of soft flesh.

 

"I really hope you're a top, man, because I could get used to feeling your hands on my ass," Blair teased.

 

Jim grinned. "Oh yeah, I'll really enjoy deflowering you, Chief." The mere thought that Blair's virgin ass was his made his cock throb with want. If Blair had been healthy he would have made a move but now he was trying to keep back.

 

"What about you, Jim? Did you have male lovers before?" Blair quavered as Jim's fingers probed his cleft, seductively brushing against his entrance. //Yeah, he's a top all right!//

 

"I don't know whether I would call them lovers, baby... Only now I understand the difference between making love and fucking," Jim said, suddenly turning a bit melancholy.

 

"Did you ever..." Blair wavered, but when Jim's fingertips slid deeper to massage his guardian ring, he began to pant nervously and blurted out his question. "Did you ever fuck another man?"

 

"Yeah," Jim admitted and stopped his exploration. Now they were both hard and he didn't want to rush this. "But I never made love to them."

 

Blair sighed in relief as Jim's fingers returned to stroking his back. Although he'd grown hard, his erection was fading now that fatigue overwhelmed him again. He loved the little naughty streak that Jim had just displayed and hoped they would take it further once he felt better.

 

Feeling tired, he rested his head on Jim's chest, using it as a pillow and wrapped his legs around the older man. "I can sleep now..."

 

They lay facing each other and Jim saw the yawn Blair tried to hide. "Then get some sleep, baby."

 

"What about your... question?" Blair asked, sleepily.

 

"We can talk about Charlie in the morning."

 

"Charlie? What about him?" Fighting to stay awake, Blair's eyes opened again.

 

"My dad thinks Charlie picked you as his new owner."

 

"Me?" Blair's sleepy eyes widened. "Why would your dad give Charlie away?"

 

"Blair?"

 

"Come on, how can you possibly turn your back on Charlie? He needs love and care!" Slightly alarmed, Blair tried to sit upright, but Jim kept him in place. "I can't look after Charlie!"

 

"Why not?" Jim continued to stroke his lover's back and nuzzled Blair's throat as well, taking in his lover's rich scent.

 

"No pets at the loft!" Blair tried to repress another moan when Jim's tongue swirled over his collarbone. "What the hell are you doing? I thought you wanted to get some sleep, not fuck!"

 

"Never fuck, Blair," Jim corrected him. "To you I'll only make love." Sucking the skin just above Blair's collarbone Jim created a dark passion mark. "Mine, you're mine now..."

 

The possessive growl took Blair aback. "Jim, man, what's going on..." Blair bit his lower lip as Jim's hand found its way into his sweat pants and underwear. Fingers wrapped themselves around his rapidly hardening cock and Blair bucked hard. "Jim!"

 

"Mine," Jim growled, and pushed away the blankets. "I need to taste you!"

 

Blair heard the urgent tone and cupped Jim's chin in the palm of his hand. "Look at me!"

 

Jim blinked his eyes. "What?"

 

"What's going on?" Jim's eyes were draped with lust and Blair's heart beat faster.

 

"Don't know, Chief." Jim sat back on his heels and took in the passion mark that he'd left behind. "You taste so good..."

 

"Is that it? You need to taste me?" Blair realized that Jim's heightened senses might have taken over, momentarily urging the Sentinel to claim his lover.

 

"I need to know you're mine," Jim admitted, embarrassed that he'd briefly lost control.

 

"You doubt I'm yours?" Blair used his thump to stroke Jim's cheek. "Why?"

 

"I..." Good God, he couldn't admit it! Jim avoided Blair's eyes.

 

"What is it?" Blair sat upright and was now level with the Sentinel. Reaching out, he placed his hands on Jim's shoulders. "Tell me," Blair commanded.

 

Jim flinched and obeyed Blair's command. "At times I still smell her on you."

 

"Alex?" Blair held his breath. "Is this about Alex?"

 

"She almost took you away from me!" Jim exclaimed. "I could smell she'd touched you, smelled her saliva on you. She kissed you, didn't see?"

 

"A peck on the cheek, once," Blair admitted, dumbstruck. "Are you still afraid you'll lose me?" He wouldn't allow Jim's fear based reactions to alienate them and maybe they did need to take this step now and fully commit to each other. "You are afraid!" he knew with certainty.

 

"Maybe this is a mistake," Jim said and turned away, feeling ashamed for his earlier behavior. How could he have lost control like that?

 

"Jim, it's okay." Blair kneeled behind Jim and wrapped his arms around the Sentinel from behind. "I'll always belong with you. There'll never be anyone else, not for me or for you. We're in this together for the long haul, lover." Blair made the decision to commit to this relationship, no matter what the future would bring and he leaned in closer, pressing his lips against Jim's neck, firmly suckling the skin there. "Now we're even," he teased.

 

Jim turned around and probed Blair's eyes. Now that the blankets no longer covered his naked body, Jim's long and thick cock stood proud, still leaking a few droplets of pre-ejaculate. "I really want to believe you're mine."

 

"What will it take to convince you?" Blair felt immensely relieved that Jim was opening up to him now. Jim's doubts could have slowly poisoned their love.

 

"I want to taste you..."

 

Blair leaned in closer and pressed his lips against Jim's, his tongue seeking entrance to the hidden pleasures of his lover's mouth.

 

Jim's hand snaked up behind Blair's back and tangled in the dark locks. "Not like this," he explained as he used his hold on Blair's hair to end the kiss. "I want to taste you."

 

"Oh," Blair whispered. "You want to go down on me!"

 

"Will you let me?" Jim returned to kissing his new lover and maintained eye contact.

 

"If that's what you want... need... yeah, do it." Blair didn't object when Jim lowered him onto his back.

 

"Let's lose the clothes first." Jim licked his lips and grinned wickedly at Blair. "Lift your hips." Blair obeyed and Jim pulled down the sweat pants and briefs. He flung them onto the floor and then straddled Blair's legs. "I need to know you're mine..." he said apologetically.

 

"If giving me a blowjob convinces you feel free to proceed," Blair teased.

 

Jim leaned forward and curled his fingers around Blair's hardening cock. "I'm gonna eat you, baby."

 

Blair arched his back when Jim's talented fingers began to pump him slowly. "Jim..."

 

"Do you need me as much as I need you? Tell me, Blair..." Jim's tongue swirled across the head of Blair's cock and finally he tasted his lover's essence. "Tell me you love me."

 

"Stupid Sentinel," Blair panted, almost unable to continue as Jim's tongue probed the slit, even sucking softly. "I love you, Jim, I always did... oh, that's nice..." Blair's eyes grew big when Jim's lips closed over the head of his cock. "Yes, that's it... you're talented..."

 

Jim grinned. Trust Blair to be talkative during sex! Relaxing his throat, he took in more and began to suck his lover's cock in earnest.

 

"Fuck... wow... how do you do that? I'm not going to survive this, a little harder, yeah like that!" Blair had to stop talking in order to breathe.

 

Jim doubled his efforts to bring Blair to orgasm and managed to pry one of his lover's hands from the sheet and placed it on his bobbing head instead, hoping Blair would get the hint and urge him on. Blair didn't disappoint him. His lover was wildly fucking his mouth, hips rhythmically rising from the bed to bury himself deeper in his mouth. Briefly, he let go of Blair's cock to wet his middle finger.

 

"No, don't stop! Suck me, Jim! I need you, I’m yours..." A pitiful moan escaped his lips and then Jim's lips returned, enclosing his cock completely. "Yeah, suck me, taste me... love you, need you!" Blair no longer knew he was babbling and his hand mechanically encouraged Jim to take in more.

 

Jim moved and kneeled beside Blair. Quickly, he spread Blair's legs and probed his lover's tight hole. Gently, he pushed passed the guardian ring and sucked Blair's cock hard when his finger slid inside. 

 

"Oh fuck!" Blair exclaimed. His eyes flashed open at feeling Jim's finger inside his ass. "Yeah, Jim, I can take it..." If this was what Jim needed, he would encourage the Sentinel. "Want to fuck me?" Jim's began to pull back, but Blair stopped his lover. 'No, fuck me, it's okay..." Blair almost jolted upright when Jim returned with two fingers. "Oh man, I'm gonna come!"

 

//Yeah, I know you are,// Jim thought wickedly. His fingers probed the tight passage, trying to locate the sweet spot that would push his lover over the edge.

 

"Jimmmmm!" Blair wailed and bucked hard as Jim's fingertips brushed his prostate. Unable to hold back any longer he came hard in Jim's mouth, releasing his come in jerky spurts.

 

//Damn...// Jim couldn't keep back either and shot his come across Blair's belly, trying to wipe away the last remnants of Alex's smell on the younger man. Releasing Blair's cock, he licked some drops of come from his lips and then leaned forward, brutally claiming Blair's lips. "Taste yourself," he instructed. To his delight Blair parted his teeth and his tongue possessively slipped inside, marking each delightful inch of his lover's mouth.

 

Blair stared in disbelief at his lover. Jim had never given him any reason to think that the Sentinel was this passionate in bed. "You're gonna be the death of me," he whispered after Jim's lips released his.

 

Jim sat back and watched the mess they'd made. "Blair, I'm..." The overwhelming urge to claim Blair was now gone and he felt at peace and sated. Feeling guilty for the way things had happened, he tried to emotionally retreat, but Blair wouldn't let him.

 

"Hey, I loved it!" Carefully, he elbowed himself into a sitting position. "I loved you going down on me and I loved feeling you inside of me!"

 

Jim stared blankly at his hands. "I didn't plan this."

 

"I know that, Jim," Blair soothed him and wrapped his arms around the distraught Sentinel. "Do you now believe that I'm yours and not Alex'?" Geez, he'd never thought it possible that Jim felt that threatened and jealous!

 

"I think so," Jim admitted hesitantly and finally met Blair's eyes. "I feel... calm now."

 

Blair grinned. "This is settled then? You know I belong with you?"

 

Gently, Jim raised his hand and brushed Blair's bruised lips with his fingertips. "Yeah, I know you're mine now..."

 

"Can we clean up now? I feel sticky," Blair quipped and looked deeply into Jim's eyes, which had changed; they were no longer clouded and a new sense of belonging had appeared in them. He slid off the bed and pulled Jim to his feet.

 

Jim managed to compose himself. Never before had making love been this intense. There was one thing though he had to ask Blair. "Do you always talk that much?"

 

Blair blushed slightly. "Did it turn you on?"

 

"Yeah, it did..." Jim grabbed a blanket from the bed when he caught Blair shivering and wrapped the fabric around his lover before making their way downstairs and into the bathroom.

 

"Good, then it served its purpose," Blair quipped and grinned.

 

"Talking dirty turns you on?" Jim asked, surprised.

 

"Yeah, it does... guess I'll be doing a lot of talking in bed then!"

 

///

 

Later than night, Jim pulled Blair, who was sound asleep, close and rested his chin on his lover's shoulder. Blair had fallen asleep the moment he'd hit the mattress. "I love you, Chief," Jim whispered. "I'll always be there for you." Jim placed an affectionate kiss on Blair's hair and then surrendered to sleep as well.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Continued in Father Figure


	2. Father Figure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to 'One more chance'. Blair learns how to deal with his hypoglycemia and is confronted with his father's horrific past. Confused and lost, he eventually finds a father figure in William Ellison.

Father figure. (Sequel to 'One more chance.)

 

When Jim woke the next morning he stared into Blair's mischievous blue eyes, which vibrated with life. "Good morning, baby," Jim whispered and draped his arm possessively over Blair's hip. "I can't remember the last time I slept this well." They lay facing each other and Jim listened to Blair's steady breathing and regular heartbeat, realizing that the congestion in Blair's lungs had significantly lessened.

 

"Morning, Jim," Blair replied, smiling awkwardly.

 

"What's wrong?" Jim sensed the quickening heartbeat. As he elbowed himself into a sitting position, he studied his lover's expression.

 

"Never woke up in your bed before," Blair teased, raising his right hand to lightly brush Jim's face. "I could get used to sleeping in your bed." Carefully, he avoided addressing Alex, uncertain how Jim would react if he brought up that subject. Jim 'claiming' him last night had surprised the hell out of him. Yeah, he'd hoped there would be some hanky panky, but the desperate urge to Jim's actions had taken him by surprise.

 

"Why don't we eat breakfast and then hit the grocery store? Maybe we can rent some vids for tonight?" Jim suggested. His arms slipped behind Blair's back and he gently rolled his lover onto his back. Covering Blair's body with his own, Jim hungrily nuzzled his lover's throat. "You smell so good!"

 

"I smell gross, man! I desperately need a shower." Blair cupped Jim's face in the palms of his hands and memorized each line.

 

"Why don't you take that shower while I get breakfast ready?" Jim looked at Blair thoughtfully. "Don't forget to check your blood sugar before breakfast, okay?"

 

"I'll check on it," Blair assured Jim. "Are you serious, man? Do you really want to spend the whole day together? Are you sure you don't have to go to the PD?" A short coughing fit took away his breath and Jim held him tight throughout it. The support felt incredibly right.

 

"Take it easy, baby," Jim advised, listening to Blair's lungs. "You're no longer that congested; you're getting better." After the coughing had passed, Jim placed a passionate kiss on Blair's brow. "Yeah, I want to spend today together and the next few weeks as well. I might have to give my dad a call though. You know, it'd be the polite thing to do after last night," Jim added almost apologetically. "And he still expects you to 'adopt' Charlie."

 

Blair caught Jim's eyes. "The two of you got along fine last night, didn't you?" Blair allowed Jim to pull him to his feet.

 

Jim saw the shy expression in Blair's blue eyes. Apparently Blair didn't feel comfortable talking about William. //He's probably afraid his questions will upset me.// Blair's eyes cleared somewhat at Jim's reassuring smile and the Sentinel involuntarily held his breath, as the blue orbs sparkled with joy and acceptance. "Blair? Baby...?"

 

"I can't help it," Blair started shyly, "I like the man." He hoped Jim wouldn't take this the wrong way, as father and son still needed to work on some issues.

 

"Jim nodded once. "I gathered you like him. He sort of surprised me by accepting you so... unconditionally. Blair, I'm sorry he asked about your father." Blair always acted like it was okay with him that he didn't know his father's identity, but Jim had long seen through the mask, finding pain and longing buried beneath it.

 

"Don't worry about that," Blair said soothingly. "That's okay, it really is." Jim guided him towards the bathroom and Blair took the hint, realizing he needed to take that shower.

 

"We'll continue this over breakfast, Chief. We need to get some food into you. You're too skinny."

 

"Skinny?" Blair echoed, trying to sound indignant. "Who are you calling skinny?"

 

"You need some meat on those bones, baby. I want something to hold onto when we make love," Jim teased good-heartedly and nudged Blair towards the bathroom. He then headed for the kitchen.

 

Blair grinned, threw the blanket that Jim had wrapped around him onto the floor, and turned on the shower. "Skinny," he muttered beneath his breath and quickly glanced at the mirror before stepping underneath the warm water beams. //Well, maybe he's right... I did lose weight these last few weeks.//

 

As the water cascaded down his body, the memory of feeling Jim's fingertips, lips and tongue sliding over his skin, awoke his desire and he groaned, growing hard. Jim's passion had overwhelmed him last night. He'd never expected this intense side to the Sentinel. Blair's hands traveled down his body and his cock throbbed in want. //He sucked me... Jim took me into his mouth and went down on me... and then... first one finger, then another and...// Another grown left his lips, as he recalled how Jim had effortlessly located his prostate, rubbing it gently with his fingertip. "Damn..."

 

Their first exploration had been perfect and the memories had enough power to drive him over the edge again. He leaned heavily against the cold, wet wall and he released his come into the water beams, which quickly washed away his spilled seed.

 

"Having fun in there, baby?" Jim had smelled Blair's arousal, and then the sweet fragrance of his lover's come had drifted into his nostrils. He'd almost offered to finish the job for Blair, but had decided against it, knowing that his lover needed to work through what had happened last night. "Breakfast's ready," he added wickedly and stalked back into the kitchen.

 

Jim hummed softly as he finished preparing breakfast, carrying all food items over to the kitchen table. He'd even made one of Blair's favorites, French toast. Serving as a gentle reminder, he placed the antibiotics next to Blair's plate, hoping that Blair would take them without Jim having to harass him. Now that Blair had been diagnosed with hypoglycemia, Jim knew that they had to be careful until they'd figured out what worked best for Blair.

 

Blair stepped out of the shower cabin and dried his skin, suddenly realizing that he had forgotten to bring any clothes with him. It was warm, almost hot inside the bathroom and he didn't look forward to running butt naked through the cold loft to get to his room. "Uh, Jim?"

 

Jim heard his lover's voice and walked over to the bathroom. On his way over there he quickly checked Blair's vital signs to make sure his lover was fine. "Chief?"

 

"Jim? Could you get me some clothes from my room?" Blair shivered; when they'd walked downstairs he'd seen snowflakes swirling in front of the window.

 

"Sure, Chief." Jim grinned. "Though I wouldn't mind seeing you running around naked." Blair's sigh told him that his lover had heard his words. Grinning, he headed for Blair's room and collected briefs, jeans, a T-shirt, a flannel shirt and warm socks. He didn't want his lover to catch a cold while Blair was still recovering from pneumonia.

 

Jim returned to the bathroom, opened the door and quickly closed it again after stepping inside. Hungrily, his eyes devoured Blair's naked body, still glistering with transparent droplets of water. Regretting the fact that he couldn't expect Blair to be up to another round of love making, he handed his lover the clothes. Fatigue shone from the sparkling eyes and Jim was determined not to push his lover towards exhaustion. Blair needed to test his blood sugar, eat and take his antibiotics. 

 

Closely listening to Blair's lungs, Jim barely detected any trace of congestion. The antibiotics were obviously doing their job. "Breakfast's ready, baby," he repeated. "Don't take too long."

 

Blair smiled warmly and slipped into his clothes. He shivered briefly when Jim left the bathroom and cold air found its way inside. //When was the last time that I felt this happy? This complete?//

 

After carrying the glucometer into the living room, he sat down and tested his blood sugar. Relieved, he noticed that it was above target range. Blair then joined Jim in the kitchen and his mouth watered at the sight of the French toast, tea and freshly pressed orange juice. Jim was definitely spoiling him!

 

Jim sat down opposite Blair and sipped his coffee. "You look better, Chief."

 

"I feel better," Blair admitted. //I feel better because you're taking care of me, loving me...//

 

They ate breakfast in silence, every so often stealing glances and 'accidentally' brushing fingers when they both reached for the French toast.

 

Jim finished first and got to his feet. "I'm going to take that shower now. Hope you left me some hot water." He still felt sticky from coming last night and wanted to wash away the glue like remnants before heading to the grocery store.

 

Blair grinned. "A cold shower is just what you need," he teased and pointed at Jim's erection, which pressed against the fabric of the boxers.

 

"Cock tease." Jim disappeared into the bathroom. He wanted to call out, 'Don't forget to take your antibiotics,' but stopped himself just in time. It was up to Blair to live up to his responsibilities; he couldn't baby his lover.

 

Blair sighed and cleaned off the table. His eyes came to rest on the antibiotics. //Smooth, Ellison, placing them right next to my plate.// Blair swallowed the antibiotics and sat down on the couch, snuggling close and hugging a pillow, which Jim had forgotten to take back to his bedroom. Eating regularly and taking his antibiotics were working.

 

Recalling his promise to look through the brochures on hypoglycemia, Blair walked over to the couch, picked up the brochures and began reading them.

 

///

 

When Jim emerged from the bathroom, he first checked on Blair and was pleased to find him reading the brochures. It was important that Blair knew what he was up against. Together, they would find a way to deal with Blair's hypoglycemia.

 

He headed upstairs and after getting dressed he joined his lover on the couch. Jim folded one arm around Blair and the younger man eagerly leaned into the touch. Sentinel vision still picked up on the tiny puncture on Blair's index finger, left behind when his lover had tested his blood sugar.

 

Blair removed his glasses as he finished reading the last brochure. "You were right; I should have taken this serious right from the start. Man, I can't believe that I just threw everything on my bed, ignoring it."

 

Jim distinctly heard the self-directed anger in Blair's voice and winced. They still had to discuss some things and although Alex no longer stood between them, they really needed to talk about her and what had happened at Sierra Verde, but was this the right time? Would the right moment ever come?

 

"What are you thinking about?" Blair wondered about the distant look in the Sentinel's eyes, afraid Jim was heading for a zone out.

 

Jim decided to plunge into the deep. He had to address this, had to show Blair how he really felt about Alex, Sierra Verde and his guide. Remembering Blair's question, he said, "I've got you back and I'm never going to let you go again. When you died... I was so scared. I couldn't think straight." Blair's eyes darkened and Jim realized that his lover was still running away from him, from Alex, from their past. "I'm sorry that I ignored your feelings and needs." Jim pulled Blair close, but maintained eye contact. "I lacked the courage to look into your eyes and admit..."

 

But Blair cut him short. "Jim, I already told you that it wasn't your fault that I died. Stop the guilt trip. I really don't want to talk about this now." Blair struggled to his feet, but Jim wouldn't let him.

 

"I never wanted you to get hurt," Jim said and covered Blair's icy hands with his. "I owe you one hell of an apology for the way I acted."

 

"Jim! Let it go. It happened; it's over. Don't dreg up the past," Blair pleaded, almost desperately. "We can't change the past, let it go." Blair turned away from Jim, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. Jim's need to discuss this now had taken him by surprise. When Jim had been unwilling to discuss it back at the hospital, Blair had assumed that the Sentinel didn't feel the necessity to address it and had let it rest. Blair had vowed to never start this conversation. "You don't owe me an apology," he said firmly.

 

"Yes, I do," Jim replied in a similar tone. "I need to apologize, and I hope you'll forgive me. I need your forgiveness."

 

Blair's eyes widened. "What's there to forgive? You did what you thought was right."

 

"Blair?" Jim released Blair's hands and folded his arms around his lover's trembling form instead.

 

"You never did anything wrong," Blair whispered, brokenly.

 

Jim then knew that in order to make Blair truly understand he had to tell his guide about his vision. "Before I kicked you out of the loft I... I had a vision," he plunged ahead, while holding Blair close.

 

"Jim..."

 

Blair's tiny tone broke Jim's heart. "Baby, in that dream I shot the wolf, your spirit guide. When it morphed into you, I... lost it. My instincts went haywire, desperately trying to find a way to protect you, to stop the dream from becoming reality. I know it's not a valid excuse, but I couldn't think straight at the time." Blair had grown alarmingly quiet and Jim hoped it meant that the younger man was *really* listening.

 

"I can't make up for the pain I caused," Jim continued, "But at the time putting distance between us seemed the right thing to do. When you weren't near, I couldn't be the cause of your death. I'm so sorry I was wrong." Jim took a deep breath. "I can still see you standing there, staring at those damned boxes and in hindsight, I recognize the pain in your eyes, which I didn't see back then. I shouldn't have kicked you out, but I tend to push people away when they get too close or when I'm afraid. What did you call it? Fear based decisions?"

 

"Yeah," Blair mumbled, stunned. Jim was actually talking about his feelings and his motives! The fact that Jim trusted Blair enough to open up, made the young man feel special. He'd locked away the diss in his office after Jim had reacted so vehemently when reading the introductory chapter and he hadn't worked on it since. Instead, he'd started writing the diss on closed societies. Blair had realized that he could never publish the diss on Sentinels and although that pained him, he knew that concentrating on the closed societies diss was the right thing to do. Jim's reaction weeks ago had opened his eyes. "Jim, this discussion is pointless."

 

"Listen to me, you're wrong!" Jim said firmly, slowly rocking his lover in his arms. "Please forgive me for being a cold hearted bastard. I should never have kicked you out and..." Why was it so hard to say the words? "And I'm sorry that I let you believe that I didn't trust you. I do trust you, I always did and I want you to be my partner, my guide and lover."

 

"Jim, you're babbling," Blair teased, awed that his stoic partner had opened up to him like that when he'd least expected it.

 

Jim's heart missed a beat, seeing the beatific smile on his lover's face. "You still owe me an answer." He *needed* Blair's forgiveness.

 

"Jim," Blair breathed the name, wondering what would convince the Sentinel not to blame himself. After all, this was Blair's fault. But he saw the raw need in Jim's eyes and leaned in closer, placing a chaste kiss on his lover's brow.

 

Jim felt the absolution as Blair's lips burned his skin. Words became redundant as Blair returned the embrace, trying to subdue the minute tremors that rocked Jim's body. He'd been forgiven!

 

They remained like that for some moments, lost in each other's arms, soaking up love, forgiveness and acceptance, which went both ways.

 

Jim raised his head from Blair's shoulder and stared into his lover's eyes. "I can't believe I didn't say the words earlier," he whispered, referring to his apology. "Maybe..."

 

"Shush," Blair whispered. "It's okay, Jim, I love you."

 

Jim embedded the words deeply in his mind, storing them away to uncover the words when he needed to hear them most. Blair's hand soothingly rubbed the back of his neck and he craved the continuation of that touch, binding them together.

 

"I'm sorry," came Blair's soft apology.

 

"What for?" Jim looked his lover in the eyes, wondering what the hell Blair thought he'd done wrong.

 

"For putting you through this," Blair said, melancholy.

 

Briefly, Jim was speechless and shivers went down his spine. "You'd better not be apologizing for dying." The guilty expression in Blair's eyes was his answer. "Damn, baby, don't do this!" Alex had had the chance to kill Blair because Jim had thrown his partner out of the loft, leaving him open for her attack. "You're not to blame!" Jim felt relieved that they were having this conversation. Everything was finally coming in to the open.

 

"Hey," Blair whispered and wiped away the stray tears that made it down his face. "I fucked up too so let me take part of the blame, okay?"

 

"You made no mistakes," Jim said stubbornly. "You only wanted to help Alex."

 

"Man, this argument is getting old! We both made mistakes!"

 

Jim considered protesting, but decided against it. Protesting would only start the entire discussion again and Blair looked drained. "We're okay then?"

 

"We're fine," Blair assured Jim.

 

"You know, when you died..."

 

Blair cut Jim short. "Come on, man. Let's get those groceries. You don't want me starving and coming down with seizures!" Blair planned redirecting their conversation and Jim's expression told him that he'd hit a nerve. Jim almost jumped to his feet to get moving.

 

Suddenly, the phone rang and both men stared at each other, wondering if it was Banks, who needed their help.

 

"Are you going to answer that?" Blair asked, sincerely hoping it wasn't Banks, because they really needed some rest.

 

"Get our coats, baby, and don't forget your mittens. It's still snowing outside." Jim walked over to the phone. "I'll be with you in a sec." Jim picked up the phone and growled, "Ellison!"

 

"Jimmy?"

 

"Dad?" Jim frowned. "Is something wrong?" Why else would his dad call? They'd only talked yesterday. //We're setting a new record,// Jim thought a bit sarcastically.

 

"Jimmy, would you do me a favor?" William had decided to give Jim a call after thinking this through, hoping Jim and Blair would be willing to help him.

 

Jim was growing weary. What did his dad want this time? It was hard to dismiss ingrained instincts, which had formed during childhood. "What is it?"

 

"I need to leave town unexpectedly for a business meeting and I'll be away for the weekend," William explained.

 

"What favor?" Jim repeated his earlier question. "What is it?" Seeing the puzzled expression in Blair's eyes, he signaled his lover to remain quiet and wrote down 'dad' on the stack of papers next to the phone. Blair's expression grew ever more puzzled.

 

"Would you mind looking after Charlie this weekend?" William refrained from asking Jim if Blair had already made his decision to 'adopt' Charlie. They would tell him when they were ready. "I can't take Charlie with me and he can't stay home alone either."

 

"What about Sally? Can't she take care of the dog?" Jim asked.

 

"Sally's visiting her sister. I wouldn't have called if I knew someone else I'd trust to look after Charlie. He's really scared right now and..."

 

Jim sighed, realizing that he couldn't say no. The dog had been terrified yesterday and only Blair's presence had calmed him down. Leaving Charlie with strangers would only increase the dog's fears. Looking over at Blair, who'd already slipped into his coat and mittens, Jim whispered, "Is it okay for Charlie to spend the weekend here? My dad has to attend some business meeting." He'd let make Blair the decision.

 

"Sure!" Blair's eyes softened, recalling that Charlie had seemed to trust him, had even snuggled up to him on the couch. "I'd love to have him over!"

 

William smiled, hearing Blair's words through the phone connection. //Listen to him, Jimmy,// he thought, wishing they were close enough for him to speak the words out loud.

 

"When are you going to drop him off?" Jim inquired, checking the time. It was almost noon.

 

"At dinner time?" William suggested. He almost offered to take them out to dinner, but then reconsidered. Jim might think he was trying to buy them.

 

"We'll cook dinner. Hope you like Italian food," Jim decided and caught Blair's nod of approval.

 

"Man, we need to get those groceries! Don't forget to add Basil to our list now that your dad is coming over to dinner. And pasta and garlic and..." Blair handed Jim his coat, mentally drawing up a new list.

 

"We'll see you at dinner. Let's say 7 PM?" Jim accepted the coat and shrugged into it.

 

"I'll be there," William promised, ending their conversation. Maybe he still had a chance to make it up to Jim for past mistakes!

 

///

 

Jim rolled the hard candy in the palm of his hand and wondered about the appropriate name; Lifesavers. He added the candy to his shopping cart after making sure that he'd collected different flavors so Blair could select his favorite. He wanted to have the candy close in case Blair needed sugar quickly.

 

He'd sent Blair to pick up some vids, as he planned on vegging out in front of the TV tonight; they deserved some pampering!

 

After paying for the groceries he slid the Lifesavers into his pockets. He would leave some behind in the truck for easy and quick access during stakeouts. After leaving the grocery store he headed for Blair, who seemed to have trouble choosing from several vids. //Why did it take me so long to admit my feelings to Blair? Why waste all this time?//

 

"Hey man!" Blair greeted Jim as his lover walked inside. "You like Mission Impossible?" Jim might like watching the newest release with Tom Cruise.

 

"Sounds great. I'll wait for you in the truck." As he headed for the truck his senses remained locked on Blair's vital signs and relieved, he found that his lover was doing fine.

 

After sliding onto the driver's seat Jim slipped some Lifesavers into the glove compartment and then waited for Blair to join him.

 

"Jim, do we need dog food?" Blair asked as he sat down on the passenger's seat. He genuinely liked the dog and hoped that he would find a way to do away with Charlie's fear.

 

"My dad better be bringing all the stuff the dog needs with him," Jim growled, keying the indignation. He still wondered why William had asked them to watch the dog.

 

"Man, it's fucking cold in here!" Blair commented. "I hate cold..." Trying to warm his hands he began to massage them through the fabric of his mittens.

 

Jim took the hint and switched on the heater, feeling happy that they'd be back at the loft in twenty minutes. The last thing he wanted was for Blair to catch a cold on top of everything else.

 

///

 

"Drain the pasta, will you, baby?" Jim tasted the tomato sauce, trying to reach the perfect balance between the fresh herbs and garlic he was using. Glancing at Blair, Jim felt content. Although Blair still coughed occasionally, Jim's senses no longer found traces of congestion in his lover's lungs. Blair even took his antibiotics willingly. The anthropologist was finally taking care of himself.

 

Jim stirred the sauce again, satisfied with its taste and turned the heat low. Jim walked towards Blair, who had just drained the pasta, and then folded his arms around the younger man's frame. Pulling Blair close, Jim whispered, "Got something for you, baby."

 

Blair giggled warmly. "Man, your dad's supposed to arrive any moment now and you get a hard-on?" Jim's groin pressed against his ass and Blair barely repressed a groan. "We don't have the time for..."

 

"A quick fuck?" Jim said, playing along. He caught the tremors that coursed through his lover's body at hearing those words. "Sounds promising, darling, but I had something else in mind." Jim slid his right hand into his pocket and uncovered the Lifesavers. "Wow! Look at that, Chief! My hard-on miraculously disappeared," he teased. Blair had mistaken the hard candy for an erection.

 

"Lifesavers?" Blair mumbled softly, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Please keep them close in case you might need them?" Jim pleaded and slid them into Blair's pocket. "They contain sugar. I never want you to have seizures again."

 

"There's a good chance I will mess up and end up having them," Blair said softly. "We have to be realistic here."

 

"Promise me you'll take good care of yourself," Jim pleaded.

 

"I will." Blair turned around in the embrace to claim his lover's lips. "I promise," he repeated, suddenly realizing how badly Jim needed to hear it. "You won't lose me a second time..."

 

///

 

"Jimmy, Blair, thanks for helping me out," William said as he entered the loft. He unleashed Charlie and wasn't surprised when the dog immediately headed for Blair, trying to hide behind the anthropologist's legs. A soft whine echoed through the loft, which faded when Blair gently stroked the dog's head.

 

"Hey, Charlie, everything's fine," Blair whispered and sat on his heels in front of the dog, which was now eagerly licking his hand and trying to slither his tongue over Blair's face as well.

 

William watched Blair and Charlie closely, hoping the young man would make the right decision and take the dog in. It was obvious man and dog belonged together and it was a pity that Blair didn't see it that way.

 

Charlie had lived at his house for 3 weeks now and William still wasn't allowed to pet the dog's head. Charlie cowered in the corner of the kitchen and always seemed ready to bolt, but whenever Blair was close the dog calmed down. 

 

"Charlie's things are still in my car. Jimmy, would you give me a hand in hauling them upstairs?" William hoped that his attempt to speak in private with his son wasn't that obvious, but he needed to talk to Jim.

 

"Blair?" Jim looked at his lover, making sure Blair was okay with him helping his dad.

 

"Go ahead, Jim. I'll take care of Charlie and get dinner ready." All he had to do was to reheat the food.

 

Jim and William left the loft and rode the elevator to the parking lot. Eventually, William couldn't take the silence any longer and said, "Jimmy, can I ask you something personal?"

 

"Another favor?" This time Jim tried not to feel suspicious.

 

"Sort of." William opened the car door and handed Charlie's things to Jim. "Christmas is coming up in two weeks and I was wondering..." William's voice trailed off, losing conviction as he hesitated to phrase his next sentence. "I know that we haven't celebrated Christmas since your mother left, but..."

 

Jim held his breath, hearing those words. They entered the elevator again and he wondered where this conversation was headed. His dad had refused to celebrate Christmas with his sons after Grace had left so why bring it up now? "What about it?"

 

"The big house is always so empty during the holidays and I was hoping that..." Suddenly, William realized that he was babbling. When had he become this nervous? "Would you and Blair spend Christmas at my house?"

 

Jim froze at hearing the hesitant invitation. He couldn't picture his dad setting up a tree, hanging garlands or putting presents under the Christmas tree. This invitation certainly had a surreal feel to it. "Dad, don't get me wrong, but... I don't think it's a good idea." Jim peeked at William's eyes and shivers ran down Jim's spine as he remembered the Christmases he'd spent with his father and Steven, and he didn't want to expose a recovering Blair to the dreadful atmosphere. Jim startled, seeing the embarrassed, almost ashamed expression in his dad's eyes.

 

"Oh, you already made plans... Jimmy, I really don't want to impose, forget I ever mentioned it." His son's rejection hurt. Strange, he'd never believed Jim's rejection would open an old wound. //I want my family back...// And he even considered Blair family. //I didn't lose a son, I gained one!// Suddenly, William feared that he'd made a huge mistake by inviting Jim and his lover over for Christmas.

 

"Dad," Jim started guiltily. "That's not it... it's just... everything's different now." Jim paused as he stepped into the corridor. He wanted this resolved before they stepped inside. "I wouldn't feel comfortable celebrating Christmas with you... at the house. Not after the things that happened between us."

 

"My home is your home too, Jimmy. You're my son and you and Blair are always welcome." William wasn't giving up yet and played his trump. "Would you let Blair decide? I'd like to get to know him and this would be a great opportunity."

 

//You don't play fair, dad,// Jim thought, realizing William's game plan. His dad had long realized that Blair wanted them to bury the hatchet and would gladly accept the invitation, hoping father and son would grow close again. "We'll see," Jim said eventually, not having made up his mind yet. As he opened the door to the loft, Jim immediately registered Blair's giggling. Seeking out his lover, Jim found Blair and Charlie playing in front of the fireplace.

 

"Jim!" Blair called out and hurried into the kitchen, eager to serve the food now it was still hot. "Dinner's ready." He'd used William and Jim's absence to quickly test his blood sugar before dinner.

 

William and Jim dropped Charlie's things off at the couch and then headed for the kitchen table. "Looks and smells great," William complimented them as he sat down and inhaled the delicious fragrances.

 

"Here," William uncovered a bottle of expensive red wine from the confines of his long trench coat, which he'd draped over the chair earlier and handed Jim the bottle. "You mentioned we were having Italian food and this is great wine."

 

Jim accepted the bottle, realizing it was a good year. He got up, gathered three wine glasses and sat down at the table again. Thoughtfully, he stared at his lover. "You're still on antibiotics, Blair."

 

"One glass! Come on, man! One glass!" Blair pleaded and the expression in Jim's eyes told Blair that he'd won.

 

"One glass," Jim repeated firmly and poured Blair a half glass of wine.

 

Amused, William watched them. Jim had never acted this concerned before. //Carolyn didn't like it when Jim tried to take care of her...// William recalled. Sipping his wine, he watched his son closely.

 

///

 

"I think I had a little too much wine," William whispered, feeling embarrassed. He'd emptied three glasses of wine during dinner, lured into a sense of belonging by Blair's happy chatter. The anthropologist was really trying to make him feel at home and William truly appreciated the effort Blair was making.

 

//Yeah, we both had a little too much wine,// Jim realized and was about to suggest he drove his dad home when he finally registered the fact that he shouldn't be driving either. "Want me to call a cab?"

 

"Jim?" Blair was the only one sober as Jim had made sure that he only drank a half glass of wine. Blair smiled; after father and son had done away with the first bottle, Jim had uncovered another wine bottle, which they'd quickly opened.

 

"Jim, your dad can stay in my room. I can sleep on the couch." Blair didn't want to offend William by mentioning that Jim and he were sharing the bed upstairs, uncertain how William would react to actually hearing the words. So he decided to be careful. Coughing briefly, Blair cleared his lungs. "Look outside, man, it's storming!" A gale had built and the snow had changed into treacherous sleet. The roads wouldn't be safe tonight. William spending the night here was the best solution.

 

William looked out of the window, watching as hail began to crash down. Driving would be extremely dangerous. //Can't drive anyway... I think I'm tipsy.// Then, he remembered Blair's proposal and said, "I can sleep on the couch. It looks comfortable and I'm not that old!" However, William wondered why Blair wanted to sleep on the couch; seeing how close the two men were he assumed they were sharing a bed.

 

Jim gave Blair a lopsided grin. Was his lover really suggesting that his dad spend the night at the loft? //And why can't I think rationally? I shouldn't have had that last glass of wine!// Of course William could stay the night! "You don't have to sleep on the couch, baby," he whispered, addressing Blair and forgetting about his dad's presence. "Bed is big enough for both of us."

 

Blair blushed and stole a glance at William, wondering about the older man's reaction at hearing something that intimate. Maybe it was the alcohol, but William appeared relaxed and didn't cringe at hearing Jim's 'baby'. Feeling the need to momentarily distance himself, Blair got to his feet and gathered Charlie's stuff from the couch. William had fed the dog before coming to the loft so Blair put away the dog food for now. Blair eyed the pillow William had brought along and looked at Jim's dad. "What's that for?"

 

"It's his favorite pillow," William explained. "He likes to sleep on it. Something like a security blanket."

 

The moment Blair put the pillow next to the fireplace Charlie walked over to him and gingerly lay down, burying his head beneath his front paws. Blair petted the dog's head and then sat down cross-legged beside the canine. Lost in thought Blair didn't pay much attention to what Jim and William were saying.

 

William sipped the wine, vowing this would be his last glass for the evening. He closely observed Blair and Charlie, and definitely liked what he was seeing. "You did well, Jimmy," William mumbled approvingly.

 

Jim's head, which had started to slump, jerked back. "Uh?" He wasn't dozing off, was he? "Whadda ya say?" The words came out slightly slurred.

 

"Blair's a good guy and I like him. You did well, Jimmy," William said, tongue loosened by the consumed alcohol. Yawning, William wished he could lie down and catch some sleep. Work had kept him awfully busy lately and now he was going to pay the price. "Where's that damn couch?"

 

Blair looked up, hearing William's words and locked eyes with Jim. Did the Sentinel really want him upstairs while his dad was staying at the loft? Blair watched as Jim steered William towards the French doors, guiding his dad towards the futon. Blair smiled happily, seeing that Jim was supporting his dad as William was wobbly on his feet.

 

"I'll be fine, Jimmy, thank you," William mumbled and nudged Jim towards the living area. The futon seemed awfully inviting and he couldn't wait to lie down and get some sleep. It was funny. When he'd left his home earlier he'd never expected to end up spending the night at the loft. Hopefully he could return the favor and Blair and Jim would stay at his place during Christmas. He was really looking forward to spending time with them.

 

That Charlie wasn't following him, didn't surprise William one bit. The dog had never really trusted him and Charlie had instantly taken to Blair.

 

William cocked his head and tried to catch fragments of Blair and Jim's conversation in the living room.

 

"Baby, let's catch some sleep? I'm so tired... why didn't you stop me after I had that first glass of wine?" Jim wished he could lean in and pull Blair, who was still sitting cross-legged on the floor, to his feet, but he didn't trust his balance, feeling wobbly.

 

Blair smiled, petted Charlie's head one more time and then rose to his feet. "Let's go upstairs, man. You look like you're going to keel over any moment now." Blair folded a supportive arm around Jim's waist and together they walked towards the stairs. "Can't believe you wanted to send your dad into that snowstorm!"

 

Jim ignored Blair's comment for now as he felt too tired to argue. "But you're walking the dog tomorrow, Chief," Jim said decisively. "I'll probably end up with a hangover... Man, what did I do to deserve this? It was just some wine!"

 

Blair glanced outside through the windows and forced Jim to halt in his tracks as he stopped abruptly. "Look at that," he whispered, shivering and feeling grateful that he had a real home. "At times like these I realize what a lucky bastard I am."

 

Jim lazily nuzzled Blair's neck, deeply inhaling his lover's scent. Suddenly, it hit him that his dad was sleeping only a few feet away and here he stood, holding his very male lover in his arms. Wasn't that amazing? William had truly accepted Blair into the family. It was more than Jim had ever hoped for. "Love you," Jim whispered sincerely, leading his lover upstairs.

 

However, Charlie's sudden whining stopped them. Blair looked over his shoulder and his heart ached for the poor dog. Charlie wavered to get to his feet, fearful to leave his pillow and Blair couldn't ignore the sad look the dog gave him. "Jim, we can't leave him here alone."

 

Jim sighed; he had known this was coming. "Blair, I love you but I draw the line at you bringing a dog into our bed." But as he looked into Blair's eyes, Jim knew he had lost. He couldn't deny Blair a thing. "Bring the pillow. He can sleep next to the bed."

 

"Thanks!" Blair exclaimed and kissed Jim passionately.

 

Dazed, Jim released another sigh. It was so easy to make Blair happy. All it took was permission for Charlie to sleep upstairs on the floor. //I'll make you happy, I promise.//

 

///

 

Startled, Blair woke later that night, feeling cold and he was sweating again. After elbowing himself into an upright position, he regulated his accelerated breathing. This time, he recognized the warning signs. //Low blood sugar...// Hopefully eating or drinking something that contained sugar would remedy his condition.

 

The first thing that came to mind was the hard candy that Jim had placed on the nightstand after they'd returned from the grocery store. His hands shook as he reached for the Lifesavers, trying to remove the wrapping. //Not again, please, not again!// He didn't want to have seizures again, which would scare the hell out of his lover.

 

"Shit," Blair whispered, frustrated. His fingers refused to cooperate, but he needed to remove the wrapping in order to get to the hard candy!

 

The whispered word roused Jim from his sleep and his eyes flashed open. Immediately, he picked up on Blair's racing heartbeat and he realized that the stench of sweat had returned. Something was wrong with his lover!

 

"Blair?" Jim didn't need light to see his lover's face in the dark, but Blair seemed to be panicking so he switched on the lamp on the nightstand. "Baby, talk to me?"

 

"Jim, I need..." Blair grew frustrated as the tremors that rocked his hands worsened.

 

Jim realized his lover's predicament and steadied Blair's hands as the younger man did away with the wrapping. "Start with one, baby," he advised, soothingly rubbing Blair's back beneath the fabric of the sweats. He'd hoped that Blair would join him in bed naked when they'd gone to sleep hours ago, but Blair had shivered and Jim had lent him some sweats with the Cascade PD logo on it. He remembered reading the brochures and knew what to do. "Let me get you some orange juice. I'll be right back." Jim hurried downstairs, got the orange juice and returned upstairs, setting a new time record.

 

After drinking the orange juice, Blair ate one piece of candy and then another. As the sugar made its way through his body, Blair grew a little calmer. "I should test my blood sugar... I think..." Blair felt immensely grateful that Jim remained calm and wasn't assuming control.

 

"Want me to get the meter?" Jim offered, realizing how important it was that Blair was in control.

 

"Yeah, thanks, Jim." Blair smiled reassuringly, feeling a little better already. "I'm flying blind here... I don't know how much to eat or what my blood sugar is at." Blair slipped another piece of candy into his mouth, uncertain how many pieces he was supposed to eat.

 

Jim hurried downstairs to collect the meter and when he climbed back into bed he draped a spare blanket over Blair's slumped shoulders. Relieved, Jim noticed that the stench of sweat that surrounded Blair was growing less. "It's gonna be okay, Chief, you're doing fine, just stay calm," he rambled, trying to stay in control of his feelings. "And let me get you out of the shirt, it's soaking wet, hold on, baby." Jim left the bed again to gather a clean shirt and some sweat pants. Silently, he helped Blair slip into them. Jim proceeded to assist Blair as his lover tested his blood sugar, mostly steadying the younger man's hands and offering morale support. "You can do it, baby. It's gonna be okay."

 

Thirty seconds later Blair shivered, reading the test result. "It's below target range."

 

Jim heard the scared tone to Blair's voice. "Eat some more candy and I'll fix you a peanut butter sandwich, you need the protein. We'll test your blood sugar again in fifteen minutes."

 

"Jim, I don't think I can eat a sandwich right now..." Blair rested his back against Jim's chest, soaking up his lover's support and love, as the Sentinel continued to soothingly rub his back. "Feels good..." Blair whispered and stared at the few pieces of candy left behind in his hand. "Thanks for buying these, Jim."

 

Jim smiled and monitored his lover's vital signs. Pleased, he noticed that Blair's heartbeat was slowing down to a more acceptable level. "You did great, Blair. You stayed in control... you're calm."

 

"I'm calm thanks to you."

 

Jim wrapped Blair in a blanket and realized Charlie was staring at them. "I'm going to fix that sandwich, hold on, baby." Jim looked over his shoulder as he descended the stairs. Blair looked miserable and Jim didn't waste any time preparing the sandwich.

 

"Try to eat, baby. Your body needs it." Jim closed his lover's fingers over the sandwich. Blair looked like he was going to protest, but then reconsidered, forcing the food down his throat.

 

After helping Blair sit down on the floor, Jim changed the soaked sheets. Jim pulled Blair back to his feet, placed him in the center of the bed and tucked him in. Jim rocked Blair gently in his arms, constantly whispering soft, reassuring, words, telling Blair that everything was fine. Fifteen minutes later, Blair ran another blood test and Jim watched closely.

 

Blair sighed. "I'm okay again." His blood sugar was up again to an acceptable level.

 

"That must have been scary," Jim said empathically, sensing that Blair needed to talk about his fears. "But you did well, baby." He really felt proud that Blair hadn't panicked and had reached for the hard candy. His partner was finally responding to the needs of his body. "Think we can go back to sleep now?"

 

"I think so," Blair mumbled and allowed Jim to pull him down again. Turning onto his left side, he sighed blissfully as Jim spooned up behind him. "What's that noise?" Blair still felt a little disorientated, but then recognized Charlie's soft whining.

 

The dog had been eerie quiet while Blair had been struggling to raise his blood sugar, but now Charlie slowly left the pillow he'd been sleeping on and approached the bed. Resting his head on the side of the bed, he looked at them expectedly. Whimpering softly, Charlie waited for one of the humans to do something.

 

"Poor thing," Blair whispered, wondering if the dog knew what had happened. "Jim, can we...?"

 

"It's okay," Jim gave in willingly. "Pat the bed and tell him to climb onto it." Jim hoped that the dog's presence would calm Blair further. His lover was trembling, due to the cold. Blair's skin was clammy and frozen.

 

"Hop on, man." Blair tried to sound cheerfully. Being weak and dizzy again had scared him and it served as a warning to never underestimate his condition again. Blair opened his arms as Charlie jumped onto the bed and then the dog snuggled up to him. "Yes, that's it, good boy!"

 

"Blair? Next time you don't feel well, wake me right away?" Jim knew that asking for help was hard on Blair, but they couldn't take any risks. Hypoglycemia could kill if untreated.

 

"I'll try to remember that," Blair promised in a weak tone. "I didn't do it on purpose. It's just... I feel lost, confused, when it happens." He felt guilty for scaring Jim again.

 

Jim pulled up the comforter and covered their bodies with it. Blair's content sigh echoed through the bedroom.

 

"Try to get more sleep, baby." Jim showered his lover's neck with passionate kisses. "Are you warm enough or do you want me to add another blanket?"

 

"I'm fine, Jim. You'll keep me warm." Blair closed his eyes, yawned and allowed for exhaustion to take over. "Night, lover."

 

"Night, baby." Jim listened to Blair's deep and steady breathing, which told him that his lover had dozed off again. Protectively, he tightened his embrace and pulled Blair close to his chest. His breath gently moved through the silken locks and Jim closed his eyes, trying to smother the tears that threatened to run down his face. //Will the rest of our lives be like this? Waking up in the middle of the night and finding Blair sweaty and confused because he has got low blood sugar?//

 

Jim stayed awake for the rest of the night and closely monitored his lover's vital signs. Suddenly, he grew aware of the fact that he was now picking up an extra heartbeat situated close to Blair... //Charlie... Didn't I say I didn't want the dog in our bed? And there's another heartbeat downstairs... dad.// Jim smiled and deeply inhaled his lover's scent. Having Charlie close made Blair happy and who was he to take that away from Blair? Jim grinned. Blair had a way of wrapping him around his little finger!

 

Chuckling softly, Jim waited for the sunrise, enjoying holding his lover this tightly. Blair was safe in his arms and not a single nightmare dared to sneak up on the younger man as long as the Sentinel stood guard.

 

///

 

Reluctantly, William opened his eyes. A monster of a headache was pounding away at his temples and he failed to suppress a frustrated moan. Why was he feeling this bad? //Ah, the wine.// Slowly, he recalled he'd had too much to drink last night. Why had he indulged himself like that? He had to catch a flight this afternoon or would be late for his business meeting!

 

Looking about, he frowned. "Where...?" This certainly wasn't his bedroom. A tribal mask stood next to the bed and his eyes scanned the titles of the books on the shelves... //Books on anthropology? Oh, I remember now! I'm in Blair's room!//

 

William slowly sat upright and rubbed his brow. Hopefully Jim had some aspirin to spare because he needed something to fight this terrible headache. He pushed back the blankets and gingerly got to his feet. The room was spinning and he waited for the sensation to pass. William smiled amused, realizing that he'd gone to sleep fully clothed.

 

"Dad?" Jim stood on the other side of the French doors, wondering how his father was doing. Jim had taken a shower, drunk some black coffee and was starting to feel human again now that his headache was fading. "Want some breakfast?"

 

"Jimmy... what time is it?" William rubbed his brow with his fingertips and slowly made his way over to the French doors.

 

"Almost nine," Jim informed his dad and smiled. "Blair's walking Charlie." The dog had stayed close to Blair, whining and staring at the leash that William had left behind on the couch. Blair had finally gotten the hint and had taken Charlie for a walk. "You might be right about Blair and Charlie being good for each other," Jim admitted after William opened the French doors. "You look like hell, dad," Jim commented and smiled. He'd never seen his father this dishevelled before. //Come to think of it, have I ever seen him rumpled?// No, he hadn't.

 

"Are you keeping the dog?" William walked over to the couch and heavily dropped onto it. "Would you happen to have some aspirin?" Looking up, William found that Jim was already handing him two tablets and a glass of water. "Thanks, son."

 

Jim felt oddly pleased at hearing that last word. When Stephen and he had been growing up William had encouraged competition between them and Jim had always blamed his dad for losing touch with Stephen, but now he was reconsidering his earlier conclusions. //Dad did what he thought was right.// William had hinted that being a single parent had been hard on him and yes, Jim knew that his dad had tried his best, but William had made huge mistakes while raising them.

 

"Do you want to take a shower before heading home?" Blair had taken a shower first thing in the morning and Jim hoped there was enough water left for his dad to take a decent shower. Jim smiled, recalling how Blair had stumbled into the bathroom after waking up in his arms. His lover had had a rough night and Jim didn't begrudge him a long shower.

 

"No thanks, Jimmy. I'll head home in a moment." William's stomach convulsed at the thought of food. "Coffee would be nice though."

 

"I just made some." Jim poured his dad some fresh coffee. "Milk and sugar?"

 

"Black, please." William leaned back and thankfully accepted the hot mug. Glancing at his son, William caught the sparkle in Jim's usually angry eyes. "Blair makes you happy, doesn't he?"

 

"Yeah," Jim sighed and sat down opposite his dad. "I don't know how to say this, but thanks..."

 

"What for?" William raised a puzzled eyebrow.

 

"For accepting Blair. I know that can't be easy on you."

 

William shrugged his shoulders. "When I first figured it out, I wasn't happy about the fact that the two of you were lovers. I didn't know for sure until you told me, but I suspected it and I had some time to grow used to the idea of you two being together. It was a slow process, but your happiness is important to me."

 

Jim swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "Blair likes you a lot," he admitted. "He never knew his dad so..."

 

"Don't tell me he thinks of me as a father figure," William teased and smiled in order to take the possible sting out of his words. "Can't imagine why his father wouldn't want to know him. That guy is missing out on a great son."

 

Jim nodded his head once. "My thoughts exactly."

 

"Jimmy, coffee was great," William started and placed the now empty mug on the coffee table, "but I've got to leave now or I'll be late for my flight."

 

"Blair will be disappointed that he didn't get the chance to say goodbye," Jim pointed out to his dad, but got William's trench coat.

 

"Tell him that we'll talk some more over Christmas when the two of you'll visit me." William slipped into his cloak and walked towards the door. Studying his son's eyes, he found that they had softened since they'd met in the hospital. "Blair and you will be spending Christmas at my place?" he asked, hopefully.

 

Surprised, Jim found that he was looking forward to spending the holidays with his father! That was definitely a first! Something had changed between father and son. "We'll be there," he promised, knowing that Blair would be thrilled to spend more time with his dad.

 

"Great! I'll tell Sally to get your old room ready..."

 

Jim cringed... his old room... filled with painful memories, but he couldn't back out now. "I'll let you know when to expect us."

 

"That's fine with me," William said pleased, as Jim opened the front door. "I'm sure Charlie will have a great time here."

 

"You're not picking him up after the weekend..." Jim realized.

 

"Only if you really want me to."

 

"Okay..." Jim was fairly sure Blair wouldn't want Charlie to leave after growing attached to the canine. "Thanks for dropping by," he whispered awkwardly and extended his right hand, which William grasped and firmly shook.

 

"Thanks for having me," William said from the bottom of his heart. "It was good to spend some time with you, son."

 

William disappeared into the elevator and Jim closed the front door, determined to get breakfast ready before Blair returned.

 

///

 

After breakfast, Jim and Blair settled down on the couch, softly talking about last night and how frightened Blair had been waking up like that. Jim praised his lover for remaining calm and Blair grinned unexpectedly. Jim followed Blair's glance and realized that Charlie was looking expectedly at them, almost begging them to allow him onto the couch as well. "Did you feed him already?"

 

"I fed him earlier." Blair lifted Jim's arm and snuggled up to his lover. "I'm sorry I missed out on saying goodbye to your dad." Gently, Blair pulled Charlie onto the couch and the dog curled up on his lap, closing his eyes blissfully.

 

"There's something you should know," Jim started and buried his face in Blair's locks, desperate to deeply inhale his lover's fragrance. "Dad invited us over for Christmas." Blair's heartbeat quickened and Jim managed to catch his lover's eyes.

 

"Us?" Blair broke eye contact with Jim and looked away. "That's a big step, man. Are you sure it wasn't the alcohol talking?"

 

Jim saw the insecurity in Blair's eyes and wondered how long it would take Blair to accept that William really liked him. //Maybe it's because Blair never knew his dad that he's now hesitant to build a relationship with mine.// Not knowing who his father was, must have caused Blair pain... "Blair, he invited us before we had dinner, when we briefly left to gather Charlie's things."

 

Absentmindedly, Blair stroked Charlie's head. The motion calmed him down and he whispered, "I'm not sure..."

 

"That's what I said, baby, but now I find myself inclined to accept his invitation."

 

"Why?" Hesitantly, Blair locked eyes with Jim. He knew there had been fall outs between father and son in the past.

 

"He's a changed man," Jim started, but the telephone cut him short. Annoyed, Jim picked up the cell phone from the coffee table and growled, "Ellison!"

 

"It's Simon..."

 

//Your timing sucks, Simon.// Jim caught Blair's puzzled expression and mouthed the captain's name so his lover knew who was calling.

 

Blair remained quiet, trying to catch bits and pieces of the conversation between Simon and Jim.

 

"Jim, I hate to ask you this, but... there's been a brutal murder and we suspect that the killer won't stop. I need you to go over the crime scene with your senses." Simon knew he had to convince Jim to come in and added, "The victim was a sixteen year old boy. Before strangling the boy, our killer raped him. I want this monster behind bars!" Simon understood Jim's reluctance to leave Blair alone while the anthropologist was recovering, but this case was too important!

 

"Simon..."

 

Simon cringed, hearing Jim's tone. He could tell that Jim wanted in on this, but the urge to watch over Blair might be stronger.

 

"Jim..." Blair placed his right hand on Jim's arm, stopping him from giving Simon his answer just yet. "Simon needs you. You've got to stop that killer."

 

Simon heard Blair's words and sighed relieved. If Sandburg was backing him up, Jim would eventually give in. //Listen to the kid!// he thought. "Jim, we've got to find this bastard before he kills another child." Simon had seen the boy's dead body and had turned away, unable to look at the corpse any longer. Catching the killer had become personal.

 

"I'll be there in twenty," Jim said, unable to deny Blair anything.

 

"Thanks, Jim. I'll update you once you get in." Pleased that his mission had been successful, Simon terminated the connection and returned to finding elusive clues in the forensics report in front of him.

 

Jim put the phone down and looked deeply into Blair's eyes. "Stay at the loft and call me should you don't feel well."

 

Annoyed, Blair's eyes narrowed. He'd hoped that Jim would let him tag along. He really wanted to be there when Jim went over the crime scene with his scenes. "No way, man! What if you zone?"

 

"Blair, your lungs are still slightly congested and you haven't taken your antibiotics yet. I want you to rest, not run yourself rugged. Please stay here, enjoy Charlie's company and stay out of trouble? Jim hoped it didn't sound like an order because then Blair would fight him. "Please, baby? Have some trust in me and my senses? You taught me how to control them and you did a great job. I can do this."

 

Blair sighed, knowing that Jim was right, but he still felt left out. "As long as you don't plan on dumping me as your partner I guess I'm fine. I'll try to get some sleep."

 

"Blair, once you feel better you'll be at my side again, guiding me, but you need rest." Jim decided to fight dirty. "The doctor said, 'no stress', remember that?"

 

"I hate it when you twist the facts to prove you're right." That was usually his forte. "Call me in case you need me! Promise me!"

 

"I will," Jim said reassuringly and brushed Blair's brow with his lips. "Simon will probably be with me the entire time and he watched you plenty of times to know how to pull me from a zone out... not that it's going to happen!" Jim added, seeing Blair's concern.

 

Blair followed Jim as the Sentinel got to his feet and then collected his coat. ''Please be careful."

 

Jim smiled reassuringly. "You know I'll be careful because I've got you to come home to."

 

"Just find that killer," Blair whispered, swallowing a big lump that had formed in his throat at hearing Jim's words.

 

"I'll track him down," Jim promised. He opened the door, stepped into the corridor and headed for the elevator.

 

Blair wished he could follow his Sentinel, be his partner and watch his back, but Jim was right. Although he hated to admit it, he did need rest and going over the crime scene with his partner would stress him. After closing the door, Blair sought out Charlie, who had jumped off the couch and had followed them to the door. "Let's play, Charlie," Blair said and gathered the dog's toys. Maybe playing with Charlie would take his mind off of Jim.

 

///

 

"Huh?" Two hours later, Blair startled awake. Something had disturbed his sleep, but he couldn't label the uncanny feeling that slid through him. Charlie was curled up at his side on Jim's bed, and the dog's eyes opened slowly, looking equally startled.

 

Listening closely, Blair realized that someone was knocking on the front door. "Stay here, Charlie," he commanded. Blair got to his feet and chided Charlie when the dog tried to follow him. "Stay, Charlie!"

 

The dog grew motionless and rested his head on his front paws, no longer trying to leave Jim's bed.

 

"Good boy!" Blair praised the dog, petted Charlie's head one more time and then headed downstairs to answer the front door.

 

///

 

Jim took a deep breath and centered himself as he focused on the memory of his lover's scent. Now that Blair wasn't here he used sensory memory to anchor himself, stopping himself from drifting into a zone out. The crime scene was filled with smells that made Jim nauseous. Blood, semen and the stench of death invaded his nostrils.

 

"Jim, are you still with me?" Simon asked concerned. "Don't zone out on me. I'm not Sandburg... I don't know how to pull you back." Simon wished Blair were here right now, realizing how much Jim needed his guide.

 

Jim smiled. "Don't worry about me, Simon. I got my senses pretty much under control. Blair's a great teacher." Yes, as long as he stayed focused on Blair's smell he was able to control his senses and he clung to the memory of his lover's scent, which was deeply embedded in his mind.

 

"The kid really taught you how to handle those senses," Simon said, feeling proud of Blair. "I still remember that day when you walked into my office, telling me that you needed some time off to figure out what was going on with you. You were a mess back then." Yes, Blair had had a great influence on Ellison, changing the man for the better. "I like the way you changed since you stepped into the Sandburg zone."

 

"Sandburg zone..." Jim grinned. "I'll never get used to living there." His lover's last name pulled him away from the dreadful stench that clawed away at him.

 

"Did you find something, Jim? Anything?" Simon tried to hide the exasperation that he felt at not making any progress. Jim senses would give them an edge and he needed that advantage. "Try harder, Jim." The Sentinel had to lead them to the killer!

 

Jim sniffed the air again, locking out the scents that belonged here. Next, he filed away the stench of blood, semen and fear and tried to identify the fragrances that were left behind. "Cigarettes..."

 

"Jim? What did you say?" Simon took a step closer to Jim, placing a hand on the Sentinel's arm to anchor Jim. He'd seen Blair do it on several occasions, but wasn't sure his touch would ground the Sentinel as well. It seemed to work though as Jim's eyes scanned the mud and grass. The body had been lying there for some hours and rain had turned firm soil into mud, washing away the clues they so desperately needed.

 

"I smell cigarettes, Simon, and... peppermint? The two are intertwined." Confused, Jim looked at Simon. "Do they make cigarettes that have peppermint as an ingredient?"

 

"Could be," Simon said, wavering himself. "I'll find out."

 

Jim sat on his heels and let his hands roam the mud. Next to a tree Jim found some ashes, which were only visible to a Sentinel and he quickly bagged the evidence. "Have Forensics analyse this. It might lead us to our man."

 

Simon signaled a police officer to take the bag to Forensics ASAP and then sat on his heels beside Jim. "Anything else?"

 

"Not really, some faint cologne, but it's not one I'm familiar with... sort of spicy."

 

"Jim, we need to bring this killer in. I've got this feeling that he's already looking for a second victim... now that he tasted blood, he won't stop."

 

Jim nodded once. "I agree. He won't stop." Jim rose to his feet and beckoned Simon to follow him. "There's nothing else I can do here, Simon."

 

Simon sighed. "Then go home and check on Sandburg. I can see you're edgy."

 

"Sorry about that," Jim apologized. "It's just that he woke up with low blood sugar in the middle of the night and almost panicked. Getting this under control is hard on him."

 

"I'm sure he'll find a way to deal with it," Simon said confidently.

 

"Keep me informed, Simon. I want to nail this son of a bitch as much as you do." Jim walked towards his truck and climbed into it. Although he wished he could help Simon catch this bastard, he realized that Blair needed him most. Simon would arrest the killer. Jim didn't doubt that for one second.

 

///

 

Blair rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes as he descended the stairs. The knocking turned into pounding and grew loud and impatient. It was beginning to irritate him. "Hold your horses, I'm on my way!" The pounding continued and a headache was building behind his temples. Annoyed, he flung the door open.

 

Blair stared hard at the stranger in front of him. He'd never before seen the man and yet the stranger looked familiar. Blinking his eyes, he took in the man's appearance. The stranger appeared to be in his fifties, judging by the grey strands that were woven into the black hair, which the man wore in a ponytail.

 

The stranger's icy grey eyes seemed strangely transparent behind the glasses and Blair shivered. The tailor made suit was obviously very expensive and fit the older man perfectly. "Yes?" Blair said, wondering who the stranger was and what had brought him here. Suddenly he felt apprehensive and uncomfortable and he thought he heard the angry growl of a wolf in the back of his head. "Can I help you?"

 

"Are you Blair Sandburg?"

 

"Yes, I'm Blair," he replied, and a terrible sense of foreboding swept through him.

 

"I'm Stuart Allen. Did Naomi ever mention me?"

 

"Naomi? You know Naomi?" Blair's brow grew knitted. The bad vibes that surrounded the man made the hair at the back of his neck stand rigid. Every muscle in his body had tensed since he'd opened the door.

 

"Yes, I know Naomi... aren't you going to invite me in?"

 

Blair wasn't sure if he should do that. Alarm bells were ringing loudly and another angry growl washed over him. Why was his spirit guide revealing itself to him now? He hadn't seen or heard the wolf since he'd drowned. "Huh..."

 

"Blair, I need to tell you something and I rather not do it while standing in the corridor."

 

Blair still wavered, but in the end he stepped aside to let the man enter. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch. Do you want some tea?" He remained at a distance when the stranger walked into the living room and sat down. Blair leaned against the wall, staying close to the door in case he needed to get out quickly. This man was giving him the creeps!

 

"No, thank you. I don't plan on staying long," the stranger replied and eyed Blair, trying to gauge the younger man's state of mind. "I take it Naomi didn't tell you that she and I were lovers once?"

 

"No," Blair admitted, wishing Jim was here. He didn't like this one bit. "But she doesn't usually tell me about the men she's been in bed with."

 

"I assumed she'd told you about me, Blair..."

 

His heart thumped madly. Why? Why would Naomi tell him about this Stuart Allen? Blair shuffled his feet, desperately wanting to dash out of the loft and go in search of Jim. "Why?" he whispered eventually, suddenly realizing that he didn't want to hear the answer.

 

"Because I'm your father, Blair."

 

///

 

"My father?" Blair swayed on his feet, unable to deal with the unexpected revelation. "My father?" Blair shook his head in denial. "You're not my father!" he stated vehemently. Blair was certain that he didn't want to be related to this man.

 

Stuart got to his feet and walked towards Blair, never taking his eyes off of him, cornering his son. From the hidden confines of his breast pocket he produced an official looking document. "After you were born I was subjected to a paternity test to prove we're father and son. Here are the results. Read them!"

 

Shocked, Blair refused to accept the document. //Why do I hate him? We just met! Why does he give me the creeps?// The wolf howled again and to Blair it was a warning, which he should take seriously. Apparently the wolf disliked Stuart as well.

 

Stuart grabbed Blair's hand and forced his son's fingers around the paper as he unfolded it. "Look!" he commanded, not backing away from Blair, determined to convince his son that they were related so the young man would leave the loft with him. He'd brooded many years and had found the perfect way to get even; he would kill his own son! Last night he'd tasted blood again and the hunger had awoken deep inside him. The voices demanded another sacrifice!

 

Entranced, Blair stared at the words on the paper and sighed frustrated. Stuart Allen was telling the truth. The test showed clearly that they were father and son. Backed into the corner, Blair searched Stuart's eyes, hoping to find more answers there, but the grey eyes were bottomless pits filled with unyielding ice and they made him shiver.

 

"Why? Why wait so long to tell me?" Blair had read his name on the document so Stuart had known Naomi had named him Blair Sandburg. Come to think of it... "Why don't I have your last name, but Naomi's?"

 

"That's a long story, son," Stuart said, obviously pleased that Blair no longer doubted his identity. He uncovered a metal case that held his cigarettes, opened it and was about to light one when Blair stopped him. The voices inside his head told him to take his time and lure Blair into a complete sense of safety.

 

"My roommate has this thing against smoking at his apartment, so you shouldn't do that." Blair's feelings were going berserk. He'd always wanted to meet his biological father and had thought that he would instantly like the guy, and feel connected with his father. But now that the man was here, ants were crawling beneath his skin, driving him further away from Stuart. //Maybe Naomi had an excellent reason to keep him away from me.// That thought had never before crossed his mind. //Was she protecting me?//

 

Stuart put away his cigarettes and returned to the couch. "I thought you owned this place."

 

"Didn't Naomi tell you that Jim and I are roommates?" Blair's suspicions grew. //He never talked to Naomi, so how did he find me?//

 

"Jim? Who's Jim?" Stuart realized that things weren't going according to plan. Blair maintained some distance between them and didn't seem to trust him. The voices were getting impatient, angry.

 

"Jim Ellison..." Blair carefully considered his next words. "He's a detective with Major Crimes."

 

"A cop...?" Stuart cursed privately. He hadn't known that! Why hadn't the voices warned him?

 

"Why are you here? What do you want from me?" Blair stayed close to the doorway and shivered as he made out the outline of a wolf behind Stuart, closing in on his father. //Does my spirit guide want him out of here?//

 

"You're my son, Blair. I want to get to know you. We wasted so much time..." The voices told him what to say and how to act. Stuart rose from the couch and walked over to Blair, who immediately stepped aside. "I want you to come with me. We'll travel, see the world and get to know each other. You don't belong here, and certainly not with a cop. Blair, you've got no idea what the two of us could achieve!" The voices knew what Blair wanted and used the knowledge to tempt the younger man. Stuart wasn't giving up yet!

 

Stuart's speech almost froze the blood in Blair's veins. An insane gleam had appeared in Stuart's eyes, telling Blair to be extremely careful. "I can't leave here, man. I'm a TA at Rainier and I help Jim out at the station..."

 

"Blair, you're my son and I'm telling you to start packing your things. Naomi raised you all wrong!" Frustrated, Stuart lunged for his son, but Blair quickly stepped away. A furious howl, coming from behind the couch, alarmed Stuart and he turned around to face his attacker. "What kind of animal is that?" The voices had grown strangely quiet and appeared silenced for now.

 

Blair sighed relieved and couldn't take his eyes off the wolf that now slowly stalked closer to Stuart. The canine had bared its teeth and growled dangerously. The wolf prepared himself to jump Stuart if the man refused to leave. Slowly, he cornered Stuart and the man's only way out was the door.

 

Stuart considered fighting the wolf, but knew he would be easily defeated. "I'll be back, Blair! I'm your father and won't be denied!" Stuart opened the door and slid into the corridor while the wolf continued to stalk him. The voices inside his head told Stuart to hurry and he obeyed, like he always did.

 

Blair's back remained against the wall as he slowly slid onto the floor. Dazed, he sat there, trying to deal with what had happened. A soft whine reminded him of Charlie's presence and he signaled the dog to come closer. Cautiously, Charlie walked up to him and Blair hugged the dog, who allowed the close contact.

 

"I should call Jim," Blair realized, shaking all over his body. "I can't believe my father is such a dick. Oh, Charlie, what do I do now?" The dog licked his face and Blair tried to fight back the tears that swam in his eyes. Suddenly, a second tongue slid over his cheek, and as Blair looked up, he stared right into yellow eyes... his spirit guide had returned.

 

"Thanks," Blair whispered, feeling shy. Gingerly, he raised one hand and rested it on the wolf's head. "I didn't know you felt this... real, solid," he offered as an explanation. He'd only seen the wolf once before and that had been when Jim had brought him back from the dead. "Actually, I was in your body when I jumped..." Blair had been one with his spirit guide when Jim had pulled him back.

 

Pleased, Blair realized that Charlie didn't seem intimated by the wolf's presence and simply accepted it, which was good, for Blair doubted he had the strength to calm Charlie down. His hands were shaking and he felt a little dizzy so he stayed where he was; on the floor. His breathing had quickened and now he managed to bring it back under control. "What the hell happened?" he asked the wolf. "I saw the document and I know he's my father, but... he scared me."

 

In answer, the wolf licked Blair's face again. "You're here to protect me, huh?" Blair whispered, feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry you had to come to my rescue... but... I don't like this Stuart one bit." An approving growl left the wolf's throat, as he lay down next to Blair, guarding the young man in case Stuart Allen dared to return. 

 

Focusing on his spirit guide's presence allowed Blair to push the unpleasant experience with his father into the back of his head. "I should call Naomi, but I don't know where she is." Naomi would know why Stuart Allen had never been part of their lives and Blair's instincts were telling him that Naomi probably had very good reasons to exclude Stuart.

 

"I wish Jim were here," Blair whispered. With his right hand he stroked Charlie's head and his left was busy rubbing the wolf's tummy. Blair smiled, realizing that his spirit guide had rolled onto his back to expose more of his tummy. "You like that, don't you?" Blair focused on the animals, hoping that Jim was already on his way home.

 

///

 

Jim froze in his movements upon entering Prospect 852. Sniffing the air, several disturbing fragrances attacked his nostrils and he forced his body back in to action. After riding the elevator up to his apartment, he quickly exited it. He drew his gun and only then opened the door to the loft.

 

The sight that greeted him made his eyes grow big. "Blair!" he exclaimed, worried, and then stepped inside. Blair was sitting on the floor, flanked by Charlie and... a wolf, a very special wolf, which he'd only seen in his visions; it was Blair's spirit guide. "What..." Unable to finish his sentence, Jim watched the wolf roll onto his back, giving Blair complete access to his tummy for a nice rub. //Only Blair can turn a wolf into a pussy cat!//

 

"Hello, Jim," Blair said cheerfully and locked eyes with his lover. "Guess who showed up?" He hoped that he could fool Jim and wouldn't have to address the unexpected appearance of his father. The spirit guide's presence might distract Jim enough not to wonder why Blair's heartbeat was racing.

 

And yes, his lover's heartbeat was racing! Jim raised a questioning eyebrow, but contributed the accelerated heartbeat to the wolf's presence. After walking over to his lover, Jim sat on his heels, studying the wolf and his lover. Charlie hesitantly greeted him and allowed Jim to pet his head.

 

"I only saw him in my visions," Jim explained and fingered the wolf's fur. He'd never seen a wolf from this close before and felt a new respect for the animal, which was as big the panther. Suddenly, Jim searched his surroundings, wondering if the big cat was here as well, but found no trace of the feline. "Any idea why he's here?"

 

//Yeah,// Blair thought, //because he knew my father was bad news and the wolf saved my ass!// But he couldn't tell Jim the truth, not yet. "I heard a growl and there he was."

 

"I wonder why... a spirit guide usually has an excellent reason to show up," Jim mumbled, thinking aloud. "Are you sure nothing is wrong? Or did you have low blood sugar again?" Maybe the spirit guide was watching over Blair during the Sentinel's absence?

 

As Blair gazed into Jim's eyes, he knew he couldn't keep the secret. Jim would be hurt if Blair lied to him about something as important as his father threatening him. "I had another visitor as well."

 

Jim ignored Charlie and the wolf, and pulled Blair to his feet. "What visitor?" Suddenly, he grew aware of the intrusive smell that lingered inside the loft, but he had trouble identifying it.

 

Blair regretted losing physical contact with the wolf, but followed Jim to the couch, where they both sat down. The next time he looked at the spirit guide it was gone. "Pity," Blair mumbled. It was the first time the spirit guide had come to him and he would have liked to spend more time with it.

 

"What visitor, Blair?" He could tell by the alien fragrances that someone had been here, probably a man.

 

"My father," Blair admitted and swallowed hard, sensing Jim tense up beside him.

 

"I thought you didn't know who your father was?" Jim didn't like this development; something warned him that Blair was in danger.

 

"His name's Stuart Allen and he showed me the results of a paternity test. He's my biological father."

 

//Then why are you... depressed? Maybe even scared?// Jim hugged his lover close. "What's wrong?"

 

"I instantly disliked him and then the wolf began to howl in my head. When Stuart demanded I leave the loft with him, I put my foot down and told him no. He didn't like that and had me cornered, but thankfully the wolf appeared and drove him away."

 

"This man threatened you?" Feeling angry, Jim stared deeply into Blair's eyes. Someone had threatened his lover! "This Stuart Allen is your father?" Somehow this didn't make sense. Why would a father threaten his son? "Listen, Blair. I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to find out." Not giving Blair a chance to protest, Jim uncovered his cell phone and dialed Simon's number.

 

"Jim, don't..." Blair knew what Jim was up to. "We should call Naomi first."

 

While Jim waited for Simon to pick up the phone he searched Blair's eyes and found fear in them, which only strengthened his decision. Blair was scared of Stuart Allen. "Do you know where she is?"

 

"No," Blair admitted in a tiny tone. "I have to make some calls to find out."

 

"That settles it." Jim's jaw was set, telling Blair not to challenge him on this. Simon answered the phone and Jim told his captain what had happened. Simon stayed surprisingly calm, something Jim appreciated. "I want you to run a thorough background check on Stuart Allen."

 

"And Blair's okay with that?" Although Simon agreed with Jim, he didn't want to overrule Blair in case the younger man was against checking on his father's past.

 

"I'm okay with it," Blair said reluctantly after Jim relayed Simon's question to him.

 

Simon nodded his head once. "Give me time to gather information on this guy."

 

"Thanks, Simon, I owe you." Jim terminated the connection and took Blair into his arms again. The fact that Blair had agreed to check if his father had a criminal records told Jim just how worried his lover really was. //Damn! His spirit guide had to protect him because I wasn't here! But... it does feel good, knowing that the wolf is watching over him when I'm not around.//

 

Blair was still trembling in his arms and Jim's tightened the hold possessively. Inhaling Blair's scent, he was suddenly confronted by a fragrance that alarmed him. //Peppermint, cigarettes and peppermint...// He'd smelled it at the crime scene as well. "Blair, did your father light a cigarette in here?"

 

"He wanted to, but I told him my roommate wouldn't like it." Blair raised his head and locked eyes with his lover's. "Why? Can you still smell it?"

 

Jim grew uneasy, realizing that what he was picking up here was identical with the fragrances which he'd picked up on the crime scene. //Has to be a coincidence.// Simon had checked on the cigarettes that had peppermint as an ingredient and although they couldn't be bought in every shop in town, they weren't rare either. //But what about the cologne I smelled at the crime scene?// For Blair's sake he prayed he wouldn't find it in here.

 

Focusing his sense of smell like Blair had taught him, he filtered out all other fragrances, hunting for the spicy cologne. //It isn't here,// he realized, relieved. //It's just coincidence that they smoke the same cigarettes.// But his instincts told him to remain alert. "What did he say exactly?"

 

"That I was his son and that I should stay with him and not you. I don't think he liked the idea of you being a cop." Blair straddled Jim's lap, trying to get even closer to his lover.

 

"You must be disappointed," Jim said, hoping that Blair was willing to discuss his feelings. Keeping everything inside would only worsen the emotional pain.

 

"Yes... and I feel cheated," Blair admitted reluctantly.

 

Jim cupped Blair's chin in the palm of his hand and raised his lover's head. "Blair, baby, I'm sorry. I know you always hoped..."

 

"That my dad would find me," Blair finished for him. "But I tensed, seeing him and... I still have goose flesh. I didn't like the man and feel bad about it. He's my dad, I should like him."

 

"You're a great judge of character, baby. Maybe something's wrong and you need to trust your instincts."

 

"I just wished I liked him." Blair leaned in closer and rested his head on Jim's shoulder, sliding his arms behind his lover's back and hugging him. "But I've got you..." Holding on to Jim, Blair found that his tense muscles loosened up, trusting Jim to stand at his side until everything had been solved.

 

"Want to go for a walk in the park?" Jim suggested. "Charlie will love it." He wanted to do away with Blair's brooding and give his lover something positive to focus on.

 

"Sure, why not." But Blair's tone lacked it usual luster.

 

"Dress warm, it's snowing again," Jim advised and let go of Blair, who headed for his room to change his clothing. Jim was about to give Simon a call to see if the captain had already found something on Stuart Allen when his cell phone rang. "Ellison," he said, hoping it was Simon with some information that would settle his nerves, and Blair's too.

 

"Jim! It's Naomi! It's so good to hear your voice again!"

 

"Naomi?" Jim couldn't believe his luck and was about to call Blair to the phone when he reconsidered. "Naomi, I need to ask you something very important."

 

"What? You're not even asking me how I feel and where I am?" Naomi teased and laughed warmly.

 

"Naomi, why did you never tell Blair about Stuart Allen?" Jim's senses picked up on the suddenly racing heartbeat and tiny groan that left Naomi's lips. "Naomi?"

 

"I heard you, Jim!" she said, upset. "How do you know about Stuart Allen?" This couldn't be happening! She'd kept the truth from Blair his entire life and now he knew?

 

"Because he showed up on the doorstep, frightening Blair in the process." Jim quickly looked over at Blair's room, finding that his lover was slipping into some jeans and several shirts. "Come on, Naomi, talk to me!"

 

"Keep Stuart away from Blair. He's a psychopath," she said eventually. "Check his criminal records. Oh, I can't do this on the phone. Just be careful. Stuart's insane and will hurt Blair, like he hurt me. Oh, this can't be happening! He should still be in prison! How can he be in Cascade?"

 

Alarmed, Jim's fingers tightened around the phone. "Naomi, are you telling me that Stuart Allen's a criminal?" Jim vowed to stay at Blair's side until they'd dealt with Stuart Allen.

 

Naomi took a deep breath. She'd hoped that she'd never have to speak the words again, but her son was in danger and she had to warn them! "He's a murderer, Jim. A murderer and a rapist."

 

The cell phone almost slipped from Jim's fingers. "What?"

 

"Thirty years ago Stuart got sentenced to life imprisonment. I don't know why he's out now... Jim, don't tell Blair. It would devastate him. Give me a chance to tell him the next time I visit. Oh, this is such a mess!"

 

"Naomi, are you telling me that..." The thought that had entered his mind was too terrible to speak aloud.

 

"Yes, he raped me and killed two of my friends. He attacked us at home. Stuart Allen is a psychopath." Naomi felt drained now that she'd revealed this horrible secret. "Stuart is Blair's biological father. I found myself pregnant after the rape."

 

Speechless, Jim dropped heavy onto the couch. "Naomi, you've got to come to Cascade and tell Blair for he will find out one way or the other." Alarmed, Jim heard Blair make his way back into the living room. "Do you want to talk to your son?"

 

"No, I can't... not now... I promise to come to Cascade within the next week. Please keep him safe, Jim."

 

Jim's admiration for Naomi was growing. After being raped she'd kept the child, had loved the baby and had raised Blair the best she could. "I'll stay close to him," Jim promised.

 

"Thank you, Jim..." She needed to be alone to deal with the memory flash backs which she'd thought gone for years. Ending the conversation she put down the phone and walked over to her bed, where she sat down, crying hard and hugging her waist.

 

"Jim? Who was that?" Blair walked into the living room, trying to act cheerfully. Taking in his lover's expression, his nervousness increased. "Something wrong?"

 

"No," Jim forced out and looked at Blair. Acting on instinct, he reached for the younger man and hugged him, showering his face with kisses.

 

"Hey, man, what's going on?" Blair smiled shyly.

 

"Just wanted to show you how much I love you," Jim whispered into Blair's ear and grinned, realizing that his lover was wearing several layers of clothes. "Could you get our coats?" He needed a moment to compose himself. Naomi's admissions had deeply shocked him!

 

"Sure, man!" Blair got to his feet and collected their coats and his mittens. While leashing Charlie, Blair kept a close eye on Jim. //Something happened!//

 

Jim forced himself to get up from the couch and dialed Simon's number. "Blair, I need to call Simon to see if he already found something on Stuart Allen." He'd noticed that Blair felt distinctly uncomfortable when he referred to Allen as his father so he tried to be considerate.

 

Blair moved closer to his lover and Charlie followed suit. Trying to listen in, Blair heard the echo of Simon's bellow through the phone.

 

"What do you want?" Simon bellowed. He was busy!

 

"Sir, it's me, Jim. Just calling to make sure..."

 

"Jim! I was about to call you!" Feeling excited and apprehensive at the same time, Simon said, "Stuart Allen's criminal record is sickening and I don't know how to say this... please tell me the kid isn't around."

 

Jim saw the expression in Blair's eyes and realized that his lover wouldn't give him some privacy. Understandably, Blair wanted to know what was going on. "Just give me the overall picture, Simon." Hopefully, Simon understood.

 

"Okay. Stuart Allen has been convicted on several charges, murder, rape, torture, battery, are just some of them. His victims ranged from young boys to elderly women. Jim, he also raped..."

 

"I know, sir, we can discuss that detail later."

 

Simon understood the hint and nodded his head. "Jim, he was put away for life under the sexual predators' act, but he escaped two weeks ago. I hate to say it, but... he might be our killer." The MO fit. Stuart Allen had raped and strangled boys before.

 

"What are you going to do now? Put an APB out on him?" Jim realized that Blair had overheard part of their conversation and the slumped shoulders told him that his lover had drawn his own conclusions. Quickly, he wrapped an arm around Blair, making sure the younger man knew that he wasn't in this alone.

 

"Yes, we're already looking for him. Jim, if we find the cigarettes on him, we can put him away." Simon suddenly realized what he was saying. "This must be hard on the kid."

 

"Blair's strong," Jim said as he locked eyes with his lover. "We'll deal with it."

 

"Be careful, Jim. Allen might try to hurt Blair. We don't know why he's suddenly interested in our anthropologist, but it worries me."

 

//Simon hasn't figured out yet that Blair is Stuart's son...// Jim realized. "I'll stay with Blair, sir." Jim ended the conversation and buried Blair in a hug. "What did you hear, baby?"

 

"Only bits and pieces..." What he had heard frightened him. "Can we go for that walk now?" Blair needed to get out, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

 

"Sure, come on, let's go." Jim slipped into his coat, which Blair had handed him. In silence, they left the loft, took the elevator and stepped into the snow.

 

"We need to talk, Jim." It didn't matter how ugly the truth about his father was, he had a right to know!

 

"We will, let's find a place to sit down and talk. What about the park?"

 

Blair nodded his head. "I know it's something bad. I don't like the man and... The wolf chased him away..."

 

Jim pressed a kiss onto the silken locks and pulled Blair's shivering body close, dreading the upcoming conversation.

 

///

 

"Here you go, baby, sweet and hot, just the way you like it." Smirking, Jim handed Blair the hot chocolate and a donut, which he'd bought from one of the vendors inside the park.

 

Blair was sitting on a bench and gladly accepted the hot items, warming his fingers on the hot mug after he'd removed his mittens. "Thanks, man, I really need this." Slowly, he sipped the hot chocolate, relishing the fact that it was now also warming him from the inside.

 

Blair glanced at Charlie, who'd contently curled up beside him on the bench. Now that Jim sat down as well, Charlie soaked up body heat from either side, as he was lying between them. "Smart dog," Blair complimented Charlie. "You sure look comfortable, sweetie!"

 

Amused, Jim watched the exchange between man and dog. While sipping his hot drink, Jim tried to find a way to start this conversation, which he knew would really be hard on Blair. He wasn't sure he could reveal everything that Naomi had told him. Knowing about the rape would change Blair's life forever and his lover was already going through a rough time.

 

"We're keeping Charlie, aren't we?" Jim said, trying to break the awkward silence between them. The shy expression in Blair's eyes answered his question. Yes, Blair wanted to keep the dog, but...

 

"It's okay, Jim. I know you don't want any pets at the loft and although I really like Charlie I'm not going to fight you. It's your place after all." Having the dog around the entire time would drive Jim nuts; Blair knew that with certainty.

 

"Our place," Jim corrected him and placed his mug onto the bench beside him. After gathering Blair's hands in his, he rubbed them soothingly. "I'm more than willing to make an exception. It's obvious that Charlie wants to stay and I must admit I like having him around."

 

"But what about 'no pets at the loft'? Come on, man, I know the hairs will drive you crazy and..."

 

Jim cut Blair short. "We'll keep him, Blair. The loft is your home too. And besides, rules are there to be broken. I'll call my dad after he gets back and tell him not to worry about Charlie. He's in good hands now."

 

"Thanks, Jim," Blair whispered. He pressed his lips gently on Jim's, bestowing a gentle kiss on his lover's lips. "You belong with us now, Charlie," Blair said and gently stroked the dog's head.

 

Jim felt like a coward, realizing that he was postponing the real conversation he should be having with Blair. After gathering his courage he said, "Blair, we need to talk about Stuart Allen."

 

Blair tensed and averted his eyes. He'd been dreading this conversation for the last minutes and didn't know what to say or how to act. In the end he opted for a question. "Why did Simon put out on APB on him?" Simon would only do that if he had valid grounds to assume that Allen was a criminal.

 

Jim took a deep breath before plunging ahead. He didn't know how to tell Blair the harsh truth and hated having to hurt his lover's feelings. "Stuart Allen is a convicted criminal. He was put away under the Sexual Predators' Act." Jim watched Blair closely, knowing that his lover was familiar with it. Blair had been studying police procedures and new legislation since he'd started working as his partner.

 

"He's a sexual predator?" Blair's eyes widened, knowing exactly what the term covered. "My father is a..."

 

"Murderer and a rapist," Jim admitted. Soothingly, he rubbed the back of Blair's hands. He could feel his lover tense up even more. "Blair, baby, please look at me..." He had to prevent Blair from withdrawing in to himself.

 

"My father's a monster!" Blair's voice broke as he hit that last word. "No..." he whimpered.

 

"It's going to be all right, Blair. You've got to believe that. We'll find him and send him back to jail." Jim decided not to mention that they also suspected Allen had murdered the sixteen year old boy.

 

Suddenly, everything made sense and Blair released a keening wail as the truth hit him. "A rapist? Did you say he's a rapist? My God, please don't tell me that... oh, Naomi!" Blair grew silent, briefly unable to end the horrifying thought. "Allen raped Naomi," he whispered in a hoarse tone. Blair's eyes filled with tears. "Oh no, I ruined her life!" Sobbing uncontrollably, Blair flung himself into Jim's arms.

 

Jim felt relieved that Blair was turning towards him for comfort. As long as Blair didn't shut him out they had a chance to come out on top of this. "I talked to Naomi on the phone before we left the loft and she told me what had happened to her. She also begged me to keep Allen away from you, to protect you from him. Naomi's afraid Allen will try to hurt you."

 

"You were talking to Naomi when I joined you in the living room? Why didn't you tell me?" A startling thought washed over him. "She didn't want to talk to me. Of course, that's it. She can't stand the sound of my voice, knowing..."

 

"No, Blair, that wasn't it. She was shocked that Allen had escaped from prison and had tracked you down. She promised to visit within the next week and talk to you. Give her a little credit, baby, she loves you."

 

"How can you say she loves me when Allen raped her and I'm the product of that violation. How can she possibly love me? I fucked up her life by being born!" Guilt clawed at him. "She should have had an abortion, then her life..."

 

"Blair, damn it, stop it! I don't want to hear you say that!" Jim forced Blair to look at him by cupping his lover's chin in his hand and raising Blair's head. "Naomi is a victim, so are you. Neither of you carry any blame. Naomi loves you deeply and deep down in your heart you know that. You're just scared and confused right now."

 

But Blair couldn't believe Jim. His entire world was tumbling down. Everything he'd ever believed in had been destroyed and the only thing he had left to hold on to was Jim. "I can't deal with this, man. I'm sorry, I can't!" he whispered brokenly. "She must hate me!"

 

"No," Jim said in a remarkably soft tone. "She doesn't hate you. She hates Allen, she *loves* you." Jim rocked Blair slowly. "I know this is hard on you, though I can't possibly imagine how hard, but please remember that you're not alone. You've got a lot of friends that will help you through this. We're all here for you."

 

"We?" For the first time since learning the truth, Blair felt hopeful.

 

"Yeah, Naomi, Simon, H, Rafe, Megan, Charlie, even my dad will want to help." Jim smiled warmly. "Let us be there for you, Blair. We love you and you know it, don't shut us out."

 

Blair remained quiet as hot tears dripped from his face. He'd lost the battle of fighting back his tears.

 

"Yes, I love you, baby. I always will..."

 

"Even now that you know who my father is and how I was conceived?"

 

"It doesn't make a difference to me who your father is, Blair. It only makes me want to love you more." Jim hoped that he'd found the right words to convince Blair that he was sincere. Seeing the soft sparkle to Blair's eyes, Jim knew that the younger man would bounce back.

 

"You're not going to dump me?" Blair's eyes grew big. "I can't believe I said that aloud. I'm sorry, Jim, I didn't want to..."

 

"I understand, Blair, believe me. I understand that that you're feeling confused right now. It's only normal and makes you human, Chief." Jim knew that Blair had asked him that question because his lover felt insecure and afraid. "I'll never let you go."

 

Blair nodded his head once Jim's words had registered. How could he have doubted Jim's love? "I love you, Jim, you have no idea just how much I love you!"

 

"I think I know... about as much as I love you." Blair's skin felt icy cold and Jim decided it was time to get moving. "Let's go home, Chief, you feel cold."

 

Blair agreed; he was shivering due to the growing cold. It invaded his bones and snowflakes had nestled between his locks. "Thanks for putting up with me, Jim. I'm not usually this emotional, but my feelings are so close to the surface, can't explain why," he rambled. "Please be patient with me."

 

"Always, baby, always." Jim wanted to lean in closer for a reassuring kiss when he suddenly realized they were being watched. Trying to act casually, he whispered, "We've got an audience, Chief." Blair was still straddling his lap and Jim brought up his arms behind his lover's back, making sure the younger man wouldn't panic and jump to his feet. Using his senses, he tried to identify their stalker.

 

"That's it," Blair said, instinctively trying to anchor his Sentinel. "Filter out the sounds and images you don't need. Focus..."

 

Jim smiled. Blair would always be his anchor, his rock, the shore he came home to after letting his senses drift. He needed Blair as much as his lungs needed oxygen. Together they were a perfectly functioning entity, a Sentinel. Apart, they couldn't function properly.

 

The first thing Jim smelled was the spicy cologne, which he remembered from the crime scene. It was their killer all right. Next, he picked up on the cigarettes and peppermint. Jim held Blair close and whispered into his lover's ear, "Don't move. We can't let him know that he's been found out." Blair tensed against him, clinging to Jim for support and he gave it eagerly.

 

"What are you going to do now?" Blair tried hard to control his anxiety, but his hold was slipping.

 

"You're going to call Simon and ask for back up. I'm going after Allen. I can't let him get away."

 

"Jim, don't go, please stay!" Blair trembled at the thought of being left behind, but then realizing how selfish and childish he was acting. Jim was a trained cop, a Sentinel and it was Jim's duty to catch Allen. Blair refused to think of the man as his father, trying hard to repress the truth. //Repression worked for Jim, hopefully it will also work for me.//

 

Jim uncovered his cell phone and handed it to Blair. From the corner of his eye he caught Allen, who was trying to put more distance between them. "I've got to move now, Blair, or he'll get away. Call Simon!"

 

Blair's hand shook and Jim hated leaving his lover behind like this, but he didn't have a choice. "You can do this, Blair." Blair nodded and Jim got to his feet, eager to pursuit Allen.

 

Blair watched Jim run after Allen and dialed Simon's number, hoping the captain would respond quickly. Finally, Simon answered the phone. "Simon, Jim needs back up!"

 

"Sandburg? Where are you?"

 

"Cascade Central Park, please hurry, Simon. Jim's pursuing Allen."

 

Simon reacted at once and dispatched units, planning on joining them later at the park. "Stay where you are, Blair. Don't go after them. My men will be there in a few minutes."

 

"Thanks, Simon," Blair said gratefully and terminated the connection. All he could do now was wait. Blair pulled Charlie into his arms and desperately held on to the dog, hoping that Jim would arrest Allen without getting hurt. "Please, Jim, be careful."

 

///

 

"Joel, check on Sandburg," Simon ordered. "The rest of you are with me!"

 

Docilely, Joel nodded his head and walked towards the bench Blair was sitting on. The other police officers headed for the opposite side of the park, where uniforms had spotted Jim Ellison chasing Allen.

 

"Hey, Blair, how are you doing?" Joel didn't know why Allen had chosen Sandburg as his next victim, but Simon had told them that the grad student was in danger and that urged him to be careful. Blair looked pale and cold. The observer's hands trembled beneath the thick fabric of the mittens and Blair was holding a dog in his arms, which Joel had never seen before. "You got yourself a new pet? Must drive Jim crazy!"

 

Blair managed a tiny smile. "Joel, is Jim okay?"

 

"They're still in pursuit, but you know Ellison. He won't stop until he arrested Allen. It's a good thing you stayed here this time. You don't look like you're up to running around the park." Joel's brow grew knitted at hearing Blair's labored breathing and coughing. "You had pneumonia if I remember correctly?"

 

"I thought I had it under control." Maybe going outside in this cold had been a mistake, but he'd been climbing the walls at home.

 

"Want me to take you home?" But Joel already knew the answer.

 

"No, Jim can drive me home after they arrested... Allen." Not his father! Stuart Allen wasn't his father. Yes, maybe his biological father, but he didn't feel any connection with him. Emotionally, he didn't accept Stuart Allen as family. "Could you find out how the chase is going?"

 

"I'd rather not," Joel answered, but uncovered his cell phone. "Let's wait for Simon or Jim to contact us, all right?"

 

Blair knew when he was defeated and nodded his head. "By the way, this is Charlie."

 

"Hello Charlie," Joel said and was surprised as the dog whined softly, trying to pull away from his touch.

 

"He's been abused," Blair explained. "He doesn't trust easy."

 

//But he trusts you,// Joel thought pleased.

 

///

 

Jim had cornered Allen, who had retreated into a small garage at the outskirts of the park. Now, Jim was trying to come up with a way of luring Allen outside so he could arrest the man.

 

"Jim!"

 

Jim signaled Simon and the other cops to approach him. He'd picked up their footfalls minutes earlier. "Sir, is someone with Blair?" Jim studied Simon's dark eyes and saw compassion and eagerness in them. Compassion for Blair and eagerness to apprehend Stuart Allen.

 

"Joel's with Sandburg. The kid's fine. What do we have here?"

 

"Allen's inside that garage. I don't know whether he's armed," Jim explained. "Do you really think he killed that sixteen year old boy?" Learning that fact would throw Blair off balance again.

 

Simon cringed privately, wishing he had better news to share. "A witness has come forward. We showed the boy some pictures and he picked Allen."

 

"Damn!" Jim cursed.

 

"Jim, Allen has to return to prison anyway. He still has to serve life without parole, according to the judge's ruling. This murder will be added to his list of crimes."

 

//It will make things harder on Blair,// Jim thought ruefully, but then he composted himself again. "Let's bust his ass. The sooner he's back in jail, the better." At least then Allen wouldn't be able to harass Blair!

 

"Yes, let's do it!" Simon grabbed his cell phone and asked for assistance of the SWAT team.

 

///

 

Joel grew uncomfortable, seeing Blair's expression. Something in those eyes spoke of an incredible sadness. "Blair, I really would like to take you home. You look frozen."

 

"I'm not leaving without Jim!"

 

Joel's cell phone rang and he answered it at once. "Taggart."

 

"Joel, can I talk to Blair?"

 

"It's Jim," Joel said and handed Blair the phone.

 

"Jim, man, what's going on? Where are you?" Blair was on the verge of panicking. His right hand went into his pocket, checking if he'd packed the Lifesavers, just in case he needed the hard candy and yes, it was there.

 

"Allen retreated into a garage and we're going to move in once the SWAT team arrives. I want you to go home. The cold must be getting to you and will worsen your congestion. Please, Blair, don't argue with me. It's for the best." Jim prayed Blair wouldn't fight him over this. He wanted Blair safely at the loft when they went in for Allen.

 

"But Jim..."

 

"Please..."

 

The magic word seemed to work and Blair nodded mutely as he handed back the cell phone to Joel.

 

"Joel?"

 

"Yes, Jim?" Concerned, Joel watched Blair, who was getting to his feet. He didn't like the depressed look in the grad student's eyes.

 

"Take Blair home and stay with him. Make sure he eats and drinks something if he begins to feel confused or if he starts shaking and sweating. Blair's got hypoglycemia. Normally I wouldn't worry, but he's dealing with a lot of stress and might overlook the warning signs."

 

"I know what to look out for," Joel assured Jim. He had a cousin with the same condition. "Just nail that bastard and join us at the loft!"

 

"As quickly as I can," Jim promised. "The cavalry has arrived... got to go."

 

"I'll take care of him," Joel vowed and put away the cell phone. "Let's get you safely back to the loft. Jim will be there in no time." Blair's silence worried him as he escorted the younger man towards his car. "Hop in."

 

Blair sat down on the passenger's seat and pulled Charlie onto his lap. He would feel a lot better once this was over.

 

///

 

"Handcuff him, read him his rights and take him away!" Simon instructed, pleased that apprehending Allen hadn't cost any cops' lives. Simon saw Jim's firmly set jaw, telling him how angry his detective was. "He'll be back in jail in no time."

 

"Good, I don't want this monster to go after Blair again." Simon had updated him on Allen's various crimes. This man belonged behind bars. Even the psychologist who had examined Allen had agreed that this man was a dangerous sociopath and suspected Stuart Allen had multiple personalities.

 

"Why did he target Sandburg?" Simon thought aloud. As he fell into step beside Jim, Simon tried to put all pieces of the puzzle together. He had certain suspicions, but was unwilling to voice them. //Allen raped Naomi... what if she got pregnant?//

 

Jim exchanged a look with Simon. It wasn't really his place to reveal old secrets.

 

Simon summarized, "Allen raped Naomi when she was 18 and killed two of her friends. She was the only survivor of that incident." Later on, Allen had struck again, killing two young girls and raping their older brother, who'd died at the hospital as his injuries had been too severe. "And now Allen comes after Blair?"

 

Jim then knew that Simon had figured it out. "Blair's having a hard time dealing with this."

 

"I won't tell anyone, but they might figure it out themselves." Simon regretted the fact that Blair had found out his father's identity. "Blair deserves better, you know."

 

"You want the job?" Jim smiled, recalling that Simon did have some paternal feelings for Blair.

 

"Maybe," Simon teased. "Why don't you let me take care of the paperwork and go home? Joel must be desperate by now. The kid is probably driving him insane."

 

"Thanks," Jim said sincerely and headed for his truck. He couldn't wait to fold his arms around his lover's body and feel Blair close.

 

///

 

"Blair, please sit down!" Joel groaned. Ever since they'd returned to the loft Blair had been pacing. "Don't make me tie you down, young man!"

 

Blair looked at Joel, trying to gauge if the older man was serious. Deciding not to challenge Joel on this, he sat down on the couch. "Why doesn't Jim call?"

 

"Drink your orange juice," Joel lectured, recalling that his cousin had seizures when he didn't take care of himself.

 

"Yes, mommy." Blair sulked, but sipped his orange juice. His eyes remained locked on the cell phone on the coffee table. "Come on, Jim, let me know you're fine!" Frustrated, he barely held back from pacing again.

 

Finally, the phone rung and Blair beat Joel to it, quickly answering it. "Jim, what took you so long?"

 

"Sweetie? It's Naomi," she said softly. She'd hoped Jim would pick up the phone, giving her a moment to mentally prepare herself for this conversation.

 

Blair dropped heavily onto the couch, wishing Joel wasn't here. "Naomi?" His heart raced and cold sweat erupted over his entire body. "I..." Words failed him and tears appeared in his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, at a loss.

 

"Jim told you." Naomi realized and swallowed hard. She'd always feared this day would come. "I never wanted you to know the truth, sweetie."

 

"Why?" Blair didn't care that Joel saw he was crying. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to find out this way?" He'd lost control of his emotions and tears dripped from his chin.

 

"I hoped Allen would never leave jail and..." Suddenly, Naomi knew what her son needed to hear. "I love you, Blair. I always did!"

 

"How can you love me?" Blair jumped to his feet, walked into his old room and closed the French door behind him. He didn't want to fall apart in front of Joel. "Allen raped you and I... why did you have me? You were eighteen! I ruined your life!"

 

"Blair, sweetie, you're the best thing that ever happened to me!" Naomi hoped Blair would give her a chance to explain. She heard the pain in his voice and said, "I wish I could hold you right now, but I'm at the airport, sweetie, where's a strike going on and I don't know how long it will last, so sit down and listen to me!"

 

Surprised at hearing her firm tone, Blair obeyed and collapsed onto the futon. //Please, tell me over and over again you love me!//

 

"When I found myself pregnant with you I did consider adoption at first," Naomi admitted, re-opening old wounds. "But eventually I couldn't go through with it. I felt new life inside my body and defied my family by demanding I could keep my baby. When you were born I fell instantly in love with you. You were so cute, sweetie, and you had the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen. Your tiny hands reached for mine and I knew that I had done the right thing. I love you, Blair."

 

"But," Blair protested. "What about your family?"

 

"Had they really loved me, they would have accepted us. They were willing to welcome me back if I gave you up for adoption, but how could I do that? The moment I looked into your eyes I knew how special you were. I saw the wisdom in your eyes, the sadness in your expression and the need to be loved and I had so much love to give. You healed my wounds, sweetie!"

 

"I wish I could believe you, but... I'm *his* son!"

 

"No, you're *my* son! Allen has no right to call you that!" Naomi grew desperate. She needed close contact to comfort her son and now she was stuck in Java! "Blair, I tried to keep the ugly truth from you, maybe that was wrong, I don't know. But I wanted to keep you safe, not to hurt you. Allen ruined my life for a short while, but you righted it. I love you, sweetie!"

 

Blair was sobbing uncontrollably and he didn't care whether Joel could hear him. "Naomi..."

 

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Give it time, Blair. You need to heal spiritually and once you did you'll understand how much I love you." Naomi took a deep breath before making her next admission. "I might not have been the best mother, but I tried." There had been times that looking at Blair had reminded her of Allen and the pain he had caused her. At those times, she'd left Blair with friends. She'd needed time alone to confront her pain and heal again and she knew she'd hurt him in the process. "I'm so sorry, Blair. I love you, but I'm only human..."

 

"I do understand." Blair understood to some degree that she'd tried her best to raise him properly and to love him, but now he also understood why she'd always been this distant. Emotionally, Naomi had locked part of herself away to protect herself. "Will you be here for Christmas?"

 

"I wish I could make that promise to you, Blair, but I can't. I'm having flashbacks. I'm so sorry, sweetie, but I need time to process this. Please understand."

 

Blair nodded his head. Seeing him would only worsen her pain. "Maybe later..."

 

"I'll visit you, I promise!" Naomi said in a desperate tone. "I'll call you more often, okay, sweetie?"

 

"Okay, Naomi..." For once he wished he could call her mom. He quickly wrote down the phone number she gave him.

 

"Call me when you need to talk, sweetie." Naomi's heart ached for her son. "Please, always remember that I love you, Blair."

 

"Love you too, Naomi." Blair heard how his mother terminated the connection and he wished that she'd found a way to visit him in Cascade. He needed her close! The French doors opened slowly, but Blair didn't notice it.

 

Saddened and worried, Jim made his way over to the futon and sat down beside his lover, immediately wrapping his arms around him. "Hello, baby."

 

"I talked to Naomi," Blair stuttered, fighting back the tears that refused to stop flowing. "She says she loves me."

 

Acting on instinct, Jim tightened his hold on Blair and tucked his lover's head beneath his chin. "We arrested Allen. He's on his way back to jail and can't hurt you again."

 

"He already hurt me," Blair whispered, feeling miserably. "What would I do without you?" Blair held on to Jim, listening to his lover's heartbeat beneath his ear and wondered how much harder his own heartbeat sounded to Jim. "Hold me? Hold me forever?"

 

"Baby, everything will be all right, trust me," Jim said soothingly. Slowly, he lay down, pulling Blair with him. "You aren't alone... We'll deal with this together. I love you and our love is strong... have faith in us."

 

Blair's sobbing grew less. His fingers clawed at Jim's shirt and he allowed his lover to be his anchor. Slowly, he calmed down and exhaustion took over.

 

Jim sighed relieved, realizing that Blair was dozing off. "I love you, Chief..." and he would prove his love over and over again.

 

///

 

Two weeks later

 

"Blair, stop fidgeting! There's no reason to be nervous!" Exasperated, Jim tried to reason with his stressed lover. "We're going to stay at my dad's place for Christmas; I'm not dragging you into the Cascade Mountains to hunt down criminals!" Jim nudged Blair towards the elevator, hoping his lover would calm down once they'd arrived at William's home.

 

These last two weeks had been hard on Blair, as his lover had struggled to come to terms with all unpleasant revelations. Thankfully, Allen was locked away again, but Jim hated the fact that Blair had tricked H into letting him read his father's rep sheet. He'd wanted to keep the sheer magnitude of Allen's crimes away from Blair, but had failed. H hadn't spoken to Blair for exactly one day and then his anger had evaporated. Most detectives at Major Crime had figured out Blair's relation to Allen once they'd read the file.

 

The reason why Allen had sought out Blair remained a mystery though and Blair could only guess at the reasons why. Only Allen could give him the answers he needed, but Blair refused to talk to his biological father ever again.

 

"Jim!" Blair had slung his backpack over his shoulder, but had almost forgotten to take along his Christmas presents. "Wait for me!" He'd tried hard to keep his curious lover away from the two packages and believed he'd had succeeded in keeping his presents a secret.

 

He still didn't feel completely comfortable with the prospect of spending Christmas at William's place. Blair loved celebrating Christmas and it had always been one of his favorite holidays. Even the fact that he was Jewish hadn't changed that. Naomi and he had celebrated the holidays they liked best and had never allowed themselves to be stopped by the fact that the holiday belonged to a different religion.

 

Amused, Jim watched Blair balance the two packages in his arms. For days now he'd tried to find out their contents, but Blair had guarded them around the clock. Looking at Blair, he felt extremely proud of his lover. Blair had slowly bounced back and although Jim occasionally detected a sad expression in his lover's eyes, he knew Blair was dealing with his past.

 

Naomi had helped Blair cope as well. She'd called several times during these last weeks and had constantly reassured Blair that she loved him and although Jim knew that Blair wanted Naomi close, the Sentinel felt relieved that Naomi hadn't visited them for he'd feared new emotional outbursts. He wanted Blair to heal and seeing Naomi hurt would only add to his lover's pain.

 

Charlie barked softly, trying to gain their attention. Jim smiled. Not only Blair had begun to heal during these last two weeks, Charlie was gaining some self confidence as well. Jim loved the fact that the dog allowed him to pet his head and no longer flinched away from his touch. They'd taken Charlie to the station once, as they had feared the dog might panic when being left alone at the loft, and the bullpen gang had declared Charlie their new mascot.

 

"Jim, gimme a sec here!" Blair tried to balance his presents while Charlie was tugging at the leash, urging him to walk faster.

 

Jim grinned. "Hurry up, Darwin, my dad expects us to be there before midnight!"

 

"That's so unfair!" Blair wished he could ask Jim to give him a hand, but his lover was already carrying their overnight bags.

 

"Did you pack the glucometer and some Lifesavers?" Jim helped Blair to get inside the elevator and then returned to the loft to lock the front door. Blair was off antibiotics for now and the congestion was as good as gone. It pleased Jim that Blair was trying to listen to his body; he now rested when he needed rest and ate when his body needed sugar.

 

"Relax, man! I packed it!" Blair leaned against the elevator wall, wondering how he was going to survive the holidays. Part of him still couldn't believe that William wanted them at his house to celebrate Christmas, but then again, Jim's father had become a regular visitor to the loft, claiming he wanted to check on Charlie. But Blair and Jim knew better. The older man liked to watch a game with them or join them for dinner. //He's becoming the closest thing to a father I've ever known!//

 

"Oh man, what if he puts us in separate rooms," Jim wondered aloud. Yes, his dad seemed more than okay with Blair and he being lovers, but now that they would stay at his dad's home, Jim assumed William wouldn't want them to do the horizontal tango in his old room.

 

"Oh no, don't let him do that!" Blair groaned. He needed Jim close, especially at night when he still feared waking up with low blood sugar. It had happened once or twice and Jim had helped him through it.

 

Jim grinned. "I'm only teasing, Chief. I'm sure he'll put us in the same room." But was he really that sure? No.

 

Charlie exited the elevator first, dragging Blair along. "Man, shit!" One of his presents began to slip and Blair sighed when Jim managed to catch it.

 

"What's inside this box anyway?" Jim asked, trying to gauge the object's weight. Blair had told him that the larger present was for his father and the smaller one for Jim. Holding the smaller package in his hands, Jim tried to gauge the content.

 

"Give that to me!" Blair exclaimed, burying the present against his chest. "Open the car door before I drop the rest as well!"

 

"Stay calm, baby," Jim quipped amused. It was good to see Blair in such good spirits. After opening the car door, he helped Blair put everything on the backseat. Charlie curled up next to Blair's backpack, looking forward to the drive. Jim and Blair had been surprised to learn that the dog loved being driven around in the car. "Buckle up, buddy."

 

Blair slid onto the passenger's seat and secured the seat belt. "I can't believe we're really going to stay with your dad."

 

"I know how you feel," Jim said as he keyed the ignition. "I never expected him to accept our relationship."

 

"He's very eager to make things up to you," Blair said softly, regretting the fact that his own father was a sociopath.

 

"He likes you, Chief, that's the truth. I guess he feels like he gained a son." Only after speaking the words, Jim realized they might cause Blair pain. Allen would always haunt Blair.

 

"Please don't say that, man. You've got no idea how much hearing those words hurts." Blair curled up on the seat as much as the seat belt allowed him to and rubbed his hands, trying to get warm. "Could you put on the heater?"

 

Jim switched it on and pulled away from Prospect 852. "It's the truth, you know."

 

"What is?" Blair wasn't really interested in carrying on this conversation. He didn't want to talk about fathers and sons as he didn't have a father that loved him.

 

"Bill feels like he gained another son, he told me."

 

"When, Jim?"

 

"Last time he visited. You fell asleep on the couch, remember?" Jim peeked at his lover while monitoring the traffic, which was gruesome. Everybody was trying to get home in time for Christmas dinner.

 

"Yeah, I remember, but Jim, it makes me feel uncomfortable when you say stuff like that. Bill's your dad and we know how hard it was on him to accept you had these senses and it can't have been easy on him accepting that his son had taken a male lover."

 

"That's what I thought at first, but... he told me that he wanted me to be happy and if you made me happy, us being together was fine with him." Jim sensed Blair's unease. Ever since finding out about Allen raping Naomi Blair's self esteem had been crumbling. Maybe William could talk some sense into Blair. "Why don't you try to find a station that plays Christmas songs?" Jim suggested, trying to distract Blair.

 

"Sure, why not..." Listlessly, Blair leaned forward and searched the radio frequencies.

 

///

 

William heard the truck pull up to his driveway and headed for the doorway. Sally was with her family and wouldn't join them. William preferred it that way; he wanted to spend some quality with his son and Blair.

 

After he'd returned from his business meeting, he'd found out about Allen and had tried to support Blair the best he could, but the younger man had shut him out. It had taken William several days to get Blair to talk to him. After that, they'd begun to build a friendship. //But first I had to convince him that I was okay with him being Jimmy's lover.//

 

But he knew that Blair wasn't convinced completely yet and therefore he'd carefully selected his Christmas present for the younger man. He hoped to do away with Blair's doubts for once and for all.

 

"Jimmy! Blair!" William greeted them and after draping a long coat over his shoulders, he stepped into the snow to help them carry their things inside. "Hey, Charlie!" He'd seen the change in the dog and felt glad that he'd managed to change Blair's mind to take Charlie in. Charlie jumped, trying to place his front paws on William's chest and he patted the dog's head. "Let's go inside. It's too damn cold out here!"

 

Jim, Blair and Charlie followed William inside and the men quickly shed their coats and wet shoes. "Let's move into the living room," William advised. "I built a fire there."

 

Blair was the first to settle down in front of the fire with Charlie hot on his trail. Jim and William lingered in the corridor, as they needed to exchange a few words before joining Blair.

 

"How's he doing?" William inquired. During the last few weeks he'd developed a weak spot for Blair, although he sometimes had to compete for the young's man attention when Simon Banks was close. The Major Crime's captain seemed very protective of Blair and while William understood that urge, he didn't appreciate it. He had more rights to 'adopt' Blair, seeing that his son and Blair were lovers!

 

"He's still confused. Finding out about Allen almost destroyed his self esteem." Jim recalled holding Blair those first few nights after Allen had been arrested. "Blair even got hold of Allen's criminal record and I guess he feels ashamed for Allen's crimes."

 

"His wounds will heal in time. Let's join him and get dinner started."

 

///

 

William left the kitchen when Jim took charge preparing dinner. "Blair, let me show you your room." He picked up Jim's overnight bag and led Blair upstairs. "I put the two of you in the guest room, which has a nice king-sized bed," he said, grinning wickedly.

 

Blair couldn't believe William was teasing him like that. "You can put us in different rooms," he said shyly.

 

"Nonsense!" William exclaimed and opened the door. "Unpack your things and join us in the kitchen." William turned away, but called out, "And Jimmy told me to remind you to check on your blood sugar!"

 

"Oh, great..." Blair whispered, pretending annoyance, but secretly loving the attention. "Now I know where Jim got his mother hen instincts..."

 

William laughed warmly and descended the stairs to join his son in the kitchen. "It's a pity Stephen can't join us," William said, suddenly feeling a little melancholy. "He wanted to spend the holidays with his new girlfriend and having a grumpy old man close didn't fit that perfect picture."

 

Jim shrugged his shoulders. "It's Stephen's loss." Jim was busy mashing the potatoes and asked William to look after the steaks.

 

"I made all necessary arrangements for the party later tonight. They'll start arriving at ten." William began to set the table in the dining room, but continued to talk to Jim. "No wine?"

 

"It's safer that way. I want to be sober when Blair sees our surprise guest." Jim moved over to his father and placed his hand on William's shoulder. "Blair's feeling insecure, so we better play nice tonight."

 

William nodded his head. "I'm hungry, Jimmy. Get Blair so we can start eating."

 

Jim climbed the stairs and headed for the guest room. "Baby, hope you're decent because I'm coming inside!" After opening the door he found Blair and Charlie curled up on the bed. "Hey, wake up, sleepyhead!"

 

"Huh?" Blair's eyes flashed open, recognizing Jim's voice.

 

"It's dinner time," Jim announced and gently pulled his lover to his feet. "Hope you're hungry." On the bed, next to Blair lay the glucometer. "Are you okay?"

 

"Yeah, but I should eat something..." Blair smiled lazily and leaned against Jim for support. "I like being here with you."

 

"Good!" Jim stated pleased and nudged Blair towards the doorway. "Let's not keep my dad waiting; he's hungry and liable to start without us!"

 

Charlie followed them downstairs and found that his bowl had been filled as well.

 

///

 

"I'm stuffed," Blair complained as he took his seat beside Jim on the couch. William's chocolate dessert had done him in and his eyes were closing. "The two of you are trying to fatten me up!"

 

Jim studied his lover. "You gained some much needed pounds, Chief... you could do with more."

 

Blair shook his head in disbelief. "I already need to buy new jeans, have mercy on me, man!"

 

William joined them, sitting down on the other sofa and placing one large present next to him on the floor. "It's time to unwrap the gifts."

 

"Oh, man, I better get ours!" Blair jumped to his feet and raced up the stairs, as laughter erupted behind him. Smiling, he collected Jim's bag from their room and then balanced his presents on one arm. "Jim, help me here!"

 

Jim took pity on his lover and helped Blair carry the things in to the living room.

 

"Can I go first?" Blair pleaded, eager to get this over with. He just knew he'd bought the wrong gifts and he better embarrass himself quickly instead of drawing it out all evening. "Jim?" Hesitantly, he handed Jim the smaller box. "You probably won't like it and I can return it to the shop if you don't..."

 

"Blair, baby, stop babbling." Jim hated seeing the insecurity in Blair's eyes, which Allen had put in there. Gently, he removed the wrapping and opened the wooden box. //Wood, which explains the weight.// His breath caught as he uncovered the object that had been waiting for him inside the box. "It's beautiful..."

 

"It's hand carved by the Sioux, Jim. They have this legend about a black panther guarding their ceremonial burial grounds and when I saw it I thought of you." Blair knew he was babbling again, but couldn't stop it. He was too damn nervous. "Do you like at all?"

 

"Blair, it's gorgeous," Jim whispered and admired the carving. The jaguar was as big as his hand and the blue eyes sparkled, giving it the appearance of being alive.

 

Blair sighed relieved. Jim seemed to genuinely like his present. Now it was time for the hardest part. "I didn't know what to get you, Bill... I don't know you that well..." Feeling shy, Blair handed William the larger package.

 

"Blair, don't worry about it. I'll like the present because it comes from the heart. It's the gesture that counts!"

 

Jim shot his dad a grateful look. Curiously, he watched as William removed the wrapping paper. "What is it?" he whispered.

 

"A photo album..." William almost choked up, as he opened the album and finding pictures of Jimmy he'd never seen before. "Officer of the Year..." he whispered as he hit the page dedicated to that evening. "I love it, Blair. It's a great present."

 

//Looks like I didn't utterly embarrass myself this time,// Blair thought, as a heavy weight was lifted from his shoulders.

 

"I got you something as well," Jim said softly and uncovered a small box from his pockets. After handing it to Blair, he folded one arm around his lover's shoulders, pulling him close.

 

Blair resisted briefly, unwilling to offend William, but when the older man smiled reassuringly, he gave in and snuggled up to Jim. Holding the small box in his hand, he was reluctant to open it. He liked the thrill of suspension coursing through him. //It's a jewelry box,// he realized.

 

"Open it, baby."

 

Unable to resist any longer, he opened the jewelry box. "A bracelet?" Blair immediately recognized the ancient patterns the Aztecs had used centuries ago. "This can't be authentic. It would have cost you a fortune, Jim."

 

Jim smiled, took the bracelet out of the box and slid it around Blair's wrist. It had been expensive; Blair had gotten that one right. The silver bracelet was decorated with black Onyx and he'd loved it the first time he'd set eyes on it, thinking it would be perfect for Blair. "I hope you like it."

 

Blair stared at the expensive bracelet and considered refusing the present. "It's too expensive, man!"

 

"Don't worry about money, Chief." Jim could tell Blair liked it, as his lover's eyes never left the bracelet. "Love you, Blair."

 

"You turned mushy!" William teased, amused.

 

Jim smiled and encouraged Blair to snuggle back up to him. "Yeah, and I like it!"

 

Now it was William's turn to present his gift. "I hope you'll put it up at the loft as it's meant for both of you," William said and carried the large present towards the couch. "Why don't you let Blair open it, Jimmy?"

 

"Sure, knock yourself out in getting the wrapping paper off!" Jim teased.

 

Blair felt like he'd been lured into a trap and couldn't refuse. His hands shook as he began removing the wrapping paper. Judging from its format, Blair assumed it was a painting. But why would William give them a painting? //There's an open space above the fireplace... Maybe Bill noticed it and decided to buy something we can put up there?//

 

Blair's hand froze as he pulled away the last piece of paper and the painting almost dropped onto the floor. Luckily, William had expected that response and quickly took hold of the painting. "I really want you to have this."

 

Jim inched closer and took in the painting, which showed his dad, standing behind them. William's right hand rested on Jim's shoulder and his left on Blair's. The smile that graced his dad's face was genuine and Jim realized that this was William's way to welcome Blair in to the family. "So that's why you wanted those snapshots of Blair."

 

"Yes, I had more than enough pictures of you, Jimmy, but none of Blair." William's fingertips caressed the leather photo album Blair had given him. "We had similar ideas, Blair."

 

But Blair was speechless, trying hard to compose himself. He'd never expected such acceptance.

 

"I told Jimmy some nights ago that I feel like I gained a son, Blair." William knew how hard those words would impact, having seen Blair depressed after finding out about Allen.

 

"I don't know what to say," Blair whispered and feeling embarrassed, he quickly wiped away the tears that were surfacing. He refused to cry in front of Jim's dad!

 

"It would look great above the fireplace," William said and smiled warmly. "It feels good to have my family close tonight."

 

Blair managed to focus on William through the tears that filled his eyes. "Thanks, Bill. You'll never know how much this means to me." Blair smiled weakly; he felt like he'd finally found a home, his family. //If only Naomi were here as well...//

 

///

 

"Jim? There's a car pulling up to the house." Blair had been staring out of the window, while his fingers had caressed his new bracelet. "I think it's Joel's car?" In disbelief, he stared at the former bomb squad captain who now got out of the car. "What's Joel doing here?"

 

"I guess it's time to spill the beans," Jim admitted, lazily stretched out on the couch. "Dad and I invited some friends over for a little party."

 

"What?" Blair had assumed they would be spending the holidays with William. Since the detectives from Major Crime had found out about his father, Blair had felt uncomfortable around them and he'd avoided joining Jim when the Sentinel went to the station. He was still on sick leave and no one had openly questioned his absence, but Blair knew they had picked up on the real reason why he stayed away. //My father's a criminal...//

 

"Don't stand there, Chief! Let the man in! Dad, where's the eggnog?" Jim rose to his feet and joined William who was already carrying snacks into the living area. "Simon and the rest of the gang should be arriving any moment now." Jim exchanged a glance with William who nodded his head. "Let's do it, Blair's distracted," Jim said and his dad disappeared to open the back door. If everything was going according to plan their guest of honor was smuggled inside right now.

 

"Jim, what did you do?" Blair whispered. "I can't face them yet!"

 

"You had two weeks to get over being shy," Joel exclaimed and patted Blair's shoulder.

 

"Oh no..." Blair cringed, seeing H and Rafe pull up as well. And that was Megan's car! How could Jim do this to him?

 

A few minutes later, the gang had gathered in the living room and was attacking the snacks and eggnog. Blair stood back and watched it happen. On second thought, he was glad Jim and William had invited the gang, now his family seemed complete, except for one person, who was still missing.

 

"Blair? Sweetie?"

 

Blair spun around at hearing Naomi's voice. "What?" Big eyed, he stared at his mother. "What... how...?"

 

"Blair, I missed you so much!" Seeing the disbelief and shame in her son's eyes, Naomi quickly covered the distance between them and gathered her son in her arms. "I love you, sweetie," she said, knowing how badly he needed to hear it.

 

"Naomi..." Blair mumbled, taken aback by her firm hold on him. "What are you doing here?"

 

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to get here," Naomi apologized and locked eyes with her son. "We'll talk later, but let me tell you how much I love you!" Naomi's eyes found Jim's, as she embraced her son tighter. "Thank you, Jim. Thank you for taking care of him... for loving him."

 

Blair blushed briefly. "Don't be embarrassed," Naomi assured him. "Your auras are a perfect match. He'll make you happy."

 

"I'm already happy," Blair realized as he looked at his friends, mother and lover. And as his eyes met William's, he nodded his head once. Maybe he had found the father he'd always been looking for.

 

The end!

September 2001


End file.
